The bouncy ball's on it's way down

[elusivejc]

Well my bloody moodswings are eating me to a bloodied pulp, and I'm in a crap one now. A good friend of mine asked me the question while we were out walking a forest track 'c'mon what have you got to be depressed about when you can be out here doing this fun stuff?'. I had met up with her half to have a chat about my feeling like crap, but it was then that I felt really unsure about talking about it because basically it revolves around me being a really pathetic person.

 

I can't decide how I feel about things, I can't decide if my ex is a really selfish girl, or if I'm an insecure fool. Basically my ex broke up with me just before christmas last year, and some days I feel all mighty and proud and positive like 'haha look what she's missing out on, stuff her, I can do better than that' then be able to get on with life, but sometimes I start thinking really hard and start feeling like all the bad parts of my life are my fault. I don't have many good friends, I'm really awkward and standoffish even with someone I knew in year 3, I just don't grasp fully the world.

 

I was deprived of company at an early age + I've lived in a big sheltering family=> thus I'm not very socially adept => so I haven't seen much of the world (even knowing how to send a money order is something I'm not familiar with) => I try to work on meeting people and getting jobs => I have trouble connecting with people and am awkward with social situations + I haven't seen much of the world thus am not ver fluent with employment opportunities (fail the basic common knowledge) => thus I don't get many opportunities to meet people. I don't know if that's a cycle, let alone a viscious one, but it feels like it. It feels like a catch 22 where I'm not very good with people and fail to become good with people as a result, though that sounds stupid even just saying it. Still feels like it though. Argh I'm exploding with crappy feelings and can't figure out how to express them tonight, sorry everyone!

 

I'll try again later

[Nifty_Swifty1]

You sound way to much like me for words. The only difference is that I know my ex is a selfish little… lets just move on… I know exactly where you are, but sadly, I can offer very little advice on how to move yourself out of that. I've been trying to years, and haven't made it very far. All I can say is that you need to force yourself into those social situations you feel so very uncomfortable in. My problem is that area is that once I make myself get in there and try, I turn into an imbecile that can't even speak in complete sentences. Over the last couple years I have ended up making a couple friends, though not in any way that has helped me out very much. They have all been via the net since things here can happen a little slower and I can keep up. That really doesn't help with the longing for human contact. The only way to get out of your dilemma that you find yourself in is to force yourself to move, and I have never found an easy way to do that. Change comes slowly, and requires a lot of work. Hopefully someday both of us will find our way out of this.

 

God Bless