PhD studies and meeting a man...what a contrast (Annie, can you plz reply to this post?)

[purpleduckie]

I don't understand how getting married would stop you from getting a Phd or getting a Phd would stop you from getting married.

 

My female friends who have a PhD, only one is not married.

 

And I think I said this in another thread, but any secure guy is not going to be threatened by a woman with a PhD... I have friends who are university profs and their husbands never even went to university.

 

i dont know. i have weird thought sometimes... that i obsess over. soo thats why i found this thread very helpful. =)

[caro33]

Men can be threatened but yeah, a secure man who is into you will like most everything about you and, if anything, will be proud that he's seeing a woman with a PhD (if he cares at all). It does actually cease to be of any relevance quite quickly you know. Except for that last year or so, when it can get hard with stress and long days, it's not really relevant to the relationship. You make the time for the things that count. And really, people do tough and demanding jobs as well, it's not like PhD stress is the be all and end all.

[LAYAAN]

this was an interesting thread to read. i want to go for a phD after my bsc, but i have the same fear you do. 'm scared of not ending up married when i'm done. i wanted to be married by 24 or 26... but i really don't see that happening for me. i'm looking for more life experience before then. i love how so many women in this thread putted marriage on hold for their education.

that's really admirable and inspiring. do what your heart wants. people these days are getting married at much later age than before.

I'll give you the same advice, purple. Do what your heart wants. Don't look at my situation as a representative of all women pursuing PhD. I have more challenges to face b'coz I'm a south Asian and all men I've seen until now through arranged marriage process or dating (through EH) were south Asians too. Don't stress this kinda stuff. You can't plan your life and choose your dreams around/for a man that you haven't even met yet. Women are going into army, police. They end up getting married as well. Whats the deal with a PhD then.

[LAYAAN]

Men can be threatened but yeah, a secure man who is into you will like most everything about you and, if anything, will be proud that he's seeing a woman with a PhD (if he cares at all). It does actually cease to be of any relevance quite quickly you know. Except for that last year or so, when it can get hard with stress and long days, it's not really relevant to the relationship. You make the time for the things that count. And really, people do tough and demanding jobs as well, it's not like PhD stress is the be all and end all.

I agree with you Caro. Very well said.

[LAYAAN]

Have you considered white men ? They can tend to be more sympathetic to feminine issues because of the difference in culture.

Yes, I have through EH but nothing worked really so far. I'm open to considering any man on this earth who has some professional degree, believes in institution of marriage, wants to settle down with 1 woman and sees me as that woman. I can make something work with a man like that.

[Batya33]

Yes, I have through EH but nothing worked really so far. I'm open to considering any man on this earth who has some professional degree, believes in institution of marriage, wants to settle down with 1 woman and sees me as that woman. I can make something work with a man like that.

 

So you don't care about how you feel about him or whether you even like him as a person?

[LAYAAN]

So you don't care about how you feel about him or whether you even like him as a person?

Oh yes, I should feel that way about him too. I thought it was not necessary for me to put there. I thought it was assumed. Yes, its a 2-way street.