Am I overreacting?

[jd21]

I've been dating this guy for a month. He is great. We are very alike, we get along so well and we have so much fun when we're together. The problem is is that latley I've been feeling as though I like him more than he likes me. In the beginning he was the one who did the pursuing. I liked him but wasn't ready for a relationship yet. My ex and I had just broken up. I took the breakup really bad. My ex and I were together for almost 3 years and all of a sudden his feelings changed. I was very hurt and shocked. It's been almost 6 months since the break up and I really like this guy so I told him I was ready for a relationship. He had wanted to be together for a while but said that he understood and would wait until I was ready. Now that we're together I get a feeling like I'm more into the relationship than him. For example, I think I'm the one more willing to make time to see him. Another example is that this weekend is our month anniversary and I told him and I don't think he would have realized it if I hadn't told him. My ex and I used to make such a big deal overlittle things like that. I could be overreacting though. I find myself comparing him to my ex so much which I know isn't right. My ex and I started dating when I was 17. He was my first boyfriend and first love and everything just felt more intense then but could it be because I'm 20 now and relationships at that age are different? I also think I'm just scared of getting hurt so I'm just waiting for my new bf to change his feelings for me like my ex did. Should I talk to my bf about this? I would appreciate any advice. Thank you.

[sphinx999]

Hey

I forgot my first month anniversary, it doesn't mean i dont love my boyfriend though. One of my mates went out with this guy who had alot of commitments and couldnt spend much time with her, so she told him to make time for her. And they broke up, If i were you i would give him time a month isn't along time to be going out with some one.

[Nifty_Swifty1]

Not making a big deal out of the first month isn't a big deal. Some guys (including me) find it childish to make a fuss about something that is so… meaningless. I mean I could date the most shallow, self centered person in the world for a month and never know it (or even 10 months if you're as stupid as I was). There are parts of any guy that won't measure up to your ex, but there are parts that far surpass him. Everyone has different faults and triumphs.

 

When people say that they have taken a break up badly, that means that they have ether raised that person up to a super human status in there mind, or were hurt by that persons actions after the breakup. Sounds like you're looking at your ex as the god of dating which isn't healthy. You have to remember there faults to keep them from overshadowing relationships in the future.

 

Give this guy a chance. He may be busy at the moment. Just give him a little time.

[Princess777]

Greetings.

 

I understand what you're saying.

 

First of all I want to say something that you might not want to hear. I don't think you are over your ex and this fact is putting a damper on your new relationship. The signs are all there, you're comparing him to your new b/f, you're still thinking about things you did with him, etc. and how they compare to this new guy, and you're feeling like he doesn't love you enough or isn't serious enough, and that the relationship isn't moving fast enough because you are hurting, lonely, and need validation that you are lovable, which you're trying to get from him. Well, it's not fair to you or the new guy. Number one, you've only been in this relationship a month..... that's not long enough to tell anything really about how committed he is...... you really need to try to relax.... the fact that he's still seeing you after a month is good for a lot of guys! Give him the benefit of the doubt right now, plus you're not really ready to get so serious after your breakup so it's a good thing he's not all over you anyway. So keep up the good work and I know it's hard, but don't overanalyze things.... guys aren't like us in that way generally, they're usually "what you see is what you get" and just take a look at his actions, not his words cause they don't always verbalize feelings like we women do. I think an important thing for you to remember is that you are an individual, with or without a guy, so don't put so much pressure on him or yourself to rush things..... be casual, confident, and make time for yourself, i.e. don't always be available for him -- don't play games but make sure you have things in your life to do without him, to keep your sense of individuality, which you really need to depend on right now, not him.

 

I hope this helps you...

[jd21]

Thank you for all the advice. It does help and makes a lot of sense.I really thought I was ready for another relationship but I'm starting to think that maybe I wasn't. I can't enjoy this relationship because I'm always anticipating the worst. My friends keep assuring me that he likes me a lot and that I'm overreacting. I just can't go through what I did with my ex again. Should I be open with my bf and tell him that I'm scared to get hurt again? I think I'd feel better in a way if I did but I also think I might scare him away. Thank you so much again.

[Nifty_Swifty1]

Being honest is always the best way to go. It shouldn't scare the guy off.