I am a lost soul.

[SincerlyHurt]

My saga is well posted on in the "I am crushed, please help" thread.

 

The latest is that she is still in New York with her rebound. I talked to her brother in law this morning and her sister has talked to her and says she seems happy. She is going out partying and eating out and just generally enjoying New York. She has met his family. This is only the second occasion they have physically spent time together, the other being when he came here for the weekend before last.

 

I know she will contact me when she gets back either by phone or e-mail. She has expressed to me that she does not know what the future holds one way or another. She does not want to string me along though.

 

When she calls or e-mails should I even answer the first time. I am prepared to only make small talk, I will make no mention of her New York experiences or go on an emotional spill about us. I want her to see that I am moving on (I am really, just real slow), and that I am a different person. I actually am very confident in myself and have been having a ball.

 

I expected her to have fun while she was in New York. Is it possible that she is falling for this guy though? We have been broken up since Valentines Day, she has been talking to him on the phone since about a week after that. Has she forgotten me? He is also going through a divorce now. His divorce is not final yet. Are they just feeding off each other? What to do, what to do?

 

How should I handle the situation when she gets back? She will call or e-mail, even if it is just to ask to see the dog. I also must see her in class on Wednesdays for 3 hours. Please advise.

[woobiegirl]

So I that I could connect, I went back and read your original post. First let me say that I can relate to your 9 year relationship...mine was 9 years too (engaged the last 3) "that was 4 years ago" ....wish I would have known about this site and the wonderful people back then!!

 

My guess would be this encounter in NY will sizzle out in good time for several reasons. It's long-distance...a challenge to start with. He's going through a divorce (more than likely he's not sure what he wants either) This is probably a new adventure for both, but long distance calls and e-mails get old after awhile, it's just not the same as loking forward to seeing the person after work or making spontaneous plans.

 

If she's the one contacting you when she gets back I don't see any reason to play games. Talk to her...but let her do the talking and see where she's going with it. Be in control

 

Good luck and take care,

Woobiegirl

[SincerlyHurt]

So I just make small talk until she changes the subject to our relationship (if she ever does) and then I just listen and react. Generally I am the vocal one and I say what I think she is thinking and she either agrees or disagrees, this time she is going to have to say the hard words herself, whatever they may be.

 

This relationship she has now entered into is new, how long I wonder could it take to fizzle? I know she is flattered because he pulls her chair out for her and opens the car door (as I did), but I too think the distance will get a bit overwhelming, especially when physical contact (not just sex) is needed.

[woobiegirl]

Yes, I agree, since you're not sure where the conversation is heading when she calls, I would do more listening. (since you know her well, you may want to have your thoughts together of what points you want to bring up during the conversation) so after you hang up you don't think..."darn, why didn't I mention this or I shouldn't have said that"...?

 

She may be flattered by his attention right now, but remember he's in the process of a divorce, has some major issues he should be resolving before jumping into another serious relationship. He may be looking for attention right now, while he's going through his own ups and downs. Time will tell, it always does...people tend to put their best foot forward in the beginning. Plus it won't take too long after she gets back that the "distance factor" will probably set in.

 

I must add though, she's a lucky gal to still have your understanding and caring.

 

Keep us posted,

Woobiegirl

[SincerlyHurt]

Since I am supposed to be giving the vibe that I am getting on without her should I even answer her first call or e-mail? Maybe I should ignore the first few to spike some wonder. What are your thoughts? Anyone?