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I don't understand this guy!!!

VtecQueen

By VtecQueen
in Dating Advice

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VtecQueen Contributor

VtecQueen

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So I've been talking to this guy since December. We hit it off REALLY well, he is nearly perfect to me lol. Spending the weekends wrapped up in eachother's arms all day, he'd surprise me at my job, randomly call my work phone just to see how I'm doing, and got me a card for my B-Day that had a "spend the rest of my life with you" message in it.

 

Only bad thing is....he is leaving to go into the army in September, and he "doesn't think it would be fair to me to start a relationship and for me to have to go through that so soon" he says that in the beginning of January. But we can't help but keep falling deeper for each other (then he gives me that card). So I told him I don't care where he goes, I like him and and not afraid to say it and that I can't seem to talk to other guys cuz I don't feel they are better than him. (crazy feeling so fast i know right?)

 

I asked him how he felt and he told me "i will tell you next time I see you" he said that was on the 9th. But I feel he's acting a little strange now!!!! The 10th was his birthday and we talked for a while then, he did his cute randomly call me at work thing on Wed but I was busy and couldn't talk. But I haven't actually seen him in over a week, and I haven't heard from him since Wed. when he called.

 

I don't know, I just feel like he's getting distant or something!! I don't know why he would be doing all this, or give me that lovey dovey card if he didn't want me around....but you know what today is....and I haven't heard from him at all, and I didn't get to hang with him for his birthday. Totally weird to me...and I can't call him (his phone is broken), he's not online, I sent him an email but he won't get it till he gets online lol. I don't have any way of contacting him, but all my doors are open for him. Idk what to think of this!!! It's a bit irritating.

 

Anyone know if these are some kind of signs or something? What do you think all these could mean??

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scorpio47 Rookie

scorpio47

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It could mean any number of things, really, but what does your gut instinct tell you? Something obviously is not right here. He went from "wanting to spend the rest of his life with you" to practically disappearing, both on his birthday and on valentine's day. In my own personal experience, it meant my SO was cheating on me, but that's just my personal experience. From your story, it could be that he is trying to separate himself a little more knowing that he is planning on leaving.

 

It's very apparent that the two of you need to talk - the problem is that you can't reach him - is there a way you could swing by his place or his work?

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dasilver Apprentice

dasilver

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It could mean any number of things, really, but what does your gut instinct tell you? Something obviously is not right here. He went from "wanting to spend the rest of his life with you" to practically disappearing, both on his birthday and on valentine's day. In my own personal experience, it meant my SO was cheating on me, but that's just my personal experience. From your story, it could be that he is trying to separate himself a little more knowing that he is planning on leaving.

 

It's very apparent that the two of you need to talk - the problem is that you can't reach him - is there a way you could swing by his place or his work?

 

I have to agree with this poster. Something is definitely not right here. He's not even leaving until September...a lot can happen before then. You two definitely have to have a sit down and he needs to be honest to be completely honest with you.

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VtecQueen Contributor

VtecQueen

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Yeah that's what my gut tells me......there is someone else, but I've asked him and he told me No, he doesn't have anyone else and he has this big thing on being honest. But still.....it doesn't add up to me. There's no way to get to him, I could swing by his apt but I don't want to be crazy and just show up!

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Batya33 Grand Master

Batya33

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What do you mean by "talking?" - are you two exclusively dating - do you have that understanding? It sounds like, as with many brand new relationships, the honeymoon period has faded a bit for him (sounds like things moved very quickly in the beginning) and now he is pulling back some. Let him - give him twice as much space as he seems to need and leave the ball entirely in his court.

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VtecQueen Contributor

VtecQueen

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He has this big thing on telling the truth, so he asked me if I had talked to anyone else. I told him I went to lunch with this guy, but it was nothing more than lunch. He got a bit upset at that, but I let him know I cared more about him than the lunch guy. Maybe he felt like we exclusive dating....but it's hard for me to feel that when the only time I get to see or talk to him is when he wants to....since I have no way of contacting him.

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browneyedgirl36 Rising Star

browneyedgirl36

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He has this big thing on telling the truth, so he asked me if I had talked to anyone else. I told him I went to lunch with this guy, but it was nothing more than lunch. He got a bit upset at that, but I let him know I cared more about him than the lunch guy. Maybe he felt like we exclusive dating....but it's hard for me to feel that when the only time I get to see or talk to him is when he wants to....since I have no way of contacting him.

 

Hmmm...something seems not right to me too. How long has his phone been "broken"? Honestly, I can't imagine not having a phone; if my phone were broken, I'd have to get it fixed right away or get a new one! Does he have e-mail, even at work?

 

I don't advise going by his apartment, but...the next time you speak to him, you need to have a talk with him. It seems a bit too convenient that you can't get in touch with him unless he calls you first; I can see why this bothers you. I'm curious: Today is Valentine's Day....has he made any plans with you?

 

Also: People who have this "big thing on telling the truth" often aren't nearly as honest as they'd like others to think...just a thought. The next time you speak with him, tell him you need to sit down and have a real talk.

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VtecQueen Contributor

VtecQueen

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Thanks browneyedgirl!

 

And no he hasn't made any plans with me for today, I haven't even heard from him since Wed. Its also the weeknd of his birthday. My birthday was 2 weeks ago, he came to my job on my birthday and spent that weekend with me. Idk what happened!! Did I do something wrong by going out with the lunch guy?? Idk...we will def have a talk next time I see him. Lol well whenever that will be......

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D_Lish Rookie

D_Lish

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yea I find it very odd which is why I'm posting on here, idk what to think of this.

 

Well I was thinking married/or partnered and due to:

 

1. You have no number for him.

2. He fails to show up and spend important dates such as his birthday/valentines day with you and those are dates we usually spend

with loved ones - maybe he's with the wife or gf??

 

But then I saw how you had mentioned you have spent entire weekends with this guy and if he was married/partnered, I highly doubt that would have happened....unless he has a wife who is very trusting and doesn't mind him staying out at weekends, lol...not many wives like that though.

 

I'm unsure what to think. May have something to do with this other guy you dated. He may have interpreted it, that you aren't that interested in him, else why be dating other guys? He could be detaching, keeping a distance and because he's thinking you are not that interested maybe?

 

Have to say though, that I do find it odd you have no number for him and surely he could have had his phone fixed by now?

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VtecQueen Contributor

VtecQueen

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That's what I've been thinking why he went distant. But I told him a lot about how much I liked him and the lunch guy was nothing. I guess ill just have to wait till I see him again, that's when he's suppose to be telling me how he feels.

 

And if I was his gf I'd get extreamly worried that he was spending numerous weekends away, so I want to believe him when he says there's no one else

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D_Lish Rookie

D_Lish

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That's what I've been thinking why he went distant. But I told him a lot about how much I liked him and the lunch guy was nothing. I guess ill just have to wait till I see him again, that's when he's suppose to be telling me how he feels.

 

And if I was his gf I'd get extreamly worried that he was spending numerous weekends away, so I want to believe him when he says there's no one else

 

Well if he has a gf, he could be coming up with all sorts of reasons as to why he is away at weekends....and she may not be a live in girlfriend.

 

And while you know the lunch date guy date meant nothing....your guy will still be wondering why it was so important for you to go on this date, with a man who you claim means nothing to you. Some people are not that trusting....the guy could have been hurt before.

 

Like you say though, see what he says when he decides to show up again.

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