No more sex?

[cakes]

I'm overwhelmed with confusion. I've been going out with my bf for 2.5 years. I love him so much..He's catholic, well, so am I. Except, I'm one of those catholics who believe there is a God but i can't say that my faith is that strong. On the other hand, his faith is real strong and his family is pretty catholic too. So he's been raised with good values and I respect his values..i think we are in teh same path of values, but htey're on diff. levels

 

we've slept together..and the prob is that is a sin. For the main because its pre-marital sex..And I always thought in the back of my head that yeah i guess that's wrong..but you know if the time came and it was right and i felt who ever i was with if i knew i loved him with all of my heart and knew that i would love him for the rest of my life, that icould give myself to him...and for some reason, it just didn't bug me that much. I would never think, "i'm going to hell because i've had sex before marriage or i'm having sex for the pleasure of it not because i want ot have children (apparently thats the only reason to have sex in the books of the church)"...but he has thought of all of these things and it haunts him. He doesn't want neither of us to go to hell because of it.

 

But you kknow...what happens happnens..and we had sex..And besides, we're both pretty sexual people...it was so hard not to ....And ever since, we've always been a very sexual couple... but the guilt has always been with him..adn now it's finally caught up with him where he can go no further..it's mentally torturing him..and here and there, our relationship seroiusly suffers because of it. A couple times we suggested to stop having sex to stop the guilt cos i hated seeeing him hurt like that but, we weren't strong enough to hold back.

 

But this time, it's for real. And we're not having sex anymore. (Starting this week) I even stopped taking my birth control pills to help me as a first step. I love him so much that i told him I will try to change my life around for him. Because he wants to start living a good life and start all over again because its the only way his problems and guilt will go away, well hopefully. So i am willing to give this a try. But why is it so hard for me?

 

In some ways, i feel like its a rejection of intimacy but i think that's just my reaction to it but inside i know its not...do you konw what i mean? I jsut feel like some how our relationship is goign to change...well ig uess when u're used to doing something for so long and then just stopping it so immediately its kinda like loosing a loved one who died...not that extreme, but that kind of thing...

 

And the other thing is, i never knew but, according to religoius stuff, the only purpose to have sex is to bear children, not for pleasure or any other reason. And then it scared me that i'd never have sex except for when i wnated to have a child. And that may be only 2 times of the rest of my life. Am i being shallow? I love him to death.....i dont know how this will change our relationsihp because i know we both want it so bad....but i know this will help him but it's killing me inside.....

I just dont know how our relationship will change ..for better/ for worse? i'm scared..

 

Please give me your two cents, i wouLD ABSOultely appreciate your thoughts.

[raggamuffin]

I am not a religious person at all and I believe that sex is a very important part of an intimate long term in love relationship. I personally wouldnt be intimate with someone who I wasnt in love with or who didnt love me and you sound as if you are the same. Your boyfriend doesnt have this point of view from what I have read. I suppose that it would have been easier for you in particular if you never had sex with him what so ever, it is going to be difficult because it is taking away an important part of your relationship with your boyfriend. Give it a try and see how it changes your relationship. It might add some more intimate understanding or something profound like that but if it doesnt work out tell your boyfriend that its not working out for you and that you should make a compromise. Like sexonce a week or something. Tell him that you value his values and beliefs but he needs to value yours aswell and if you believe sex is to be had because its something you enjoy then tell him that. You shouldnt change yourself to be with someone but I understand it is very difficult when you love them and want to spend the rest of your life with them. But relationships are made up of giving and taking and you shouldnt be doing all of the hard work. He needs to compromise with what you want to do. Sex is not evil, if it was not meant to be enjoyed then Im sure God would have made someother way of concieving children that did not enjoy pleassure.

[cakes]

I'm just in disbelief that I will never experience that pleasure again...(well unless i have children whatever) but ...i dont know what to feel ..i'm so lost. I care for him tremendously and love him dearly. I will give it a try for sure, I just feel like i can't get through it.

[raggamuffin]

You SHOULD NOT have to go through this. If you want to feel the pleassure tell him. Your relationship will not be a very good one if he doesnt give you some of your beliefs. Its not fair on you and will result in your relationship ultimatly failing because you will be unhappy. I can understand that they are his beliefs but its never good to be so closed minded. He needs to see where you are coming from. You shouldnt only have to have sex another 2 times in your life simply when you want to have children, that in my opinion is not right. It is called making love for a reason and it is the ultimate way to be close to your partner. You need to express your feelings to him I dont think you should have to sacrifice what you want. If he loves you he will be able to compromise.

[sphinx999]

What about if you make an agreement never to have sex before you get married and then you can use the pill after marriage. My dad is a vicar and even he thinks sex is vital for a relationship to survive and I thought god only punished womne with child birth not with no sex!