Keyman Posted February 2, 2009 Share Posted February 2, 2009 Some of you will remember my posting of a thread on taking a months break at the beginning of a relationship. Well, two weeks into that break the relationship has come to an end. But I am not really sad about it... here's my diagnosis of it... After my previous break up, which some of you that have seen me here before have no doubt read about, I was left in a state of great unhappiness. This was over the end, but more importantly how I felt about myself and where I gained my happiness from. Basically I'd been so unhappy with my life that I tried to pull happiness from being with someone, instead of being happy in myself and going into a relationship ready for one. Just prior to meeting my latest ex-girlfriend I was in myself just climbing back to my feet. It had been 6 months since the last one and I was becoming happy with myself. I wasn't there yet, but was beginning the process. I'm a writer, but couldn't write, in my paying job, I couldn't focus and I was generally unhappy. When I met her it was like someone set a fire cracker under me. She was a very positive and happy person, had learned a lot about self improvement and had a very uplifting personality. So I felt uplifted from two sides, having met someone that wanted similar things to me (I'd dated some other girls that hadn't prior to that) and there was a person I could learn from. So I started learning. Learning what caused me to be unhappy about myself, learning what I needed to do to find happiness within myself and how to build my own internal strength without the need for someone else. My writing came back, my want to live, my passion, my work ethic, all of it came streaming back and I feel so confident about them and about myself. All of things I learned to do for myself. What I'm trying to say is that she was the match that started my wood burning and not the petrol that kept it burning (don't use petrol on fires...BAD! ). I didn't need her to feel good about myself, she just started the process within me. The problem was that the relationship was troubled from the beginning. Too much arguing and too many issues from both sides. We were suited in some ways, and not in a lot of ways. But I kept hanging on from the misguided side that I wanted her to be more than just the person that started my fire, I wanted her to be warmed by my fire and to be a long term love for me. So I ignored all of the red flags that were going up, all the times that I said 'I wondered if we were wrong together and should break up", because I was working through my own issues, issues that were being raised with her and broken through. Issues that I needed to resolve in myself that was stopping my ongoing happiness in myself. But then the realisation that these issues, while good for my own personal development, were issues with us and they began making me feel bad about myself again. So yesterday, we ended it. I wrote several journal items this weekend gone about not wanting to be with her and wanting to break up, she just put it into words. Now the stress of the relationship is gone and all I am left is me. But I am not down or upset or unhappy, just the opposite in fact. I realised, that our paths crossed to help me get back to my feet and to started being happy in myself. Yes I wanted more from her, but the realisation was that she was exactly what she was, a person to learn from. Before her, I thought I was ready for a relationship, but now I feel like I am in so much better place to go into one. I am happy, motivated, writing, working hard (okay so I am writing this at work, but things are coming along great) and I am feeling so positive and confident. So, it would seem that this rebound, which I figure it is, was just what I needed. My life partner is nearly here and I am ready. It's time to focus on continuing to build myself and achieving my dreams and goals. I am strong and I am ready. Thank you all for reading my longwinded diagnosis. Keyman Link to comment
waveseer Posted February 2, 2009 Share Posted February 2, 2009 That is a heartwarming story, Keyman. If I were her I'd feel very good about being a positive influence regardless of the outcome of the relationship. Link to comment
dreamwarrior Posted February 2, 2009 Share Posted February 2, 2009 Hey Keyman, Was wondering what happened to you....hope your in good spirits today. hugs and smiles Link to comment
Keyman Posted February 2, 2009 Author Share Posted February 2, 2009 Hey Keyman, Was wondering what happened to you....hope your in good spirits today. hugs and smiles Hey Dreamwarrior! Thanks for the thoughts! Am struggling through the day with the expected sadness from the break up, but underlying it is a sense of happiness and strength. I know this is right. Link to comment
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