A small questionnaire for people in NC

[uj2004]

1. Do you want them to contact you, and are you concerned that they are in turn waiting for you to make the first move?

 

2. Do you REALLY miss actually being with them, or just the memories?

 

3. If you are over 25-30 days NC, are you surprised that they have not made contact?

 

4. Have you got a time frame in mind that if they do not contact you, you will make the move?

[Aeryn]

1. I would love to hear from him, but really only for one thing (reconciliation). If he contacts me for no reason, I couldn't bare it right now. I know he is not waiting for me to make the first move...I've made plenty of moves since he dumped me, and he's made it clear that I just need to get on with life.

 

2. I miss both being with him and the memories. I truly believe I miss being with him more than anything though. Memories are/were great, but I felt whole when I was with him...now I feel like a part of me is missing. Really.

 

3. I haven't made it that far yet. However, I'm 100% certain that he will not contact me anytime this year. Maybe in 2010 I'll be fortunate enough to hear from him. Heh.

 

4. No. It's been one month and two days since he broke up with me. I have made every possible move. He knows how deeply in love with him I am, and he knows that I want to work things out. I cannot (meaning I will not, and my heart just can't bare) make anymore attempts at this. I'm hurting every single day as it is without the one that I love...but making moves and getting rejected makes it far worse. If he wants me, loves me, and if we're meant to be...he has to make the next move. I know it will never happen though.

[ScorpiGal83]

1. Do you want them to contact you, and are you concerned that they are in turn waiting for you to make the first move? - No, I will contact him when I feel ready to be friends. I am not really thinking about whether he wants me to or anything like that.

 

2. Do you REALLY miss actually being with them, or just the memories? - I miss both, but at the same time I can accept it is in the past and that I need to stop living in it.

 

3. If you are over 25-30 days NC, are you surprised that they have not made contact? - I am on day 22, and no I am not surprised at all. I wouldn't want them to, either. I want to be the one to break NC when I'm good and ready.

 

4. Have you got a time frame in mind that if they do not contact you, you will make the move? - I was thinking Day 30, but even on Day 17 and Day 18 I felt more than ready to just call him and be friends. However I am not going to break NC til after Day 30 in case I change my mind a little further down the road or something (about being friends).

[poison ivy]

1. Do you want them to contact you, and are you concerned that they are in turn waiting for you to make the first move?

 

2. Do you REALLY miss actually being with them, or just the memories?

 

3. If you are over 25-30 days NC, are you surprised that they have not made contact?

 

4. Have you got a time frame in mind that if they do not contact you, you will make the move?

 

1. No, I don't want him to contact me. If he does, I'll just make it clear that it's over.

 

2. Don't miss being with him, but I do miss the companionship.

 

3. I am surprised, given the way we ended our last discussion. I was expecting him to be apologetic and mature, but he hasn't. It's made it so much easier to just forget him and move on.

 

4. No time frame. No desire to make contact at this stage.

[ellandroader]

1. Do you want them to contact you, and are you concerned that they are in turn waiting for you to make the first move?

 

I did attempt to, first with a letter then in retaliation to her but she ignored both. One big reason we split was because of bad communication (literally and emotionally) and if she couldn't be arsed then, then why should I expect her to be now?

 

2. Do you REALLY miss actually being with them, or just the memories?

 

I think she's a terrific girl and was the highlight of my day. The memories were nice too. I really do miss her.

 

3. If you are over 25-30 days NC, are you surprised that they have not made contact?

 

See Q1. No I am not.

 

4. Have you got a time frame in mind that if they do not contact you, you will make the move?

 

Not at the moment...it hurts still and I am trying to recover and rediscover who I was before I met her.

[peace_lily]

1. Do you want them to contact you, and are you concerned that they are in turn waiting for you to make the first move?

 

Yes, I want him to contact me. However, I no longer expect him to do so. And no I'm not concerned that he is waiting for me. He is the kind of person who, if he wanted to contact me, he would. He doesn't wait.

 

2. Do you REALLY miss actually being with them, or just the memories?

I don't miss the memories anymore. I just miss him and how close we were.

 

3. If you are over 25-30 days NC, are you surprised that they have not made contact?

 

I'm around 4-5 months NC, 6-7 since the breakup. Quit counting real precisely and I try not to count. I'm not surprised that he hasn't contacted me, just sad that what we had is really gone.

 

4. Have you got a time frame in mind that if they do not contact you, you will make the move?

 

No, I will never contact him again. I'm out of the habit and I know it's no good for me. If he contacts me, I will be open to being friends so long as he's dumped or been dumped by the woman he left me for. But we will never be lovers again. I just don't want to be.

 

And to be completely honest, I'm not sure that I could ever be friends with him, no matter how much I might want to. Right now I just care too much, and if I cared less, well, I'd be upset that I cared less and wouldn't want to be reminded of that fact. And I'd be afraid that I would start caring more again. I don't ever want to put myself in a position for him to hurt me again.

[uj2004]

I should probably add my thoughts to my question...

 

1. Do you want them to contact you, and are you concerned that they are in turn waiting for you to make the first move?

Yes and yes. I would like her to contact me, properly though, her facebook friend request and sms asking if my number was still active was not enough for me to break NC.

