Please Help Me Trust Issues

[Lynda0630]

I have been dating my boyfriend for 8 months. It truley was love at first site and things were so great betwee nus for a while. Lately everything is that I am lying, I'm cheating, I'm a flirt. Last night a girl called his phone. Her number wasn't stored and when he called back he claimed he didn't know who she was. She told him "you dont remember who you give your number to" and he said no and hung up. I feel like I am only good for sex. He sleeps with me at night and leaves bright and early for work. I dont see him ever only at night. We have been going back and forth all morning about me being a liar and a * * * * because I have guy friends which I have had before we ever met and most of them are old friends from high school. I have a beautiful 3 year old daughter who is so attached to him. Someone please tell me what they think is going on. Help me understand and take the right steps to fix this. I dont want to loose him!!!!

 

 

Confused

[huskiesfan]

Hello, welcome to eNA-

 

There are some serious red flags.

 

First off all, the calling you a flirt and a cheater, while he has random girls calling his phone is kind of sounding like cheater behavior.

 

He is trying to build up a excuse to dump you, while he's trying to find another girl to be waiting in the wings when he does.

 

Not saying that he is cheating, there is no way to know that at this point. The best thing to do though, is what you said on here, and tell him that you've had your guy friends since high school, and before you even met your bf. Since your being honest, he owes it to be honest about the phone call, it sounds like he knows much more than he is letting on. In order to break your mutual trust issues, there has to be some mutual dialog going on, not just name calling and back biting.

[free2Bme]

Hey there. This does not sound like a relationship that's got a future I'm sorry to say. It sounds like you are both suspicious of each other, and that he is accusing YOU of things HE is doing.

 

You don't have to put up with this, find someone who appreciates you.

 

And surely your daughter can't be that attached to him if you only ever see him at night for sex?

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Hey there. This does not sound like a relationship that's got a future I'm sorry to say. It sounds like you are both suspicious of each other, and that he is accusing YOU of things HE is doing.

 

You don't have to put up with this, find someone who appreciates you.

 

And surely your daughter can't be that attached to him if you only ever see him at night for sex?

 

 

I agree. His accusations are pretty typical of someone who is himself guilty of cheating. Sounds to me like he is not in this relationship out of love and respect...just for sex. I would suggest you walk away from this...you don't deserve to be treated like this. I hope you have been using protection...I would strongly suggest you get tested for STDs and stop having sex with him.

[daniella84]

hey Lynda,

I am sorry to hear all this. apart from rusting the relationship these blame-eachother sessions also tire you and leave you irritable.

 

From what i understood of the situation, it seems like a good talk within you two might help. also try to find out if hes going through some stress in his life, work etc. this all might be a resultant of that. if there some issue like that show him you support but also midly tell him , you are having these doubts in you mind and you want open answers from him.

 

This is too soon to judge his motives in terms of the relationship. so give it time, show some patience. and have a heart to heart talk with him at the earliest.

 

hope this helps. Feel free to PM me if you need any help.

[Lynda0630]

I tried talking to him and he just looks through my phone and finds all these problems. I am a dispatch manager so I have a company phone. Techs call me, comcast managers call me and customers call me. I told him I wll get rid of the phone and go get one so only my close friends and family have my number and thats not good enough. I love him to death and he finds all these faults in me now. I dont know what to do anymore. I can't give up my job. I wont give up my friends and I can't seem to do anything right!!

[daniella84]

I tried talking to him and he just looks through my phone and finds all these problems. I am a dispatch manager so I have a company phone. Techs call me, comcast managers call me and customers call me. I told him I wll get rid of the phone and go get one so only my close friends and family have my number and thats not good enough. I love him to death and he finds all these faults in me now. I dont know what to do anymore. I can't give up my job. I wont give up my friends and I can't seem to do anything right!!

 

Honey, you dont have tto give up anything. its your life and no man is worth giving itt up for.

 

my suggestion is try talking to him one more time. if he is still not attentive enough or not giving answers, take a break from . till him you need a few days to figure out whats best for you. usually this kind of break works really great forr guys.

 

i hope he will be in a better state to listen to you after that.

 

one very imp thing: if you are taking a break, then stick to your word. dont give him a call in between , it will only diminish the seriousness of the situation.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Listen to Breaking Away..she has been down this road and knows how it gets worse and worse. Your partner has a serious self-esteem problem and he is emotionally abusing you. Get out before your own self-esteem crumbles. This man is no good.

[Lynda0630]

I have already lived through abuse and I know I dont want it again. I was with my daughters father for 5 years. He used to beat me all the time. He broke my ankle and I now have a nasty scar to show for it everyday of my life. I built up the courage to leave him so I don't know why this is so hard!!

[Lynda0630]

I wish for one second I can make him understand. Even as we speak Im trying to communicate wit him through the phone and his responses are blah bla blah, I ain't working on * * * * . I just wanna drive my car off a bridge. I dont even know why Im so worked up about him

[free2Bme]

his responses are blah bla blah, I ain't working on * * * * .

 

oh my god dump his worthless butt!

 

Seriously, why do you want to be with someone who treats you like this?

