ay0_x Posted April 16, 2009 Share Posted April 16, 2009 OKAY! So. Back ground information.. I've been intimate with 3 guys in the past, but only lost my "virginity" recently, to my new boyfriend. Problem is... He can't get an erection if he thinks i'm looking at him =\. Literally. I have to hide my head under the pillow until he's finished doing what he can to get hard. He doesn't get an erection from me touching him. I don't really know what to make of this situation. It kinda makes, yknow, playtime ... difficult. I don't have low self esteem, but the situation doesn't exactly do wonders for it. He's also a lot smaller than the guys I've been with in the past. Actually, scrap that. I don't even know that for sure, since I can't even tell when he's hard, since my head is under a bloody pillow. But yeah. Help?! Is there something I could do, besides talking to him? (because talking to him is going to be LAST RESORT). At this rate i'd rather not be intimate with him because I end up feeling selfish because he gets frustrated + touches me and I can't touch him because it simply doesn't work. HEEEEEEELP. Link to comment
Cardinal Posted April 16, 2009 Share Posted April 16, 2009 He sounds pretty immature to me. He is going to need to work with you on that. I would not agree to hiding under a pillow. That is ridiculous. He needs to grow a pair. I'd say he has to get comfortable somehow and that it might take a good bit of time and effort before he achieves erection. He might or might not get past it with you, but he definitely needs to get past this as it will get in the way of any sexual situation. Link to comment
ay0_x Posted April 16, 2009 Author Share Posted April 16, 2009 He sounds pretty immature to me. He is going to need to work with you on that. I would not agree to hiding under a pillow. That is ridiculous. He needs to grow a pair. I'd say he has to get comfortable somehow and that it might take a good bit of time and effort before he achieves erection. He might or might not get past it with you, but he definitely needs to get past this as it will get in the way of any sexual situation. I don't get that he's comfortable enough to parade naked around me and sleep with me and tell me that he loves me yet not comfortable enough to have an erection? I didn't push for anything physically, I let him make the first move in everything.. I guess I kinda expected him to be ready if he was gonna initiate it? =\ Link to comment
Cardinal Posted April 16, 2009 Share Posted April 16, 2009 I understand. Everyone has their quirks I guess and his is just a bit unusual. It is a good thing that this seems to be an isolated area. That might make it easier to get past. Have you tried taking control? And also have you tried a few days of sexual fun without really focusing on the erection? Either might work. Link to comment
ay0_x Posted April 16, 2009 Author Share Posted April 16, 2009 Have you tried taking control? And also have you tried a few days of sexual fun without really focusing on the erection? Either might work. Yep. I let him make the first moves but I'm by no means shy. I just didnt want things moving too fast since I can be pretty aggressive. And yes, we tried the latter too. He seems really focused on MY pleasure without penetration which gives me suspicions that this has happened before but i still dont know how to mention it? Link to comment
Cardinal Posted April 16, 2009 Share Posted April 16, 2009 I am a giver in the bedroom. The idea of a girl taking total control and me being on the receiving end is super hot. Maybe talk to him about the idea and see if he will go along with learning to be the receiver. I usually tend to get hard pretty easily from giving activities and have to switch gears for it to happen as a receiver. It is worth switching things up, but you'll probably have to communicate with him ahead of time. I always find myself wanting to do things to please the female even at time when I should be only focusing on what she is doing to me and enjoying it. It is a habit. Maybe 69 would be a good compromise? He would have more than enough to do to please you while you could work on him and see if you can get him hard. Link to comment
dangletsbang Posted April 16, 2009 Share Posted April 16, 2009 Hm, it seems to me he doesn't seem that comfortable with you..and if you're being intimate..he should be 100% comfortable with you. Maybe you should take control and get him hard yourself, my boyfriend LOVES it when I do this.. Link to comment
laisla Posted April 16, 2009 Share Posted April 16, 2009 maybe he was so used to hiding this side of him (masturbation as a teen) that he just can't get out of his comfort zone yet. what gets him off are his private thoughts and knowing that nobody is watching him. could it be? Link to comment
