I think I want a lover but I don't want to use anyone... confused...

[1MoreChance]

so I've been broken up with ex for 6 months. I still have feelings for him, I adore him actually, and we are on good terms. yesterday I got my hair cut by him (he's a stylist) and we ended up totally connecting, so much joy and smiles, and HE INVITED ME FOR COFFEE. yes. I know he still has feelings / attraction. we ended up talking a lot about this and that, and about serious stuff too. and we flirted as well. there is definitelly still something there. he said he wanted to go out dancing together, how fun it would be ... I basically said I think we want to be close right now but we can't so i don't know what to say... I mean, he was the one to break it off (which I accept and understand and respect), but the last thing I want is to get hurt again or hurt him. as much as I feel connected to him and adore him, I don't feel the time is right for us, and if he came back I'd reject him at this point. also I think I am a bit angry at him cause of all the confusion he brings into my life. one minute he wants to be frineds, then he doesn't feel ready to be, then he invite dme for coffee and flirts and tells me "you are amazing", "you are so pretty", "you are a beautiful person inside and out", "you are so unique".

 

so I was thinking, should I find a lover? Is it using someone? will it just become awkward and uncomfortable? will we get bored / loose repect for each other? does one person usually end up "wanting more" and then both people feel like crap? before I met my now ex bf, I pretty much decided that I would only have sex with someone i was in love with the next time. It took a couple of years.... I met him, it was amazing... BUT I don't want to wait another 10 years for the "love of my life" (if there is such a thing), I want to enjoy my life. and I have fantasies and want sex and companionship. I sill long for and miss my ex bf too. But I need to mov eon. I know I will not get attached to a new man easily. So what to do in the meantime? Dry up? Enjoy my dildo? meditate and forget about men, intimacy, sex?

[Moz]

I think you need to accept that you and him are over and move on. But, you still have feeling for him, even after you two have been apart for 6 months. All I can say is you'll know better than anybody when you are ready to move on and start a new relationship. As for taking a lover, well, I'm sure your not the only woman to do that and I'm sure there are plenty of guys out there who'd help you. But is that what you want? If so, then what's the problem?