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Online dating...what's the protocol?


KG
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Joined a site yesterday, just checked and am getting winks from women far, far away.

I mean, thanks for the ego boost, but how do I politely say that the distance is a factor?

TIA,

KG

 

And why would they do that?

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I would put that fact in your profile... not sure if your site allows you to put in a distance factor.

 

Winks are just winks... there's no reaosn to respond if you aren't interested. They may wink because they don't have a paid membership and they want you to look at their profile... with the amount of attention that females get on dating sites, I was often suspescious if one of them went out of the way to contact me.

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And why would they do that?

 

Because, even on a dating site, some people don't really want a relationship. Developing interest in someone who is GU (Geographically Undesirable) is a way of keeping a real, in-yer-face, relationship at bay while giving oneself (and others) the appearance that one is looking for love.

 

Speaking as someone who was notorious for developing attractions and quasi-relationship with far away people...even prior to the Internet...I can also say that much of the time, it's not done with the intent to harm others (although it can end up that way.)

 

When I did finally get to a point where I wanted something real, anyone out of an hour's driving distance was quickly (but politely) dismissed.

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Because, even on a dating site, some people don't really want a relationship. Developing interest in someone who is GU (Geographically Undesirable) is a way of keeping a real, in-yer-face, relationship at bay while giving oneself (and others) the appearance that one is looking for love.

 

Speaking as someone who was notorious for developing attractions and quasi-relationship with far away people...even prior to the Internet...I can also say that much of the time, it's not done with the intent to harm others (although it can end up that way.)

 

When I did finally get to a point where I wanted something real, anyone out of an hour's driving distance was quickly (but politely) dismissed.

 

S2S...how did you phrase it?

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S2S...how did you phrase it?

 

Oh, just something along the lines of "Thanks for the interest, but I prefer to meet people who live in my immediate area. I'm not interested in developing a long-distance relationship. Best of luck to you."

 

You're allowed to have preferences like that.

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Joined a site yesterday, just checked and am getting winks from women far, far away.

I mean, thanks for the ego boost, but how do I politely say that the distance is a factor?

TIA,

KG

 

And why would they do that?

 

the 'protocol' is to not reply or say anything, chances are they won't even remember they gave you a wink in the first place.

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the 'protocol' is to not reply or say anything, chances are they won't even remember they gave you a wink in the first place.

 

I agree with this. After a while, you just can't keep replying to every wink, and winks are so casual, people are used to not getting a response. You could reply with the same stock message if you like, but I think most women will think it's quite above and beyond the call to have written them something just based on a wink. If they send you a message, then I'd send a message. This is from my cyber dating background...

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Because, even on a dating site, some people don't really want a relationship. Developing interest in someone who is GU (Geographically Undesirable) is a way of keeping a real, in-yer-face, relationship at bay while giving oneself (and others) the appearance that one is looking for love.

 

Speaking as someone who was notorious for developing attractions and quasi-relationship with far away people...even prior to the Internet...I can also say that much of the time, it's not done with the intent to harm others (although it can end up that way.)

 

When I did finally get to a point where I wanted something real, anyone out of an hour's driving distance was quickly (but politely) dismissed.

 

I just wanted to put in that SOME women would do that because they really ARE interested in a relationship, and distance is not a dealbreaker (even if it's hard.) I'm a case in point of that.

 

When I was on the dating site I met my ex (who was 2500 miles away), I indicated that I was interested in meeting someone within 10,000 miles. That means I'd pretty much cross the earth to find the guy I'd be best with. On another site, I indicated "anywhere, no distance is too far". While this constitutes some serious practical issues of dating, I believe I'm suited to a long distance relationship with visits to get to know someone, increasing in duration and frequency. My last relationship was a disaster, so I'm twice shy of doing that again, but the truth is that the kinds of people that live here are overall unsuitable for me, and I haven't had luck here locally (which is an isolated area), so I HAVE to broaden my horizons. It's not what I'd prefer, but I believe I'm a hard person to match to someone...I need someone who is less conventionally minded than the people who live where I do, and so I'd wink at someone far away because I think they sound like a good potential match, not because I don't want something "real" to develop.

 

On the other hand, I didn't send winks. I sent real, personal, one-of-a-kind short messages to the ones I was interested in. If I'm interested in someone enough to contact them, I want to give them a bit of something more personal to go on, since a wink is a dime a dozen.

 

Which, KG, I'd suggest you do as well, since you'll be picked out of the crowd of men if you send a personal message to someone you contact. Winks are like the slush pile.

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