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Caught Up in a Bad Marriage


miamimami1969
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Hello All-I haven't been on this website in almost 2 years. Im really not happy that I am back, but so many people on here got me through a very bad time in my life so here goes another shot.

 

I married a man in February of last year. We were together only a few months and he did a lot of things to hurt me but I went through with the marriage anyway. I will not lie it has not been easy. I probably have just been kidding myself and hiding my head in the sand hoping it will all just stop and he would just come to his senses and see the error of his ways. No luck PEOPLE DO NOT CHANGE! This man is purely evil. He is a liar, locks his cell phone, cheater, very cheap with me and others but definetely not for himself. He buys himself very expensive gadgets, but never anything for me. I always get him just because gifts and he doesnt even give a hoot about me. THIS IS THE MOST SELFISH MAN I HAVE EVER MET. I have constantly forgave him over and over again but everything always get put on me. I have swalloed my pride and put my tail between my legs so to speak just to save this marriage for fear of being alone (this is my second marriage) and fianacially as well. You see we split all of the bills. Ultimately I know I will end up having to throw him out and have my mother move in to help me with rent and bills - I would love to do it on my own but right now i cannot afford it. I will be turning 40 in a few months and I am totally ashamed that I cant do it on my own. I really want to live alone.

 

My husband claims to be a god fearing man, quotes a lot of scriptures and such, but he is a true hippocrit. A true Christian would not do any of the things that he does. I am in so much emotional pain. I am just at my wits end. This man is also the biggees slob - I work all day like him, come home cook, clean the house and he does nothing except make a mess. He may end up leaving me because he says he cannot live with me, I am too difficult to live with! I ask for too much and constantly complain he says. And I tell him all I want is normality. - He take no responsibility at all for anything he does. Can you believe that! I really hope he doesnt leave until my mom can move in which is like June becausae then i will have all the bills on me, and its a lot.

 

I also forgot to to mention that he goes to his mothers house (in another borough) at least 3 times a week to read mail for her etc (she doesnt speak or read english well). I believe he is there sometimes but not all the time. And he also has his expensive gadgets shipped there as well (the stereo he bought, cable box, playstation 3 and who knows what else). **AND last but not least he looks at other women in front of me and then when I say something he denies it and says your crazy even when my brother and his girlfriend saw him do it and I told him they saw him, his response was "why are they watching every lil thing I do" "I cant happen to look in a certain direction and someone just happens to walk in my path" - He says he didnt do anything wrong and I said oh so my brother is lying i guess and he got all defensive making it like we were all crazy.

 

I just need some guidance spiritually and every other way.

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No he is not physically abusive to me (thank god) but emotionally I am a wreck. We have never gone to counseling, I dont think he would go. He says he does not like fighting and confrontation - so what that means is I am not allowed to vent my feelings to him. I have to swallow everything and not tell him when I think he is wrong. That kills me. He says then I am always fighting with him, and I am not I am just trying to tell him what is bothering me.

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No he is not physically abusive to me (thank god) but emotionally I am a wreck. We have never gone to counseling, I dont think he would go. He says he does not like fighting and confrontation - so what that means is I am not allowed to vent my feelings to him. I have to swallow everything and not tell him when I think he is wrong. That kills me. He says then I am always fighting with him, and I am not I am just trying to tell him what is bothering me.

 

Sounds like he's emotionally abusive.

 

Have you tried counceling on your own? It might give you the strength you need to end this horrible marriage.....

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My husband claims to be a god fearing man, quotes a lot of scriptures and such, but he is a true hippocrit. A true Christian would not do any of the things that he does.

 

this is where u know to run! my dad was exactly like your husband in that part i quoted, and it made me loose faith in god. He was physically abusive.

Anyway runrunrun! sorry i didnt read the rest of ur post.

 

Butterfly

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You are right - its just hard to bring myself to do this being that I already have one divorce under my belt, the last thing I want is another. I have to gain the strength to do it. Thank you

 

You can do it. Remember the most important thing is you. And your mental health. The rest of the things are just "stuff"....they can be replaced. You can't, and life is too short to suffer like this.

 

I wish you the best......

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