Successful Friend

[imsuperman]

I have known a friend of mine for more than seven years (since we were both in high school.) He is two years older than me. He went to a private Lutheran college which his parents paid for and got an accounting degree. He said he estimates his college cost them about 100,000 dollars. He now has an accounting job where he works only 30 hrs a week but makes 25 dollars an hr. His father is a bit of a local fat cat. He has worked at the same job for nearly 50 years.

 

I on the other hand had to go to a two-year community college due to low math grades and standardized test scores. My grandmother gave me some money to go there, but it also comes from my own money. I have a quarter or two left there. I have worked for nearly three years at my local gym, as a child care worker and trainer. I am also doing an unpaid internship at a local newspaper while taking an online class this quarter. Due to work and my schedule, it has taken me 4 years to get this two year degree.

 

My friend often gets tickets to local sporting events such as Ohio State games (our favorite) through his work. We went to a basketball game the other night.

 

Sometimes when we hang out, he says hurtful things. He has told me probably twenty times not to walk at my community college graduation. (I'm on the fence about whether I want to or not) The other night on the way home from the game he was yammering about it again.

 

"I'm telling you, don't walk for your graduation. You got an Associate's degree...look, frankly...no one cares," he says to me.

 

(He also fusses over stupid things, like I drove him home and put the parking break on when I pulled into my driveway because it's somewhat steep. He immediately snapped it off.)

 

I have told him that a while after community college I would like to attend a local university to get my bachelors, but the problem is money. I don't want to owe for the rest of my life.

 

I realize I'm not as smart as him, but I feel I've worked hard to get where I am. My parents aren't rich. I mean we have a bigger and nicer house than his, but we don't have a whole lot of money.

 

I don't want to bring up his hurtful comments to him because I'm afraid of either losing him as a friend, or having him view me as a whiner. (I'm viewed as a thick-skinned type of guy.) I've known him forever and he's easily the closest friend I meant at school, and my second-closest ever.

 

I don't know what to do though, because he brings it up literally EVERY time we hang out now.

[LBP]

Tell him to shut his mouth with that trash. You work at a gym? I'm sure a lot of it is that he's physically intimidated by you and is playing up his 'strengths' in order to allay your own.

[imsuperman]

Tell him to shut his mouth with that trash. You work at a gym? I'm sure a lot of it is that he's physically intimidated by you and is playing up his 'strengths' in order to allay your own.

 

Yeah I've occasionally wondered about that. I've worked hard on my body. But I mean he brings it up so often it's almost laughable. I am annoyed by his hard-headed persistence on the subject.

 

Thanks for the reply.

 

Anyone else have any ideas? I've never talked to anyone about it before.

[PixelPusher]

Why does he care whether you walk or not, or that "no one cares." It's not his decision... it's yours. You've worked hard for it and if you want to walk, be proud of your accomplishments. You WORKED for yours and weren't handed everything like he was. If he keeps on... make a joke out of it and turn it back on him. Ask him why HE cares whether you walk or not.

 

As to his small idiosyncrisies... just let 'em go. Parking brake? Let him snap it off... don't let something like that bother you.

[wayoverit]

Why does it bother YOU so much with his opinion of things anyway? Is it because every time he voiced his opinion, you feel the lack of support lowered your already low self-esteem? If it is, then I think you need to learn to "take it like a man". Whatever he says that you don't like, counter it with YOUR opinion. You need to stand up for your ideas and opinion. This is the way of life.

[imsuperman]

Why does he care whether you walk or not, or that "no one cares." It's not his decision... it's yours. You've worked hard for it and if you want to walk, be proud of your accomplishments. You WORKED for yours and weren't handed everything like he was. If he keeps on... make a joke out of it and turn it back on him. Ask him why HE cares whether you walk or not.

 

As to his small idiosyncrisies... just let 'em go. Parking brake? Let him snap it off... don't let something like that bother you.

 

First let me say that I'm glad people are finally looking at this thread. I really thought it would get a lot of views and responses, but I thought it died after one response.

 

You're right, I'd best just make light of it probably. It's just annoying how OFTEN he mentions it.

 

Why does it bother YOU so much with his opinion of things anyway? Is it because every time he voiced his opinion, you feel the lack of support lowered your already low self-esteem? If it is, then I think you need to learn to "take it like a man". Whatever he says that you don't like, counter it with YOUR opinion. You need to stand up for your ideas and opinion. This is the way of life.

 

My self-esteem isn't the issue. The fact that he CONSTANTLY talks about it is. Imagine we were friends and I told you what to do with your life EVERY time we saw each other. I have told him my opinion several times. The funny thing is, I'm leaning towards not walking, but he brings it up EVERY time I see him still. I've flat said, "I'm not walking," just to see if he'd stop mentioning it, and he didn't. Guess I'll just have to wait til I graduate. I guess I just don't see the need for comparison.

[wayoverit]

Don't let his nagging influence your true intent. Do what makes YOU happy. You have worked hard and earned your achievement and I think you owe it to yourself to put aside half a day to do the walk.

As for your friend, simply give him the ticket and/or time of the ceremony and say you'll be happy if he attends, as you consider him a close friend; otherwise, no big deal. A true friend will be there to show support and spare his presense and time, for it is an honor to celebrate a friend's joyous moments.

[meteorstrike]

Hi IMSUPERMAN, I understand where you’re coming from. I am on the other end of your story. I used to put my friend down because he never kissed a girl. I don’t know why I did it but I continued for over a year until I slowly realize just how negative I was and how it affected him. It had to do with my self-esteem I guess, I found everything wrong with my friend and pointed it out. I don’t know why but I did make me feel better about myself. When I realized that it’s just wrong, I stopped entirely. Now I spend time to cheer him up and try to encourage everything he does. We have a better friendship now that I don’t take advantage of him. He did not talk to me about it but he did resent me for the longest time.

[Peppermint_P]

Hi Superman,

 

I wanted to reply to this thread sooner but never got around to it. Last year I formed a friendship with a very materialistic and arrogant woman at my workplace.

 

Anyway... my friend, who was a sales rep, lost her account with the company I worked with.

 

The company that I worked for was a very large sales account for my friend and it made up a large percentage of my friend's income as a commission only sales representative.

 

Anyway... while I did feel a tad bit sorry for my friend, I would have to admit that I felt quite a bit of schadenfreude (a German word meaning "feeling joy at another's misfortune") too.

 

Perhaps I was experiencing a bit of the green eyed monster of jealousy at my friend's wealth and affluence, but I think more than anything, it was my friend's hubris that made me so happy when life handed her a correction that knocked her down a notch or two.

 

Anyway... perhaps your so-called "friend" will experience negative karma at some point... so you can have a quiet little laugh to yourself.

 

Now... wouldn't that be nice??

 

Peppermint Patty

 

P.S. BTW... I am no longer friends with my sales rep friend, thank goodness. And it's a good thing as I've never been able to stand people who are conceited a$$es.