[Breaking Away]

I have already lived through abuse and I know I dont want it again. I was with my daughters father for 5 years. He used to beat me all the time. He broke my ankle and I now have a nasty scar to show for it everyday of my life. I built up the courage to leave him so I don't know why this is so hard!!

 

 

its harder the second time around for some reason..

 

i left an alcoholic... and remembering how hard it was is what stops me in my tracks when i begin to walk away from my fiance- i just don't want to go through the pain... its hard.

 

and THEY make it harder because they come around all "baby baby- i'm so sorry, i love you, your my everything, i dont mean to... i'll change"

 

and being good people- we believe.. because its hard to believe that someone could sound SO sincere and not mean it.

 

you probably won't take any of this advice until you are ready to make the move- i know i didn't and don't- its a process that you have to go threw on your own - you have to be ready to do it when you are ready.

 

i'm getting there- every accusation takes me closer and closer to changing my number and the locks... and the man is CLUELESS as to how far gone i am.

 

he sent me a text message saying "got to work early huh baby- slept close to the job huh?"

 

insuating that i was at someone house getting some- more of the same accusations and BS.

 

it just pushes me further away.

[annie24]

I agree. His accusations are pretty typical of someone who is himself guilty of cheating. Sounds to me like he is not in this relationship out of love and respect...just for sex. I would suggest you walk away from this...you don't deserve to be treated like this. I hope you have been using protection...I would strongly suggest you get tested for STDs and stop having sex with him.

 

yes, i agree!!! cheaters will often accuse their partner of cheating as well. i think you should leave him and find a man who will be crazy about you and your daughter.

 

hugs

[Breaking Away]

I wish for one second I can make him understand. Even as we speak Im trying to communicate wit him through the phone and his responses are blah bla blah, I ain't working on * * * * . I just wanna drive my car off a bridge. I dont even know why Im so worked up about him

 

because, like me, you are probably codependent and you make yourself responsible for how HE feels...

 

this is not about you- this is about him- what he is doing started long before you met him.

 

get out- wasting 8 months of your life is better then wasting another 5 years.

 

life is too short-

 

if you start giving up your friends and your job- you will become more dependent on him- the more dependent you are of him- the more control he has- the more control he has - the more he will take- until you have nothing.

 

nothing for you- nothing for you daughter- nothing for anyone.

 

i'm at that point right now- i have had more people, family, friends, coworkers tell me i am a shell of my former self.

 

its a slow painful process- but eventually they take everything from you.

[Breaking Away]

and i don't know why you labeled this thread YOUR trust issues-

[Lynda0630]

in a way you make it sound easy...except for you breaking away. I agree with you. I know I'm better off. I know I deserve better. I just love him so much! My daughters father I built up hate for and thats why I was able to walk away. Each time he did something it pulled me further away. and at the end he was giving it his all and trying like hell but by that time it was too late. I dont have that hate for Jose. In my eyes right now he is my everything

[Breaking Away]

its not easy Lynda..i know that... im going through it right now-

 

tonight my dad is coming by to change the locks.. and then i will change my phone number- its the ONLY way to do this... to be strong and do this.

 

its HARD... very hard- and you have to find that stregnth you once found to leave your husband... you have to find that girl that KNEW she deserved better.

 

remind yourself what he gives you vs what he takes.

[Lynda0630]

i wish i could walk away but instead im over here teying to talk him into working things out. i hate this. i dont know what my problems is!!!

[Breaking Away]

thats frustrating- i have been there and i know what it feels like.

 

i honestly believe that is a part of the manipulation- they twist and turn things to make you think that its your fault- when in actuality .. its THEIR fault- but they have you so twisted up inside that you start to think you have to fix it...

 

i found that part the most degrading and destroyed my self esteem more then anything else.

[Lynda0630]

what can i do to occupy my time so that I dont think about him?? He is so stubborn. I know hes is not goona call or text or attempt to see me in anyway

[Lynda0630]

im hopin if i leave him alone he will come too me even though i highly doubt that will happen

[Breaking Away]

they always start to come back when they realize they have lost you- its what they do.

 

i know mine is going back and forth from trying to get me to pity him- to saying its over- to trying to guilt me "i hope 'he' is worth it" and then going silent. then trying to act like nothing is wrong- then trying to say that i "hurt" him by not being there for him.

 

its all a mind trip- a big fat mind trip.

[Lynda0630]

omg...your words that he says sound exactly like my man. i hate it but the problem is that i know if i give up so will he!!!!

[Breaking Away]

omg...your words that he says sound exactly like my man. i hate it but the problem is that i know if i give up so will he!!!!

 

even more reason to remain strong and stop putting up with his behavior.

 

mine is trying all kinds of manipulation tactics today- usually this trash works- today i just can't be bothered...

 

for the first time in over a year- i'm not letting this man's emotional outbursts affect me.

[Lynda0630]

i wish i was as strong as you but i just dont think i have it in me. I have always had a tough life and I always considered myslef very strong until now. I grew up in fostercare...have an abusive ex. I know I'm strong. For some reason I am week right now and my love is overpowering my mind. My heart says to stick around and my mind says to get out now and find someone who is going to trust me and love me and rive me the respect I deserve!!