Is it always unconditional?

[Hockey.Chick]

I love my boyfriend very much...I feel as if he is the one for me and everything. And based off of the recent talks we have had, I think he feels the same way. The interesting part of this is that when I think of something that he could do to hurt me badly (which I know he won't do, I'm just being hypothetical), I would still love him. Even though it could end our relationship, I would still love him and always would have a place for him in my heart. However, when I think of ex boyfriends I have had that have hurt me and broken my heart many times, I realize that I don't love them anymore, and they don't have a place in my heart. So my love for them wasn't unconditional, right? Does that mean I never really loved them at all? Does love have to be unconditional or can it fade when the bad things happen?

 

This thread isn't supposed to be a downer, as I feel like my boyfriend and I will be together a long long long long time and I love him very much. I'm just curious.

[Binoo]

I think a lot of people end up feeling the way you do. But I think that over time, your love for him [ should you ever break up ] would become a different kind of love.

I think that unconditional love can be very unhealthy. What you feel is good though...you know you could leave if he hurt you badly but you still have it in you to forgive him [ without sacraficing your own values and feelings ].

[bluexin99]

However, when I think of ex boyfriends I have had that have hurt me and broken my heart many times, I realize that I don't love them anymore, and they don't have a place in my heart. So my love for them wasn't unconditional, right? Does that mean I never really loved them at all? Does love have to be unconditional or can it fade when the bad things happen?

 

You probably didn't love them. If you did, and even if the relationship ended, you should still be able to recall the notion of having loved them at some point and how heart aching the experience was (reinforces the "loved them" notion). Clearly, you don't. Therefore, i doubt that you ever did love them.

 

On the other side, we could interpret it differently. You might have 'loved' them, but because most relationships end on a sad note, that disappointment or sorrow has covered over that emotion. And time is powerful. It drained away that feeling. And when you're ready to love again, the emotions which had once sweetened your heart and then caused you agony, left without many traces.

 

Personally, i don't think love is conditional. Just as the way we fall in love with people who have what we see as desirable characteristics, when we discover the possible flaws that they have used in the process to cause us pain, we might find us loving them less and lesser.

 

That's just my view.

[FarthestEdge]

To me, the only true, unconditional love is from a parent to a child.

 

Think of it this way; If your husband intentionally murdered your child, could you still love him? I couldn't

 

 

If your child murdered someone, could you still love them? It would break my heart, but I would continue to love him no matter what- even if I couldn't face him, I would still love him....

 

But then again, I've seen parents who don't love their children. I can't imagine it, but it does happen....

 

"Unconditional love" is a romantic notion. There can come a point that the person you love 'unconditionally" changes in such a dramatic fashion, that they are no longer the person for whom you had "unconditional love". So, in essence "unconditional" love is subject to the condition that the person not fundamentally change.

 

Thus it is not "unconditional" at all.....