2. Do you REALLY miss actually being with them, or just the memories?

I sort of miss her, but mostly the memories. Its sad that I don't ever really sit here wishing I was with her somewhere instead. Probably the breakup and the new guy clouding what I think of her now, as opposed to then.

 

3. If you are over 25-30 days NC, are you surprised that they have not made contact?

I am. I thought she would crack and want me back as a friend inside of 10 days. I didn't expect anything more, however. She isn't going to be my girl ever again.

4. Have you got a time frame in mind that if they do not contact you, you will make the move?

I wrote one this morning, of 3-4 months. I think that's correct, for now, but who knows how I might feel tomorrow, let alone then.

[uj2004]

If he contacts me, I will be open to being friends so long as he's dumped or been dumped by the woman he left me for.

 

So, so true - a caveat we all would like if trying to make a go of friendship with an ex that left for someone.

[meiling]

1. Do you want them to contact you, and are you concerned that they are in turn waiting for you to make the first move?

I want him to contact me, if nothing else to know that he is alright.

 

2. Do you REALLY miss actually being with them, or just the memories?

Don't want a relationship anymore. I have come to truths that it was really kinda crappy. But I would like him as a friend, and I miss that aspect.

 

3. If you are over 25-30 days NC, are you surprised that they have not made contact?

I'm a little over a month, and yeah, I'm kind of surprised. He was so concerned before about whether or not I was ok, but I think he's just absorbed in his own emotions right now.

 

4. Have you got a time frame in mind that if they do not contact you, you will make the move?

Well I'm bound to run into him during the summer when I return to my old job. If I do, I'm planning to just play it cool and be nice, but I'm a little worried about his reaction. He may just never come back again, he might throw a plate at my face, hell, I'm not sure since he was not stable the last time I heard from him.

[FloatingAnchor]

1. Do you want them to contact you, and are you concerned that they are in turn waiting for you to make the first move?

 

I want him to contact me for the satisfaction of knowing that the other woman was not worth it. He is not waiting for me to contact him as I did the crying and begging thing for way too long.

 

2. Do you REALLY miss actually being with them, or just the memories?

 

Both, but I don't see him in the same light anymore.

 

3. If you are over 25-30 days NC, are you surprised that they have not made contact?

 

Yes and no. He said he'd call, but it could be "months or years."

 

4. Have you got a time frame in mind that if they do not contact you, you will make the move?

 

No, I am never contacting him.

[device04]

1. Do you want them to contact you, and are you concerned that they are in turn waiting for you to make the first move?

 

It's a double-edged sword since I would, like most of the people on here, love to hear from my ex, but at the same time it is definitely the last thing I need as far as my recovery goes. That being said, I am not concerned that she is waiting to hear from me. She's the one that broke up with me, told me her feelings changed, told me that she was choosing her school/future over being with me. That says all I need to know about what she thinks about me despite all her loving proclamations. I don't foresee that changing so don't believe she wants me to contact her (except maybe to alleviate her guilt over hurting me).

 

2. Do you REALLY miss actually being with them, or just the memories?

 

I think it's hard to separate all of these things at first, in our misery, but I think I really just miss being with her, having someone to love and be loved by, to share in my life.

 

3. If you are over 25-30 days NC, are you surprised that they have not made contact?

 

I am somewhere in that time frame, I try not to count, but no I am not surprised she hasn't contacted me. She even said she "respected" my need for NC and would go along with it. Plus, she's the type to just move on, she can separate her emotions out and forget what she needs to forget so that she can get on with things. I'm not so great at it, I guess that's why I'm on here a lot and she's probably off working on her "future".

 

4. Have you got a time frame in mind that if they do not contact you, you will make the move?

 

No, never, not at all. I think that as more time passes, the less likely it will be that I would ever contact her again. That's not to say that I don't love her still, or will not care about her any longer, but I have a hard time grappling with the fact that someone who said they would love me forever, would work things out, would make things work, would then suddenly just walk away. I don't think it's worth dwelling on whether she would contact me or if/when I will contact her. Life moves on and I'm just along for the ride. If that door should find itself open again someday in the future, then I'll think about it then. But for now, in this relationship, she decided I wasn't worth the trouble/hassle to continue forward. That's tough to accept, but relationships are a two-way street and I have to accept that this is the way it's going to be, even if I didn't make this choice. So, that's that.

[twiceinoneyear]

1. Do you want them to contact you, and are you concerned that they are in turn waiting for you to make the first move?

 

I dream of him contacting me, but only because I'm brilliant after the fact (never at the time) and have so many things I wish I had said. In actuality, I don't want him to contact me because I know it would do absolutely no good. As much as I miss and love him I wouldn't take him back, and I'm not ready to be friends so contact is futile at this point.

 

2. Do you REALLY miss actually being with them, or just the memories?

 

I miss the memories. When I'm honest with myself I can remember so many things that irritated me, so many things that broke down my trust and so many things I knew I wouldn't have been able to live with in the long term.

