5 Months And Its Still Difficult/Painful...

[Brneyegirll]

I have posted in the past about this confusing, difficult relationship ive been in. Its now been 5 months and i just dont know if this is going anywhere or nowhere. My question is, when do you feel the guy im dating should tell his parents so we can start a normal, healthy relationship? Its been very hard. I didnt plan this relationship what so-ever and certainly did not plan falling in love with this guy, but it happened and happened for both of us..now what?? Below are my previous posts- Thanks for any help/suggestions everyone..

 

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[woobiegirl]

Let me begin by saying I'm so sorry for the loss of your husband at such a young age. You do however, still have many wonderful years ahead of you to share with someone special when the time is right and start a new life together. You also have a wonderful advantage.... the knowledge/experience of having shared such things as commitment, passion, loving, giving, receiving, planning the future and so many other wonderful experiences that come from being in love.

 

I've read your prior postings and must admit I would be very frustrated myself. It sounds like he does allot of talking & making promises with no actions to back it up. He's the one with hang-ups, excuses and can't seem to stand up to his parents. My suggestion would be to move on...find someone who will give you a healthy commitment. Someone who will be proud to make you part of his life, introduce you to his family, friends and make you feel like your the most important person in his life. You mentioned you are used to sharing, talking and having a bond with your husband....even if you did end up marrying this person, what kind of husband would he make? He may not have the gift to be open, warm and easy to be with since he's never been married or experienced a serious commitment. In the end it may be a constant struggle for happiness.

 

Whatever you decide...don't settle for less than what you give in return, make sure it's healthy and will bring you happiness.

 

Let us know how it works out for you,

Woobiegirl.....

[Brneyegirll]

Thank you so much WoobieGirl..

 

When this all first started, i did agree that he could wait 6 months of the date of my husband passing away to tell his parents because he felt so strongly about it. But now the 6 months has came i haven't been saying anything about it, and i did say something about a week ago and he says..

Well,i believe i told you 6 months to tell them we were "friends", not dating"!

And i confronted him to let him know pretty much he was lieing. Needless to say, he said maybe he did say that. But he never did say if or when he would ever tell them. Well this crushed me bad because that was not what was said at all. He directly told me 6 months he was telling them we were in Love and he was dating me. He did tell them we are friends about 2 months ago. And now he does walk over about 2-3x a week. But they only think were friends and he still cant spend the night out and makes no effort to. In 5 months, we have probably spent the night together 4-5x. A couple of weeks ago i made reservations at a hotel and told him to figure out what he would tell them because i wanted us to be together for the night. He did go but he had to lie and get his dad to drop him off somewhere to make it look like he was leaving due to his past job. And then i had to pick him up. I feel like a teenager all the time..and he's older than me!

He says its gonna take time to tell his parents and he has to do it very slowww. I just feel if he really wanted a future with me/us, then he wouldn't be playing all these games. He never talks about our future 2gether, and this really bothers me. If i didnt Love him, i wouldn't do all the crazy stuff i feel i have to. And i do give alot to the relationship and dont get what im giving back at all. It hurts..but yet its soo difficult for me to let go of him. I know you are right in the fact that this is what needs to be done. I just dont know how?? And if i do, do you think it would be good for me to date someone else right away so i can get over him?

Thanks for any help

[Suavemantotherescue]

Well people usually tell their parents about their relationships in about 1 day to a few resonable amount of weeks or a month or so, of course it different for everyone like in your case you asked him to wait 6 months because of your loss. Now, it seems, that the time is up and you should tell him to agree to his promise. You should wounder if he dosnt fallow up with a simple promise like that youhave to wounder what other kinds of bigger promises he may break later. You should tell him that if he truly cares about you he'd do what he said he was gonna do.

As for woundering if a relationship should be thought with the mind or the heart, it should usually begin with the heart. If you feel something in you that you can't describe that means there are intesnse feelings. However, later on you should start using your mind a little more. Like if you suspect his doing something you should use your logical skills rather than your heart. Us your heart only when your in a passionate moment like kissing or sex or something like that, using your mind makes stuff like that suck since your trying to put it in porportion but you can't.

However, if you feel that your relationship isn't working you have to ask yourself if you can spend the rest of your life with him. If this relationship seems like work more than plesure to you then you shouldn't continue with him, UNLESS you feel you can't be with anyone else. If so, talk with him to try and make it work.

Hope that helps.