jerryish Posted February 28, 2009 Share Posted February 28, 2009 Hi everyone, I'm new to this blog! Okay, so My boyfriend and I started seeing eachother about 6 months ago, but we've been friends for years. He was going through a break up with his girlfriend at the time and before I left, as I'm currently residing abroad, we really hit things off, what seemed initially like a month of hanging out turned into something a lot more, we called everyday, emailed and text messaged like crazy while i was gone for the first four months. As he had just broken up with his girlfriend, they had sex once more. I can understand how it is difficult to break up, and him and i should've waited, but passion of the moment and everything we quickly attatched ourselves to eachother. So he slept with her while I was away, and I just had a feeling something had happened, don't know why, so i asked him if anythig had... and he came clean about it, and we worked things out. Well I was home for a month at christmas, and we spent every single day together, he talked about movie to the other side of teh world, where i'm going to school for me, the 'l' word was mentioned, and needless to say things got even more serious. I've never felt so strongly and deeply about someone as i feel about him. However after three weeks of having left one of my good friends mentioned to me that I might want to ask him about his ex again. So I brought it up, in not the nicest words and he denied it, but was at work so couldn't really talk and said he would call me once he got home. well he called, and he slept with her again. made it very clear that he isn't attracted to her and blah blah. I've been recieving emails and calls from him for about two weeks now saying how he's completely messed up, thought we'd spend a lot of time together, if not the rest of our lives, how he knows he can be a better person and what a loser he is for letting me down. I know the answer is to just ditch him. But I can't. I can't bring myself to, at the end of the day I'm still crazy about him, and I'm moving back home in three months for at least a couple years. I don't know what to do. I think I've come to terms with what has happened. but the fact that he didn't just initially come clean about it the second time really bothered me. and I don't know if he's upset because he got caught or actually upset because he lied to me and I am all of the things that he says I am to him. on the flip side, I think about maybe if this is the only way i can be with him that that's okay. I don't know. and It's very difficult from here to know how to deal with things. I feel like I can forgive him and try things out fresh when I move back, but I feel like there needs to be some type of gesture or proof of his will to change. am I just grabbing at strings? should i cut off all ties? what do i do? Link to comment
Binoo Posted February 28, 2009 Share Posted February 28, 2009 Long distance relationships are possible but require a lot of work and dedication. He doesn't really sound like he's worth it. I mean, he's already proven that he can't be trusted. And what happens if you two are exclusive [ By this I mean, he stops his galavanting with this other woman as he should have done already ]? How is he going to go through months of not seeing you/dry spell and be expected to remain faithful to you? You're better off ditching him now. Feeling paranoid about what your boyfriend may or may not being doing is difficult enough without him being miles and miles away. If you begin a long distance relationship, you need to trust them completely or it will be hellish experience above anything else. Link to comment
jerryish Posted February 28, 2009 Author Share Posted February 28, 2009 I see where you're coming from and I agree, I think the difficulty I'm having lies in the fact that I believe that once I am back home, and for a couple years, that we will pick up where we left off again. and that's only three months away. for now I feel like just putting a pause button and then starting fresh when I get back... I never thought I'd ever be the type of person who would even consider forgiving someone for this, but I find myself still wanting to be with him more than ever once I'm home... I feel horrible about myself for this, it is a huge character flaw Link to comment
Binoo Posted February 28, 2009 Share Posted February 28, 2009 Don't feel horrible. It's perfectly normal to react this way. But you deserve better! I've forgiven people for messing around on me and it only left me feeling paranoid and inadequate. And the fooling around never stopped. It was a waste of my time. You will not regret leaving him. And I never thought I would be able to believe myself saying this again after I left my last boyfriend...there are good men out there! The only thing I regretted was not leaving sooner. And not caring enough about myself to realize that I deserved better. Link to comment
odile Posted March 3, 2009 Share Posted March 3, 2009 Binoo speaks wisdom. The guy is playing games. Seriously, RUN! Link to comment
atmosphere88 Posted March 6, 2009 Share Posted March 6, 2009 Hey...sounds like a sticky situation... My gf and i just broke up a week and a half ago..so hard...We were in a LDR for 6months, seeing each other once a week, sometimes once every 2 wks... She told me the day after that she kissed someone else when she was drunk...she came up to me then, and we talked...I was willing to forgive but she didnt take it,she was/is confused and doesnt know how this happened,and is genuinely disgusted at herself..She was drunk and someone may have spiked her drink etc... Anyway,after much thought and upset/hurt,ive realised that i would love things to go back the way the were, but i dont know if i could ever trust her again while in a long distance relationship...it'd be tough enuff in a regualar one, but LDR is another story... Ill be seeing her next week and we'll talk bout some things...but seriously,my mind been so crazy over all this the last week,its been so tiring...Just dont know if its worth it... Think about these things...u guys apart for long time,not seeing him...Will you be wondering if hes tellin the truth at times and stuff? D... Link to comment
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