What do you think I should do?

[so-so-sad]

Hi - has anyone go any advice ?

 

Ive been separated from my ex for about six weeks now and I think generally I am doing okay considering the nature of the break -up.

 

Six weeks ago (after two and a half years) he cut me off dead. I know there were problems in the relationship but never expected to be treated like this.He stopped taking my calls and refused to talk to me. I left many messages asking and then pleading with him to talk. I asked him also to please let me know if he wanted to end it. He never answered. He has never actually told me it was over. I had to work that one out for myself.

 

To this day, I do not know what I am supposed to have done. I have now just tried to accept it all and move on. I have also chosen, up to now, not to confront him directly, as in the past he has been quite nasty and aggressive towards me and I did not feel able to face this.

 

I get bad days and now some okay days. I am working on looking after myself and re-building my life. After all - i would never want to be with someone who could treat another person like that. I think now I miss the person I thought he was, not the person he actually is.

 

But.... here is the problem.

 

We work together. Not in the same room/team but in the same building. I am in contact with him most days at work in some form. To begin with i just tried to avoid him as I was so upset. He ignores me at work too. Trouble is, I am not used to this kind of fall-out. I wish it could just be smoothed over and we could be civil. However, I am still angry and upset over how he ended things.

 

The question is - should I break NC to try and sort this out.(I know I cannot make him explain himself but I am tempted to try). NC has so far worked brilliantly for me. It has been sooo hard at times but it has helped me to get through this so far with some dignity intact. I dont want to break NC but I do feel that I need an explanation from him. Maybe I need this for closure. Maybe i just want to understand why he did what he did so that I dont hate him.

 

On the other hand I dont want to lay myself open for further attack. Looking back at the relationship, I can now see that he had a fairly nasty side to his character alongside the good.

I am still feeling pretty vulnerable so I need to be careful. I definitely dont want to get back with him but dont want to be enemies either.

 

Everytime I see him at work it drags up bad feelings and Im sure this is more to do with how he ended things than with it actually being over.

 

Any thoughts over what to do?

 

thanks

[DJBaby]

Please do not break NC... you will only get one of two things:

 

1. An explanation that will probably make you feel worse

2. No explanation which will probably make you feel worse

 

You are doing great. Don't set yourself back. Just remember that there is rarely closure at the end of a relationship. Closure can really only come from within your head.

[so-so-sad]

Please do not break NC... you will only get one of two things:

 

1. An explanation that will probably make you feel worse

2. No explanation which will probably make you feel worse

 

You are doing great. Don't set yourself back. Just remember that there is rarely closure at the end of a relationship. Closure can really only come from within your head.

 

Thanks DJ

 

As I was writing this thread I was realising the futility of contacting him. I know he would use it as a way to vindicate his actions and to put me down.

Ive come this far -I'll not cave in now.

 

At work today I was talking to a couple of friends and he walked right over and talked loudly over me to another colleague close by. Think I would be okay if I didnt have to face situations like that.

[TBE_1989]

What an immature jerk! This guy doesn't even deserve to know that you're upset. Five minutes talking to someone like this is five minutes wasted! Stick with NC. Vent online, vent to all your friends, cry, scream, grieve, but do NOT let him see it. He doesn't deserve to know that he occupies your thoughts.

[so-so-sad]

What an immature jerk! This guy doesn't even deserve to know that you're upset. Five minutes talking to someone like this is five minutes wasted! Stick with NC. Vent online, vent to all your friends, cry, scream, grieve, but do NOT let him see it. He doesn't deserve to know that he occupies your thoughts.

 

Cheers TBE

Ive been determined not to let him know how upset ive been. Sometimes i think he really WANTS me to come crawling to him. And thinking about it, I kinda have in the past, when he's been a jerk.

 

Gonna definitely keep up the NC. It really works wonders - even if it is soooo hard at times. This way I keep my dignity and am beginnning to see things clearer and clearer each day.

 

Thanks again. Am gonna keep strong.