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my husband and i have been married for 15 years, we have a 15 year old son also

our relationship has been what i like to call passionate, we love, fight, and bond passionately. but recently a new problem has arised

he always knew our son was most probably not his biologically

he said he knew he could not have kids

we promised to each other that we would keep his possible parentage to ourselves

recently we have been having more problems than usual, his mother has moved into our home and is not easy to deal with.

our argueing has become more violent, never fists thrown and we never actually talk the problems over, just forgive and forget.

but i dont know if i can forgive this time, when we fought he threatened to tell our son that he was not his, but then he crossed the line

we were drinking and argueing and he ran and told our son that he knew i was not faithful and he was not his son

Ask your mother who your father is

our son is reasonably adjusted teenager, if he wanted to tell him of the possibility we should have told him together quietly and resonably

i made feeble excuses and did not deny the fact of his parentage but where do i go now??

i feel lost and ashamed

we cannot afford therapy and i want us to be a family again but i cannot have sex with my husband and he wants to forgive and as usual , the subject has not been broached , can we heal this marriage??

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I'd say that yes, the marriage can be healed. But see, forgive and forget doesn't always work. What works? Learn, reconcile, and forgive.

 

You should confront him about it, he should see that what he did wasn't right, and not just apologize, but make a plan for the future so that it won't happen again. Then you forgive and move on. See, "I'm sorry" really means "If I had to do it again, I would do it differently." and if a person makes so attempt to apologize, then they STILL think hurting you was right, or if they apologize but make no plans to change any behavior, then if it happens again, they will do the same thing. That does NOT work.

 

What do I mean by plan a change? Well, you say you two had been drinking, you could plan that in the future, you both WILL NOT argue while under the influence, but wait until you're both sober. (over 50% of abuse cases involve alcohol) Also, talking out the deeper issues IS necessary for any close or long term relationship. Forgetting doesn't fix things. You know what I mean?

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That was really wrong of him to do it in that way. He did it only to get back at you, and that was really spiteful. That's awful. How did your son react?

 

Are you going to do a paternity test?

 

You cannot heal your marriage unless you learn to work through your problems, instead of avoiding them and just forgetting about them.

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