Now lets be friends... ?

[the lonely heart]

Hi y'all. Anyone who read my earlier post realize that I wanted to know if there was any hope of reuniting with my ex but as it would seem - the chances are slim - so I am ready to move on and enjoy life however, i was wondering... how does a couple shift to the friendship state if it was never there to began with? My ex and I (although we were only together 3 months) never had a friendship to build upon and now he (we) want a friendship... So, how do we go about that? I just don't want to come accross like the obsessed breakupee because frankly i'm at peace w/ this whole situation and not an obsessesd breakupee.

 

If any of you have any words of wisdom or experience you'd like to share regarding how to form a friendship with the ex, I'd love to hear it. Thanks a bundle.

 

Cheers

Melina

[Nifty_Swifty1]

You just have to treat it like any other friendship. It's hard, and I can't really help you because the only ex that I have made sure that wouldn't happen. She not only started to treat me like crap, she went off to collage and started treating all of her other friends like crap. She hasn't even called her best friend here the entire time she's been up there. She not only dumped me, but she dumped every friend she had that I was connected with. All I can say is that if you want to stay friends, that is NOT the way to do it.

 

This is just somethin you have to work out n your own and I hope you do

 

God Belss

[amilasiu]

well, first of all you have to be completely comfortable with the entire friendship situation. Who primarily wants this friendship? Are you completely at peace with the break-up and with your ex? Do you even care to have a friendship?

 

My two cents is that since you did not have a very long relationship, the friendship status will be much easier to achieve GIVEN that there are no bad feelings between you two and the breakup was friendly. If so, approach it casually: beer after work, lunch once in a while. It could be that both of you will not click as friends either...

[the lonely heart]

Thanks for the advice/help. Yes, I do want a friendship and yes he said he wanted one too. And I think we're both trying - Since the breakup we've gone to Mass together on a regular basis, he calls to chat, we e-mail and IM ea. other, and lately he's been coming to the club I work at (i'm a bartender) and will just sit around drinking a beer trying to talk to me when I'm working. What confuses me (and maybe its just me *G*) is that he'll simply sit there at the bar and STARE at me & won't let any other hostess serve him. once i was for example in the bathroom and he came in and wanted a beer (i guess) but when my friend Sara asked what he wanted, he said he'd only order from me. I thought that was odd since he was often at the bar before we dated and flirted w/ all of us girls. I don't know. He also asks me to dance when i'm off work, will give me a massage on the neck when i am tired, and now sends me a valentine card. I just don't get it. There doesn't seem to be a whole lot of a difference between when we dated and now except for the intimacy and "going on official dates". That's why I'm curious - how exactly this all works. I've had 2 long term relationships (2 years ea.) before and neither of us in those relationships wanted a friendship so i didn't have to deal with this.

 

Thanks again...

[Nifty_Swifty1]

You're in a tuff spot. It seems that the guy doesn't want to leave this as just any other friendship. You might need to make sure that he knows that almost dating isn't going to work. I'll dance with my friends and if I go where they work I'll make sure that there the ones that get my business, but I won't go too far out of my way. It looks like your guy is trying to have himself a girlfriend without any of the commitment. He ether gets a girlfriend or just any other friend. It isn't fare to you that he be trying and get a bit of both. You might need to step in an d tell him to back off.

[the lonely heart]

You might need to step in an d tell him to back off.

 

Yeah. i figured. I ended up sending him an email (v. nice and all) and asked him what he really wanted out of our "friendship" and asked why he kept giving me mixed signals... He hasn't replied yet and neither has he sent a "read receipt" which he has done every other time he's read an email. I guess I"ll just have to see...

 

Cheers

M

[Nifty_Swifty1]

I hope everything works out. Hope the guy gets things worked out in his own head.

 

God bless