One month since any verbal contact. What should I do next?

[gugaguga]

Hi there.

 

This is my situation up to now and I need as much help as can be offered. Please don't pass this by. Please add something. I have been involved with the love of my life for the last two and a half years. We met in college and ended up starting a serious relationship that was everything. We ended up as living partners for over a year and a half and everything was wonderful up to about a month ago.

 

We ended up taking the next step and moved on to a new place to find jobs and to start a real life together. Everything was really good. We hardly faught, (the normal couple arguments), and we were so into each other. But one night it took a dramatic change and left me with a heart that still hurts so bad. He came home and one thing led to another and before things were said and done things were awfull. We ended up fighting over somethings that were really stupid and we said things to each other that we really didn't mean. He told me that it was over and that he was moving home. I left because of the heat of the argument and felt really bad. I decided on coming back the next day to apologize and let him know that i still was there for him. We both felt really bad about what had happened and we both made up. But instead of breaking up we decided on taking a break from each other to see where our thoughts were.

 

Two days later we were on our way back to our old lives. We travelled a long distance and spent the next week together. Everything was great. A wondeful trip where we got to talk about what was bothering us and how we really did feel toward each other. He promised me that he would be back and that he needed some time to think. He told me that he still loved me and cried before we left each other. That was four weeks ago.

 

I had no contact with him since then except for a few casual emails. I havn't seen him or spoke to him on the phone. I feel like I should jump and call and see how hes doing. But I don't want to pressure him or make him run away further. I don't know why hes taking so much time, he knew how hurt I was when we left each other and he made a promise. I hope that it wasn't an easy way to leave me. False promises. I don't know what to be thinking.

 

I just need some input from others that may be feeling like I, or have advice to offer from past experiences like mine. Or even someone who just wants to help. I really want to see whats going on. Its so hard not knowing. I do know that I can't leave myself feeling like this and that I am going to end up calling to see whats going on. If this isn't going to work then I need that closure instead of being here dangling by heart strings. I need to know what the right things should be said to him that will get my point accross without making him feel sad or anything.

 

If you read this far then please take the time to consider my situation and leave me with some information that may me usefull. He was everything to me and still is. I love him and miss him so much. Hes seriously what I think about all the time. Even when I try to get him out of my head he somehow manages to find his way back in there.

 

please help

guga

 

Only you yourself can do what needs to be done. Follow your heart and evrything will happen the way its ment to.

[Out to sea]

Hello there, i feel for your situation and indeed there isn't anything obvious that i can suggest.

Where has he gone, are you still in your old life or did you go back to where you guy's were living together? How old are you two?

 

Only he know's why he hasn't contacted you, we all go on and on in this forum about no contact, you have carried it out perfectly and given him the space to sort his head out. Bravo to you for doing this hard hard task, however, you have no idea what's going on right? Is there any way you can find out on the QT?

 

To be honest though a month isn't all that long for a person to try and sort themselves out. Giving him another couple of weeks might not be a bad idea, but you know the guy better than I do. Do you have any worries that he may have found someone else?? I know that that's a rotten question but maybe it need's askin!

 

After this long you really have done well in giving him his space, he couldn't be upset if you called him, if he does get mad with you then i would be worried that there's something going on.

 

Would you be able to continue no contact for another week or so??

If so i'd leave it in case he contact's of his own accord, but if it is really getting to you then call him and try get an idea of where's he's at.

 

I know this hasn't been much help but it is a difficult situation.

 

Let us know what you decide, you've always got someone to listen here.

Good luck.

[Rainy]

Hi,

 

I agree with everything that Francis has posted,

 

If you can try and leave it for another couple of weeks, A month isnt very long if you are trying to sort your head out, but im sure its been very long for you!!

 

If you do have the urge to contact him keep it brief and see what he ahs to say, im not sure about pushing him for answers at the moment, maybe in a few weeks time if he ahsnt gave you any explanations to what is going on then id ask

[gugaguga]

Hey

 

Thanks for that bit of advice. I'm here as well in this old life. I came back for him. Not because he asked, but because I love him. And he gave me the hope that he will be back. I am 23 and hes 27. And I don't thnk that I have any problems with another girl. We promised that we would be true to each other and that we didn't want anyone else.

 

I know that I have to call to figure something out. I have sent a few emails to see how everything was, but that was it. He never responded to any of them. But hes a very to himself who holds a lot in. He never had a relationship that lasted over five months. I was his first serious relationship. We had everything going for us and he never gave any sign of bad things to come. I just don't know whats going on. I have spent the last month figuring out what I should be doing. I don't think that I diserve this. I never did anything wrong.

 

We live in separate places but about an hour away from each other. We also have mutual friends that I keep in touch with over the internet. The only things that I know about him are what I heard about hiim over this. I heard one day that he was going back to the life that we left. That really got to me and I sent him an email asking if it were true and letting him know how hurt that I was because of what I heard. He got back to it. First time that I heard anything from him in a long time. He told me that he wasn't gone anywhere and as for everything that we have been going through that he didn't know what to say? That he honestly didn't. i still don't know what he ment by that. So I responded by asking him what he ment and he never got back. I feel that if he didn't want to see me anymore that he wouldn't of told me that he was still there. Does that mean anything? Am I making any sense?

 

Well sorry to babble on. When I do this I think of many things that I can tell people to give them a little more insight about whats going on. Please do get back with anything that you can offer. And if you have anymore questions then feel free to ask away.

 

Thanks

Guga

[devnull]

Just try to keep an open mind is all I can suggest to you.

 

I know it hurts, but keep yourself active. I haven't spoken or contacted my ex a little over week. She is already seriously dating someone, and when I spoke to her about this it made me realize that this was probably really over.

 

Helped me begin the healing process.

 

I dunno, but there is always hope. Keep your chin up!

[gugaguga]

hey everyone

this is the latest. i am so confused as to what to do next. i've been keeping the no contact rule and yesterday he sent me a snotty email telling me how down that he was cause he had nobody to talk to and had nothing to do. he also went on to ask what i was going to do with my life. if i was staying around or if i was moving away. then later i had another email telling me that he was sorry about the last email. then he added me to his msn. i don't know what to think but it has given me a little hope that he does want to talk. i figure that if he didn't want to talk to me them he wouldn't add me to his msn contacts.

 

i'm in a place where i want this to work out so much. he did promise that he would come back to me. that he needed some time. but that was almost 5 weeks ago. i was beginning to think that there was no hope. and then this. is he possibly coming around? what should i do? please tell me something people cause my mind and heart are floating.

 

guga

[February]

Guga, it sounds like your guy is seriously confused about what he wants. I am sure he is still not sure if it is you or not. Asking you what you are doing with your life? After 5 weeks of not cotnacting you, not calling? I think that is a sure sign he is struggling with his own odea of his future. Him reaching out is a very good sign, but don't bet it is a total turn around. To be honest, I am not sure what I would do. I think though I would continue no contact. You reached out to him earlier to let him know you were there for him and he ignored you. Now he is coming around. Give it some more time. Hopefully in the meantime you have been keeping yourself busy meeting new people and ahving fun. Your situation gives me hope that my ex may come around too, it hasn't been as long since we haven't talked, but the last time we did felt finite. Good Luck and try to keep NC in effect!