 

3. If you are over 25-30 days NC, are you surprised that they have not made contact?

 

Yes. But the more I think about it the less surprised I am. He spent our entire relationship falling all over me but was able to end it in the blink of an eye and never look back. As much as it hurts to admit it, he probably didn't love me as much as he said he did or it wouldn't have been so easy for him to walk. Its more surprising to admit that I was decieved so deeply.

 

4. Have you got a time frame in mind that if they do not contact you, you will make the move?

 

Nope. I won't contact him. He took my entire life right out from under my feet. He will NOT take my dignity, too.

[Casmut]

1. Do you want them to contact you, and are you concerned that they are in turn waiting for you to make the first move?

 

2. Do you REALLY miss actually being with them, or just the memories?

 

3. If you are over 25-30 days NC, are you surprised that they have not made contact?

 

4. Have you got a time frame in mind that if they do not contact you, you will make the move?

 

1. Its hard to say at this point. There are times where i want to hear from her, and then there are times where i could care less. If anything, i would just like to make the break up official since our final phone conversation never concluded to anything, she didn't know what she wanted. Which has made things real hard.

 

2. I definitely miss her her a lot. She was a close friend to me before we got into a relationship.

 

3. I am not really surprised that i haven't heard from her. She is a real tough and independent girl, which is also her major weakness. She has cut out the things she enjoyed in her life after taking her new job.

 

4. Thats kind of a tough question at the moment but simply due to one thing. Her birthday is coming up soon, and i am debating whether or not i should just wish her a Happy Birthday. However i also think it would be a bigger message if i didn't say anything at all. With how i am feeling at the moment, its unlikely. I have given her way to much, she doesn't deserve any more from me.

[uj2004]

 

4. Thats kind of a tough question at the moment but simply due to one thing. Her birthday is coming up soon, and i am debating whether or not i should just wish her a Happy Birthday. However i also think it would be a bigger message if i didn't say anything at all. With how i am feeling at the moment, its unlikely. I have given her way to much, she doesn't deserve any more from me.

 

That's a tough one. I am glad I am in the reverse situation, my birthday is the one coming up, and it will be on her to make that call. I think she will make some form of communication, even a girl I never dated but got stuffed around by in my past wished me a Happy Birthday several months after we said our final goodbyes.

 

I, like you, could send the bigger message by not replying to her if she does. I am not sure how that will all go down, its still over a month away. If I don't hear from her in that time, there is no friendship left to salvage anyway.

[Just Me85]

1. Do you want them to contact you, and are you concerned that they are in turn waiting for you to make the first move?

 

More than anything. I miss him more everyday and I still love him and would have him back in a heartbeat. However I know he is not waiting for me, as I tried to make contact and was ignored.

 

2. Do you REALLY miss actually being with them, or just the memories?

 

I miss him. Everything about him. Im usually quite an independent girl and I have always been able to cope alone so I know its not just the memories.

 

3. If you are over 25-30 days NC, are you surprised that they have not made contact?

 

Its been 3 weeks since I heard anything. Im not really surprised but I keep hoping everyday something will change his mind. I know right now he is very angry with me and hates me and it saddens me that he will only remember the bad times at the end, rather than the amazing happy times that came so much more often. I thought honesty was the best policy and I did the right thing, although I sometimes feel angry that he could not understand and that I have been faithful throughout the year and a half relationship and I choose him over my past.

 

4. Have you got a time frame in mind that if they do not contact you, you will make the move?

 

I tried making the move last week to no avail but this was obviously way too soon. Im not sure where to go from here, I dont want to fall into the category of a stalker ex so it will probably be quite a long time before I make the move (if I do). I want to but I get very scared it will set be back and I will get hurt even more.

[dhjjessel]

1. Do you want them to contact you, and are you concerned that they are in turn waiting for you to make the first move?

 

2. Do you REALLY miss actually being with them, or just the memories?

 

3. If you are over 25-30 days NC, are you surprised that they have not made contact?

 

4. Have you got a time frame in mind that if they do not contact you, you will make the move?

 

1. I know she is not waiting for me to make the first move. She is with someone else, and I always want to hear from her, every minute of every day, but i know now i must ignore any attempt as it never means anything

 

2. I miss being with her. I miss myself when i was with her

 

3. I am surprised she left me for some small, ugly boring guy

 

4. No. I will leave it until i run into her and then protect myself as best i can from being hurt again

[Raoul]

1. Do you want them to contact you, and are you concerned that they are in turn waiting for you to make the first move?

I would like to hear from her. But every contact I initiate ends badly. She yells, screams, berates me and generally acts like a crazy woman. I need a sign that she wants to talk before I'm willing to try.

 

2. Do you REALLY miss actually being with them, or just the memories?

Probably some of both. We were married just short of 25 years and have 3 children. Most of that time was good. Then, over about a year period, she detached and then commenced an affair. She changed into a crazy person and walked away after I confronted her with evidence of her infidelity.

 

3. If you are over 25-30 days NC, are you surprised that they have not made contact?

I am 7 months into NC. I wish I could say that I was surprised its lasted this long. But that's not true. NC is as much for me and our children as it is to get her back.

 

4. Have you got a time frame in mind that if they do not contact you, you will make the move?

No.

 

Raoul