friendship falling apart cause of feelings

[zxacb]

i wrote a post on here about a month ago about a girl that i have been friends with for about a year.We work together and we have been friends ever since she started working with me.But in the last month we ahve became very close friends and i feel that i have started to fall in love with her and we have talked about are feelings about each other.we both obviously care alot about each other, but there is a problem she went out with one of my good friends and she thinks it is horribly wrong that me and her get anything started despite the feelings we have for one another!So the other day she said taht we should take some time apart so she could figure out what to do and i agreed.well last night she told that she just wants a friendship even though i know she has deeper feelings than that.I honestly don't know what to do i truley feel a connection with this girl but she just won't give me a chance and i'm worried that i care to much about her just to be friends!I just wish she would give me a chance to show her how much i care.we are both adults she is 26 and i am 24 but she just thinks it is moraly wrong to date someone your friend did and i don't!what should i do?

[owlman]

zxab, if I'm reading this right, it seems she's saying that she doesn't want to date you because she briefly dated one of your friends? How long ago was this and are the 3 of you still friends? If it was some time ago, I'd try to talk to her again. If you both share the same feelings and you don't see this other guy anymore, I think you may be able to talk your way through the difficulties and enjoy a loving relationship.

[zxacb]

well me and my friend still talk but him and her do not. they were together for about a year and she thinks it was a very serious relationship but my friend didn't think it was.They have not been together for about 6 months.I also told friend about the feelings i was starting to have for her and he told me to go for it.She just thinks that there is something very wrong with the fact that she went out with my friend and that we shouldn't start anything for that reason.It is all very confusing to me and i'm not sure if i can just stay friends with the very strong feelings i have!I'm afraid of just stopping talking to her cause she might come around and put that behind her and give me a chance ,but i'm not sure if i can with the strong feelings i'm having for her.

[osewa77]

Hi!

 

The way she feels is very simple: She hates/dislikes your friend because of the way he treated her (she was serious him, he was just having a nice time). You have a good relationship with him. There's a strain she feels in keeping a relationship with you. The strain will be very much increased if she gets even closer with you, so she can't afford it.

 

Let me cut the psychobabble. I believe that she just can't commit to a more emotional relationship with you unless you 'break up' with this guy friend who has broken her heart in the past. You have to stop being his friend (afterall, the grounds for her objection is that she can't start a relationship with you since you're a friend of her former lover. Once you stop being friends with this guy, the situation she's avoiding will no longer exist).

 

Trust me. There's a simple psychlogical principle involved here. You have to choose between the guy friend and this girl. She wants a relationship with you, under a certain condition. Break up with the guy, get the girl. I have a good feeling about this.

 

Cheers!