any possible hope?

[the lonely heart]

HI y'all. I am back again and with another question. Thanks in advance for any advice/thoughts you might share!!

 

K, here's the story. If you all recall, my ex broke up with me after a 3 month relationship. His reasoning was that he was confused about what he needed and wanted in a relationship. It also came out he had been with another girl for 2 years before me (so some of you assumed i was possibly a 'rebound' girl). We decided to become friends. yet he was giving me mixed signals for a few weeks about what he really wanted in our "friendship" until I sat him down and basically told him I deserved better than what I called a joke of a friendship. I guess my comments took him surprise and yet he was very appreciative that i brought it up and explained he wanted to be friends and was just worried that it would get ackward should the breakup come up in conversation. I actually laughed when he said this and recalled (to myself) how he was the only one who ever brought up the breakup. Anyway, to make a long story short...he admited he wanted to be friends and so that's what we are now...friends. I am actually very happy with this situation and at peace about the way things are happening. I noticed that I no longer get butterflies in my stomach thinking of him, nor do i cry over him, etc.

 

Of course, I will admit that I do think a return to the way things used to be (boyfriend-girlfriend) would be nice. And that brings me to my question and reason for this post. I was wondering - is there ever any chance exs who become friends can become boyfriend/girlfriend again? Does that work out ever? The reason i ask, is because i remember reading all those posts about "no contact" and how if you initiate contact you've basically wiped all chances away of getting back w/ the ex. So i was curious, if that applies in the situation i'm in... can those who choose to be friends ever get back together?

 

and plz understand i'm not grovelling on teh ground begging for a 2nd chance w/ him nor am i making our outings uncomfortable. i just want to know if there is a chance for a rebirth of a relationship? thanx.

[Miss. Snowbunny]

Hello-

 

I just posted someone similiar to your situation. I dated someone who was my friend b4 we ever dated, but unfounately we are no longer friends with each other. I think it is possible that ya'll could get back together, but u must ask yourself is he worth it? He wasn't being true to you if he made you think that u were his rebound. I think the best bet is to keep your distance. Let him make all the moves like calling and going places. You stated that u no longer get butterflies in your stomach for him but you want to be with him if you could? I think you should sit back and evaluate what truly is going on. It is a possiblity that yall may get back together but make sure that his feelings for you are real. Im sure you wouldn't want to lose a friend like i did. Goodluck,

Miss SB

[neallo82288]

If you are truly satisfied with just being friends then by all means be his friend. But if you want more and are jusst being his friend then you are setting yourself up and that will hurt more much more when you sense that what you really want is never going to happen. You must decide whether you want to just his friend or more. Can you deal with being there to help him through break ups with other girls? Can you deal with just listening to his problems about his relationships with an open mind? Can you not pass judgement on the future girls tha he chooses? I know hanging with him is cool and all that but what you need to know is that friendship is more involved than being just hang out buddies. seems to me that you are just being his friend in order to be close to him and see him. Well, this is a situation that could cause you more harm than benefit. Evaluate yourself and your true feelings and see if you can be a true friend. Seems to me that you are still pineing for him and want the friendship to be around him and use your influence to sway him in your favor. Also, he could be just being nice and not wanting to hurt your feelings and stated that he would like to be friends for now. Evaluate yourself and see if you really want to be someone that he can fall back on. sounds to me that that would be degrading and hurtful. You need to be more sure of yourself and see that you can be happy without him. LOve is a choice at first and then feelings follow to expand that choice. Thinkl about it, you choose to love him, for the various reasons. You did not fall in love but let yourself fall in love because you felt the need to love someone. You can, also, choose to not love someone. All your emotions are in your head. You choose to fear something, you choose to hate someone, you choose to cry about something. You do not fear something unless you have made a decision, either conscientiously or subconscientiously. All emotions are based on a decision and thereforeeee you can change your mind (after all you are a woman and every guy knows that women can change their minds more often then they change their underwear).

 

Hope this helped,

 

Neallo

[lebkaren]

I started out with my exboyfriend as friends, then our relationship turned to love. He even proposed but because I knew that my parents won't agree, I refused. When I knew I couldn't live without him, I accepted. When I said "yes", he said he wanted to tell me something about him which I don't know but I should give him time for him to think about the words. That evening I got a phone call from his boss, who is my boss and liked me too, told me that my boyfriend had someone pregnant. When I confronted him with the truth, I advised him to go back to her for the sake of the baby. He told me it was a one night thing, but I still insisted. He loved me and I loved him. His problem was his unborn baby, and mine was my parents who l refuse to let us marry for cross-cultural issues. Eventhough I knew about his problem, I kept going with the relationship. He did not want to hurt me he left me for a month hoping that I would forget him. During that time I went crazy and I returned to my job where he works just to be next to him. He used to sing to me at work, we did not meet again outside work. I felt depressed, listened to love songs, took sleeping pills. He decided to follow my advise and get married to the other woman, and I decided to get myself deported so I won't live in the same country where he lives. So I signed a paper that led for me to come back to my country and get engaged. I've been here for five months, haven't seen my ex for nine months. I still call him, he sings for me and I continue to love him. I told him I was getting married in the summer, he said he wanted to come to my country and attend my wedding. (ofcouse I said it is tough for me to see him infront of me while I am marrying some one else) The fact is that he wants to continue to be my friend and I do too. He sends me pictures of his son, and I'll send him picture of me as a bride. Some love stories never end. What do you think about my story?

[stolen heart]

hey lonely heart,

I'm new to this board and noticed your post. Sure, you can be friends w/ an ex. That's what I have been with my ex for some time... As for getting back together, like the others said, anything is possible. but don't let yourself get hurt - keep ur heart guarded. you don't want to lose it 2x to the same guy.

 

and remember to always love yourself and show how happy you are when u guys are together. yu want him to remember the great times you shared and what attracted him 2 u in the first place. good luck.