OrangeMoon Posted April 16, 2009 Share Posted April 16, 2009 Yeah..he really should practise with getting himself comfortable with you touching his penis. I would say...take control. Blindfold him, tie him down ;-)...and take charge. Comfort him..if he feels uneasy..and be playful.. It is very strange though that you may look at him naked walking around..but you cant touch his penis..nore look at him touching it. Maybe he doesnt like you seeing his penis in erect state..because he feels there is not much difference than when its flacid..i dont know. But he will have to practise getting comfortable with you...practise, practise, practise. Make it about having contact with you and your bodyparts (hands, lips, hair..etc) and not about him getting in an erect state or ejaculating.. Just about him getting used to you... Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted April 16, 2009 Share Posted April 16, 2009 Bah, that sounds extremely frustrating for both of you. Is he generally a nervous guy? Link to comment
happyfrank Posted April 16, 2009 Share Posted April 16, 2009 Sounds like he is shy and has very little experience and you need to dominate him to get him sexually into the mood. Link to comment
diabolik Posted April 16, 2009 Share Posted April 16, 2009 He doesn't get an erection from me touching him. Bizarre. That works on me 100% of the time. Does he actually let you touch him before he achieves an erection? Or are you only allowed to touch him after erection? Or are you not allowed to touch there at all? Maybe he doesnt like you seeing his penis in erect state..because he feels there is not much difference than when its flacid..i dont know. Interesting explanation. This, combined with the OP's sense that he's on the small side, could be the root of the problem. Maybe he's embarrassed about his size, so he doesn't let you see him erect, just gets it hard himself and then penetrates, so you never get to see the size? Link to comment
ay0_x Posted April 17, 2009 Author Share Posted April 17, 2009 Thank you all so so much for your replies. Cardinal- Thank you for the advice. I'll utilise it for sure. I think he's more of a "giver" too. Dangletsbang- I tried that but he gets nervous and says something to the tune of "Can we do what we were just doing before?". la'isla- Maybe. But he says he doesn't masturbate at all because he feels like it's a waste of time/boring. He actually thinks *I'm* a little odd because I do masturbate. Broken- I should probably clarify that I can't see him naked front-on. >.<. so your theory seems kinda true about why he wouldn want me to see him. likes being covered by the blanket. all time. i use advice getting comfortable though.> debaserwolf- I've never met someone more outgoing or wild or spontaneous than him. happyfrank- Shy maybe not. He's experienced in the sense that he's had sex before, but both girls he's been with (I know these girls) were inexperienced at the time. One was a very.. meh.. asexual kind of person. So I can kinda see her not being much help in the bedroom stakes (this girl is the type who thinks oral/manual play is WEIRD). Plus, as I mentioned before, he doesn't masturbate (according to him..?), so Idk. Maybe it's a case of use it or lose it and he lost it? diabolik- He lets me touch pre-erection so long as I can't see (he's under the blanket) and he doesn't let me touch for very long before insisting he takes control again. Sometimes he'll touch me + himself and sometimes just me. Also, about size.. it could be it. Only, if that's the case, I have no idea how to talk to him about it. Link to comment
diabolik Posted April 17, 2009 Share Posted April 17, 2009 But he says he doesn't masturbate at all because he feels like it's a waste of time/boring. He actually thinks *I'm* a little odd because I do masturbate. He likes being covered by the blanket. All the time. I'll use your advice about getting comfortable though. He lets me touch pre-erection so long as I can't see (he's under the blanket) and he doesn't let me touch for very long before insisting he takes control again. How old is he? Young guys sometimes lie to girls about masturbating b/c of embarrassment. But if he's telling the truth, you've got yourself a real oddball. Sounds like he's not letting you touch after he's erect. I vote for small and/or some kind of mole or maybe it's really curved. Link to comment
ay0_x Posted April 17, 2009 Author Share Posted April 17, 2009 How old is he? Young guys sometimes lie to girls about masturbating b/c of embarrassment. But if he's telling the truth, you've got yourself a real oddball. Sounds like he's not letting you touch after he's erect. I vote for small and/or some kind of mole or maybe it's really curved. He's 19. He knows I masturbate (and thinks im weird), so I don't see why he'd be embarrassed by it. And yeah. I havent touched him while he was erect. Link to comment
diabolik Posted April 17, 2009 Share Posted April 17, 2009 He's 19. He knows I masturbate (and thinks im weird), so I don't see why he'd be embarrassed by it. And yeah. I havent touched him while he was erect. I've never heard of a 19 y/o not masturbating (well, one that I believed anyway), but maybe he's just that odd. Tell him it turns you on to touch a guys erection. See if he lets you. All else fails, you can say, "look, I inspect everything that goes into my body". Link to comment
ay0_x Posted April 17, 2009 Author Share Posted April 17, 2009 I've never heard of a 19 y/o not masturbating (well, one that I believed anyway), but maybe he's just that odd. Tell him it turns you on to touch a guys erection. See if he lets you. All else fails, you can say, "look, I inspect everything that goes into my body". BAHAHAHA. Will do. Link to comment
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