BrazilGrl_70 Posted February 23, 2009 Share Posted February 23, 2009 Ok here is my deal... My BF has ALOT of baggage..and now he just got his car repoed and laid off from his job. he will collcet unemployment but its next to nothing. I love hiom alot, but I am sooo tired of supporting him. On top of that, I am having anxiety issues and I just was diagnosed as Bi-polar II and I am on meds, cuz I started kicking him out every month and knew something was wrong with me. Sometimes I think I am just fustrtated, he is such a great BF, does things you wouldnt imagine, like paint my toes, does my hair, get up at 4:30am goes to strbucks and gets my coffee before I go to work, but he is POOR! very poor..I know money isnt everything , but sometimes it helps? Im so fustrated! Link to comment
Mun Posted February 23, 2009 Share Posted February 23, 2009 Hello Hun, wow all those things your bf does for you.. hey you could be paying an actual professional to do.. not your bf. Sounds to me like your bf is bad for your health. You already have issues with that, why at to it? The man needs to get a job, he will feel good about himself. you will feel good about the relationship. It's a win win . what kind of baggage are you talking about.. I hope he doesn't live with you too? Tell him you have every faith he will find a good job soon and don't pay for any dates. You don't want to get into that situation. Link to comment
BrazilGrl_70 Posted February 23, 2009 Author Share Posted February 23, 2009 Hello Hun, wow all those things your bf does for you.. hey you could be paying an actual professional to do.. not your bf. Sounds to me like your bf is bad for your health. You already have issues with that, why at to it? The man needs to get a job, he will feel good about himself. you will feel good about the relationship. It's a win win . what kind of baggage are you talking about.. I hope he doesn't live with you too? Tell him you have every faith he will find a good job soon and don't pay for any dates. You don't want to get into that situation. We live togther, and he just got laid off Friday.. His baggage consists of his childrens situation, two of them a 4 yr old and a 6 yr old. Social Services took the kids from his ex wife, cuz we called them she was neglecting them, and is an alcoholic.. So now in order for us to be with the kids, I am constanlty having to take drug tests, and parenting classes that are $50 a week.. a bunch of BS..I dont drink, and have never done anything wrong they just are maming me take this stuff cuz BF lives with me. I told him since he is not working I am not tkaing any classes until he can pay for them. Link to comment
ErikT Posted February 23, 2009 Share Posted February 23, 2009 Ok here is my deal... My BF has ALOT of baggage..and now he just got his car repoed and laid off from his job. he will collcet unemployment but its next to nothing. I love hiom alot, but I am sooo tired of supporting him. On top of that, I am having anxiety issues and I just was diagnosed as Bi-polar II and I am on meds, cuz I started kicking him out every month and knew something was wrong with me. Sometimes I think I am just fustrtated, he is such a great BF, does things you wouldnt imagine, like paint my toes, does my hair, get up at 4:30am goes to strbucks and gets my coffee before I go to work, but he is POOR! very poor..I know money isnt everything , but sometimes it helps? Im so fustrated! The bolded statement does not make sense to me. If you love him, how can you be tired of supporting him? Is it love only when it is convienent for you? If his car was repo'ed before he lost his job, it also sounds like he had money issues for awhile. I think the two of you really need to look at your relationship closely... Link to comment
BrazilGrl_70 Posted February 23, 2009 Author Share Posted February 23, 2009 The bolded statement does not make sense to me. If you love him, how can you be tired of supporting him? Is it love only when it is convienent for you? If his car was repo'ed before he lost his job, it also sounds like he had money issues for awhile. I think the two of you really need to look at your relationship closely... Nothing confusing about the statement.. I am tired of supporting him financially? I do love him. Looking for advice is all..and to answer your question NO not when it’s convenient for me. And yes I wrote he has baggage, so he does have money issues.. Link to comment
ErikT Posted February 23, 2009 Share Posted February 23, 2009 My point is that if we love someone, we support them be it financially or emotionally. He has his issues, we all do. I understand the frustration, but what I was suggesting is that you look closely at your relationship to find out if your relationship is strong enough/you love him enough to deal with the "baggage." If it is bothering you now and you don't address it, it will only continue to bother you in the future. Link to comment
