tcan411 Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 I think its rare that people come back and post here so I want to sort of talk about things since i posted about my situation years ago. I was with a girl for 2 years. It was a mess from the start. She would end things at the drop of a hat and then come back a day later. She would beg to get back and i would go back becasue i felt i truly loved her. We broke up once for months, and it was tough but she eventually came back and we got back together. it was be amazing for months but then again we ended it; me this time. I was devistated and it took months for me to get over it. I spent a lot of nights missing her and feeling as though i wanted her back in my life. I owuld hook up with other women but really never met many i liked. I really didnt hear from her much, and i felt that it was finally over. It was depressing. Things though eventually got a little easier although it was always hard to see her out. It seemed she had totally moved on at this point and it only made me feel worse atthe moment, but i also was feeling better about things in general (which was key). I went out more, got into my hobbies more, and really felt like myself again which was an amazing feeling. I began to realize there wa scloud over my head when she was in my life. this great place made me meet a great girl last summer. Things are amazing right now and i think i have honestly found my perfect match. What is weird is that looking back i realize now it would never have worked with my ex even though i thought it was a perfect match at the time. We werre not right together, but i only realize this now after seeing the difference (at age 32 after 5 GF's, ha). I wasnt happy and thats why it didnt work. Deep down i probably knew this, but for whatever reason, ego, denial, etc...i never accpeted it. I see her now and i laugh that i even had strong feelings for her becasue she is nothing like the person i really want in my life. I was blinded by the moment. My EX got in touch with me last weekend to get back together. I was always a strict NC guy everytime things happened and she called out of the blue crying and saying she made the biggest mistake in her life, etc...I told her i had lost all feelings and that we didnt work and never really would have...and thats the truth. to be honest I think that even if i was not happy with this new girl I would have made the same decision. A person you work with you work with. There is never waffling and crap that they put you through. There are hard times and challeneges, but a true soulmate is willing to work with you through those. I read a lot of the posts here and i see myself during that time. I guess my general point is that the reason these are not wokring is that most times you dont work as a couple. You are clinging to phone calls, text's, and chats (like i used to), but in reality its usually its just not the right match, and these people are just either lonely or egocentric and want attention. I mean i doubt that even if i did get back with my last ex that it would lead to happy times. It wouldnt. It wouldonly lead to the same crap liek everyother time we got back together. Get out and live your life, and dont be held to the shakles of hope an ex will come back. NC is not a trick, its a way to move on with your life. If they come back, they come back; but its to get to a place where it doesnt matter. I am so happy today, and i think often of how i would not be here if i really held out hope that my ex would come back. I think of all the missed opportunities i would have had and all of the time i would have wasted. There is so much energy in this forum being wasted on people that have rejected you. Take that energy elsewhere and i guarentee good things will follow. I know becasue it happened for me. And my ex? still single and realizing her actions led to a failed relationship. But i dont care about that anymore becasue even if she was happily married to a new guy, i would feel the same way. Its not about revenge, and its not a game. You have one life, and one time to be young and meet new people. Enjoy that time, and dont waste it on a road that already has led to pain and suffering. Its a great place to be and i think everyone here can get there. Link to comment
gundr1kr Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 tcan- Good story. I am glad things worked out well for you. How long did it take for your ex to come back to you? Link to comment
Adge Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 Hi tcan, Really appreciate you coming back and giving the update. As you say, it's unlikely a lot of people do when their lives move on. It's nice to see you are happy with a new girl. Good on ya! Hope for us all! LOL (I'm going to have a look at your original post now!) Link to comment
flguy79 Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 There are hard times and challeneges, but a true soulmate is willing to work with you through those. I believe in this as well. And thats what saddens me too. Thank you for the inspirational story, it made me a feel better. I hope I can get there soon! Link to comment
tcan411 Posted January 14, 2009 Author Share Posted January 14, 2009 Hi tcan, Really appreciate you coming back and giving the update. As you say, it's unlikely a lot of people do when their lives move on. It's nice to see you are happy with a new girl. Good on ya! Hope for us all! LOL (I'm going to have a look at your original post now!) Hey adge, the original post was actually under another name (i left then came back) and I have had my ups and downs no doubt, but it hink what has helped the most is just moving on and putting my energy towards my life and new people, while letting go fo the ex. Link to comment
tcan411 Posted January 14, 2009 Author Share Posted January 14, 2009 tcan- Good story. I am glad things worked out well for you. How long did it take for your ex to come back to you? This happened last week with the ex after being apart for almost two years on the day. I think that was a part of it. The point is though that it felt so great to move on and realize that it wasnt right with her that it didnt even stir emotions when we talked. I would never had thought that a year ago. Link to comment
gee Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 tcan, I appreciate this story. I'm happy for you and your new gal. Keep on going buddy! As for your ex, I'm happy you finally opened your eyes because I too was blinded and def in denial for a loooong time. I agree with you with wasting time on people who have rejected us. It's NOT healthy at all! The best you can do is move on with your life even if it kills, but it gets better. We have to work hard at it that's all. Good luck to you and your new lady! gee Link to comment
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