What to do with residual emotions?

[pushforward]

Hi ENA and fellow heart broken members looking to cope.

 

Lately, I've been feeling/doing better, however there are certain aspects that I have questions about. I know I still have feelings for her and I can't do anything about them, but the emotions are overwhelming today. I know a part of me still loves her and still wishes we could work things out, but in my head I've ended it.

 

My emotions run rampant and tend to affect my thoughts. For example, there is so many things I want to tell her, share with her and do with her. I feel like I'm going to explode because I have no outlet, it's like all I want to do or be is with her. I know it's over, but I still feel connected to her, like she'll be a part of my life forever. Which bothers me. I can't do anything with her, I can only do what's best for me and work through this transitional period in my life.

 

It's odd, I've forgiven her for cheating and the lies. But, I still miss her as a person. Humanity is a funny thing. I wonder how I work through this phase.

 

3 months NC, going strong and not going to break, just looking for advice to help me through the rough patches.

 

Any ideas, suggestions, comments?

[ScubaDiva]

Thoughts create emotions - you have to try and change that pattern. She's obviously knocked your confidence to the extreme that you would even consider forgiving her after treating you badly. Get a grip! You deserve better. Everything happens for a reason - connect with your true values and authenticity - I'm sure it probably won't involve a person you cannot trust? It's natural for you to feel this way right now, but you have to take steps to remember what you value most and work towards that... she's not good enough for you. Have faith that something better is waiting for you, because it is!

[pushforward]

Thoughts create emotions - you have to try and change that pattern. She's obviously knocked your confidence to the extreme that you would even consider forgiving her after treating you badly. Get a grip! You deserve better. Everything happens for a reason - connect with your true values and authenticity - I'm sure it probably won't involve a person you cannot trust? It's natural for you to feel this way right now, but you have to take steps to remember what you value most and work towards that... she's not good enough for you. Have faith that something better is waiting for you, because it is!

 

Oh, don't get me wrong. I forgave her so I can let go. To me, holding any resentment is just counter productive and I think delay my healing. I know we won't ever get back together, I wouldn't trust her because of her past actions and the way she treated me. However, the feelings confuse me. It's like a part of me wants her, but I just want to move on. Love doesn't make sense and I will not be a glutton for punishment. I deserve so much better, and I won't for settle anything less.

[ScubaDiva]

I know.. it's hard - there is no easy answer - sorry if I sounded harsh - just trying to give you a reality check. You have to focus on the positive - find things you like to do, plan a holiday, even if on your own. Just plan something - I am a big believer in plans giving hope, hope gives us reason to live. I hope you feel better and find some peace.

[NewPhillyGuy]

Read this book: The Game by Neil Strauss

[peace_lily]

I really empathize with your post since this is something I struggle with too.

 

I keep an NC journal (as suggested by SuperDave on the original NC thread, more or less).

 

I record what I did that day, in terms of activities and such to keep myself better, and how I felt. It's important to do this when you feel good, not just when you feel bad. Then you start to see that you don't feel bad all the time. This generates more optimism which in turn helps to heal more.