BrazilGrl_70 Posted February 23, 2009 Author Share Posted February 23, 2009 My point is that if we love someone, we support them be it financially or emotionally. He has his issues, we all do. I understand the frustration, but what I was suggesting is that you look closely at your relationship to find out if your relationship is strong enough/you love him enough to deal with the "baggage." If it is bothering you now and you don't address it, it will only continue to bother you in the future. I know that. I been with him a year, and I keep thinking things will get better, but now with the economy who knows when he will get a job. This post was just to see how many women were to reply and tell me they are supporting their men, to make me feel better I guess..beacsue I never supported a man before. Link to comment
SayWhen Posted February 23, 2009 Share Posted February 23, 2009 I have been with my BF for about one year and I am the sole breadwinner for us both. He is studying to go into a professional field and I want him to focus solely on school/volunteering to give him the greatest edge possible. I don't mind supporting him financially. He supports me in a lot of other ways that he probably wouldn't have the time/energy for if he had to work in addition to everything else he has going on. Sure, I get frustrated sometimes, but at the end of the day, when we are together and both happy/healthy, I know that it is all worth it. Is your BF trying to find another job? Link to comment
BrazilGrl_70 Posted February 24, 2009 Author Share Posted February 24, 2009 I have been with my BF for about one year and I am the sole breadwinner for us both. He is studying to go into a professional field and I want him to focus solely on school/volunteering to give him the greatest edge possible. I don't mind supporting him financially. He supports me in a lot of other ways that he probably wouldn't have the time/energy for if he had to work in addition to everything else he has going on. Sure, I get frustrated sometimes, but at the end of the day, when we are together and both happy/healthy, I know that it is all worth it. Is your BF trying to find another job? Yes he is looking..he is not a citizen of USA so makes it harder. He has his green card though. Hes been in the states for 12 years. Link to comment
jdpreacher Posted February 24, 2009 Share Posted February 24, 2009 Didn't you post this same story already? And you didn't like the advice people gave you, which was to pretty much put him out if you aren't dedicated to him and his children... What are you looking for this time around? I don't think anything will change as far as replies go... Blessed Be, Preacher Link to comment
BrazilGrl_70 Posted February 24, 2009 Author Share Posted February 24, 2009 Didn't you post this same story already? And you didn't like the advice people gave you, which was to pretty much put him out if you aren't dedicated to him and his children... What are you looking for this time around? I don't think anything will change as far as replies go... Blessed Be, Preacher No I didnt, he was working then. WHY are some people so RUDE>>>> Link to comment
ErikT Posted February 24, 2009 Share Posted February 24, 2009 No I didnt, he was working then. WHY are some people so RUDE>>>> I did not see Preachers comments/questions as rude. I think the fact that you brought up about his children and his baggage in your original question (and apparently once before) Preacher was trying to understand what has changed this time. It sounds like the only thing that has changed is that he is now unemployed for the past 5 days. Like I said before, if you truly love him and accept him for who/what he is, none of the things you brought up (children, parenting classes, lack of money, etc) should be a MAJOR issue. You are supporting him financially, yes. But he is supporting you in other ways. Is he going to be unemployed forever? Prob not. IS he going to find a job tomorrow? Maybe, maybe not. Who cares. He'll get back on his feet, you can support him in his job search and financial issues, and you can have a good relationship. Or you can whine about how you have to pay $50 a week so his kids can live with him. Or how he's been unemployed for almost 5 whole days and he still hasn't started working. No offense intended, but you really don't come accross as being committed to your relationship with him and his kids. Link to comment
BrazilGrl_70 Posted February 24, 2009 Author Share Posted February 24, 2009 No offense taken..and I dont pay 50 dollars a week so he can have his kids back, whcih he most likely will not be getting back. I pay 50 plus drug testing plus I buy clothes food etc.. I am not wining.. I am trying to get some advice on how to handle it. Please dont reply to my posts anymore either of you. Link to comment
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