how long until you stopped "hating" your ex?

[lux848]

hi all, right now i feel this inconsolable rage toward my ex of 3 years. every few hours i feel like sending her an email about what a terrible person she is. i don't want to hate her. we haven't talked for awhile. our last communication was me sending her an email about how on the outside she pretends to be this sweet Christian girl but inside she's anything but. she cheated on me and never told me she was sincerely sorry. always blames me for everything.

 

i just want to stop. i don't like to hate people. but i just cant help it. she emailed me telling me we shouldnt talk at all cuz she got a new bf. however when we were dating she was flirting with guys behind my back. i hate this girl to the bone. how can someone be a hypocrite like that especially she was raised from a Christian family?

 

this makes me want to move to another country. plz help!

[knightingale]

Take the higher ground and walk away from all of this. Don't tell her what you think of her because:

 

1. You may regret it later, as you are hurting and not thinking rationally.

2. It will just fuel the flame and she will find some other way to make the healing even harder.

 

Think all you want to yourself, but take this time to move on. I'm sorry you're hurting, and I am sorry she turned out to be someone she is not in your eyes, but you will be okay. I promise. If she doesn't want you to contact her, then okay. Wish granted. She can sabotage this relationship just like she sabotaged you and her's and eventually it will catch up to her. As for you, you will move on and find someone who deserves the amazing person that you are.

 

Take the higher ground, always. It's the worst possible thing you can do to an ex.

 

As for the hatred? There are a lot of stages that go into healing. Sometimes you'll be sad and reminiscent of what you've lost. Sometimes you'll be angry and filled with so much hate you don't know what to with it. Sometimes you'll feel fine, even happy. Sometimes you won't feel anything. Eventually, each phase grows further apart and much less intense. Eventually, you'll simply feel like you again. That's when you know you've healed.

 

Good luck.

[In_hiding]

personaly, I don't hate my ex, been 3 months and Never once did hate cross my mind. Even past EXs I never hated or got angry with. Takes to much effort to hate and be angry. Just got to take it in stride as a life lesson and kee going. Not saying that I don't miss them like H*** but then again, i don't like to get angry, I don't like me when i'm angry.

 

Me

[homeagain]

i think it is a sign of moving on when you stop feeling anger/hatred/rage, but instead feel nothing. i have been in several situations with people where i walked away hating them... but then as time went on, i can hear their names or even see them and i just don't feel anything now. time really does heal.

 

in one case, someone did something i thought to be totally unthinkable to me. i never thought i would forgive him. as time went by, though, i just stopped being angry because it takes so much emotion to HATE someone. now i don't wish him ill, i'm just glad he's not in my life.

 

you should not email her because it is going to cause too much emotional investment on your part. love yourself, distance yourself from your ex... giving yourself NC really can help it not to hurt any more.

[CrashTestDummy]

One year, until she finally confronted me and asked me why I was so upset

[knightingale]

Also, even though I have moved on and have a met a wonderful guy, I still sometimes wish ill will towards my ex. But I'm not as good a person as I'd like to be either. I'd like to just not feel anything about him, but I think him never saying he was sorry, for the sake of me and not of himself, really hurt and I think until I have completely left this life behind--graduated, moved out of this little town and closer to my boyfriend, starting a career--it will be hard to completely move on from this. Especially since I see him from time to time and he pretends like nothing ever happened.

 

Some people learn not to take it so personally and move on a little better than others. Me, I take everything personally, so it wasn't/isn't as easy for me. You just have to decide which person you are and work with what you have.

 

Oh, and always remember (and I am Christian) that Christian or not, we are all human; we're all flawed and imperfect. Faith/beliefs don't make you any better or any more than a human and each one of us is going to royally screw up and each one of us is a hypocrite. We just have to rise above (as people), not let it get us down, and aim to do what we feel is best, no matter what.

[tina-rocks]

I think when we are so betrayed by the one we loved the most the pain is harder to get over.

 

Personally I know I will always carry some anger and hurt over the pain he caused me as it was the single most horrific betrayal I will ever experience but it will get easier as time passes and as for the pain. I will deal with it and when I hit the darkest hours I will deal with them and will fight, as I just don't believe he should destroy what's left of my life. I think the anger I still hold will keep me strong and enable me to move on if hard at times.

 

I think it will help us all to move on as what does not kill us surely makes us stronger anyway.

 

x