How to talk to him about developing casual relationship??

[couture]

I had a one night stand with a guy at the end of November, he had quite a reputation with one night stands throughout the uni so I didn’t think anything would come of it, he took my number and sent me about 30 messages over that weekend. We broke for Christmas and I didn’t reply to his message. When I next bumped into him he approached me and we started talking he told me he liked me and was upset when I didn’t text him and decided to ‘play it cool’.

 

Since then we have been texting each other, and he has been over to watch videos and I’ve stayed at his a few times. When we’re together he’s very affectionate, whenever we see each other out he’ll play it cool in front of his friends, but I’ll catch him looking at me accross the room and whenever I chat to any guys he’ll always be watching. However he is also incredibly flirty with girls but I was always aware of his flirty nature as that is how it is.

 

I thought this was a casual relationship but I’ve started to feel towards him and he’s told his friends and my friends he likes me which if it were purely casual would you admit to having feelings towards me? I will be seeing him tonight and will probably end up as it always does me staying at his so how do I approach the subject of how we both feel without coming accross a complete idiot?

[Copeland]

It's been some time now hasnt it, how about asking where things actually are or where he thinks things are going?

 

Okay, so perhaps this is not an easy subjet to approach. You could always take it on by asking 'so have you been seeing anyone lately' or something, that way he can either say 'no, not at the minute' which sounds like he things maybe only casual for him, or if he says 'well, what do you mean?, i'm seeing you?' or something along those lines, you know that he's perhaps seeing it as a bit more and then you may feel easier to discuss things from your point of view and how things are developing.

 

CopeLand

[Athena]

I think it's important for you to be upfront and honest about where you are at feeling-wise, and what you want from him. Don't misidentify the repression of your feeling as being normal prerequisite compromise hidden under the cloak of being curteous or "non pressuring". Just lay it out. What's the sense in beating around this bush?

 

Lets face it, either he wants what you want, or he doesn't. If he doesn't - find that out as quick as possible. Otherwise you are going to be chasing after something that you will never catch.

 

Look at his behavior for what it is. We've all been in that situation with that person where we thought WE were the one who was going to change his ways. The end of that story is always the same.

 

-A

[GeeCee]

I agree with the above post in terms of you both keeping yourself safe.

 

I disgree with the above post in respect that in order to have sex you have to first have love. For some of us, sex is an enjoyable part of a healthy lifestyle (along with the gymn, drinking lots of water and eating vegetables). It also can provide some intense and wonderful feelings for the two people involved. But not always, and that is not always what the two people involved want - sometimes sex can be used as a release.

 

Now clearly, this relationship has evolved from a sexual relationship to an emotional one. I think that you need to be careful about how to approach this, but I think that you need to approach it nonetheless if it is bothering you. However, I don't know that you need to be going down the 'where is this going route' at this stage. You are both very young. Would it not be enough, at this stage to simply know that you are both in an exclusive relationship?

 

Good luck.

 

G xx