my ex is getting married, i need help!

[aprilshowers41]

this is my story, i was with my ex the first time for a year, we had a son. we broke up it was hard but i managed to get passed it and we still remained friends. he ended up marrying someone else . that lasted for about 6 years, and he ended up coming back to me. since then we had been together for the last 10 years straight. we made a nice life for ourselves. but like i seen another person on here say, i think i became the relationship and i lost myself. everything just became going through the day to day. going to work coming home , cooking dinner etc. we didnt have fun anymore, we drifted apart, he stuck it out with me longer than anyone else would have i think. i know it was my fault that things turned out the way they did because he did try and try to get through to me. he is actually a really great guy that i pushed out of my life. so needless to say, through a friend who had recently come back around he was introduced to a much younger girl who he ended up leaving me for. he's 39 she's 25 with 4 kids. that was the middle of july. i was shocked, devestated, enraged, every emotion you can think of. how could he betray me this way? but i took the time alone to myself and thought about and discovered all the things i had done wrong, it was like a light was turned on in my mind. i had lost the 40 lbs that i had gained during our relationship , even though he said that never bothered him , it bothered me. started feeling good about myself again, we were still sending emails back and forth during this time, he ended up coming home but was only here for a week then he left again. with no warning. that was the end of september, first part of october. then about a month later i seen his marriage license in the paper, i thought i was gonna die. he came back a few days later , saying how he had made a huge mistake , he didnt want her. she wasnt like me. and he was sorry for putting me through all he had done. he missed me and he loved me and how i took care of him. he wanted his family back. i believed him. we were together for about 2 months. spent thanksgiving, christmas and new years together. everything was good, we were better than ever before. he told me that i was doing everything right this time. i felt so close to him. then out of nowhere he left to go to the store and never came back. he went back to her. he told me afterwards that he did what he did for himself and not to hurt me. he said that he loves me but he has to be true to himself. he left jan 6th. it is now march 10th and his marriage license was in the paper again yesterday. he is marrying her for real this time, they are planning a wedding, the end of this month. how can he marry someone so soon after being with me? i have been doing quite well since he left up until now. i feel like im going to die. how will i get through that day? thinking about not ever having him in my life again is killing me. im trying really hard to just let it go, but its so hard. all of those feelings and pain are coming back. its hard for me because all of my friends are his friends also, we all grew up together, ive known him since he was 17 . i am now 41. he has been in my life for so long. any advice on getting past this? i dont really have any one to talk because i dont want our friends knowing that i am falling apart. im trying to be strong especially for our son. but this is killing me.

[UCLAMike]

what do you mean you pushed him away? and what do you mean he tried hard to get to you?

[aprilshowers41]

i mean that over the years he tried talking to me, tried to tell me things he was feeling that wasnt right in our relationship. he tried to tell me he wasn't happy. like i said, i had lost myself in the relationship and was having alot of issues myself, actually depression. to the point where i just couldn't really get what he was saying. i mean i heard him but i just didnt get that it was that serious. i wasn't happy either, but i didnt think he would ever leave . i thought we would always work it out eventually. it took him leaving me for to be able to see the kind of person i had become.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Well, I wouldn't totally blame yourself for this relationship going sour. He has a lot to be accountable for...namely the fact that he was never really that committed to you...he always seemed to have a wandering eye. He fathers a child with you then dumps you to marry someone else. He comes running back to you when that marriage ended and then 10 years later dumps you again for someone else...and who is this someone else...a woman 14 years his junior, who at 25 has 4 children (and I have to wonder if they are all the same father). I don't think he is Mr. emotionally secure and healthy either. So while you have to accept he is gone I don't think you should accept total blame for this. I think, in the long run you will be better off...he is just too fickle.

[aprilshowers41]

well when we first broke up it was mutual, it wouldnt have lasted back then. and he didnt marry his ex until well after that. but we were still friends, even hung out together. he has never cheated on me. even with the 25 year old , he wasnt with her sexually until after he had moved out. im not taking up for him but its just the facts. i do agree that he is very emotionally unstable and unhealthy and i have no doubt that he will end up getting everything he deserves from the 25 year old with 4 kids. i know i will be better off in the long run its just getting there thats the problem