Having an impossibly miserable day

[brokentune]

I keep cycling between feelings of heart wrenching panic that I'm never going to hear from her again, to feelings of anger fueled indignation that I will forever stay NC and will never speak to her again, to feelings of utter sadness that it has come to this.

 

We never fought very much throughout our long relationship. It was only towards the end did our communications break down. I keep thinking it could have been saved, if only... if only... if only...

 

I just don't understand what happened to us and it breaks my heart everyday knowing it ended the way it did.

[John Bendix]

Been there.

 

When pondering why did something turn out the way it did, ask yourself, why not? We cannot predict the future but we must live with the outcome when it becomes the present moment. There are many possible outcome no matter how we envision things to turn out.

 

Acceptance of what is right now seems to diminish the suffering. The past and future can do little to aid us (they are tools if used correctly) if we do not accept what is.

[beejcee]

hi broken --

 

you can't help but wonder what if when you lose something as important as the love of your life. i would give almost anything to be able to go back in time to save my marriage.

 

even though we are almost divorced, both my husband and i regret that we missed opportunities to save our marriage (like marriage counseling and him being willing to share what he was feeling rather than straying).

 

i like to think that is a tribute to the good times we shared (and we had many of those.)

 

because that is what we are missing when we say what if -- we miss the good stuff and wish we could go back to those better times with the one we love.

 

this process of breaking up is harder and lonelier and sadder than i EVER thought it would be.

 

i'm sorry you are caught in the "if-only's" right now.... it's a tough place to be. hang in there.

 

for me, seeing a psychologist has really helped me get through this and she has given me great coping skills.

 

her best advice has been to try not to look at forever -- just try to get through that difficult day, or hour or even each minute..... that advice was truly life-saving for me.

[IndigoEye]

Yes, "if only...", another issue.

 

But on the cycling between emotions: You're self control is a bit shaken from this. Send strength-roots of your inner self down to the ground - whatever you may define as your ground. If it's said and done, you must be more grounded now than ever to move on.

 

This is a time to be very self-centered. Not in an arrogant, egocentric sense; but rather a self-preserving sense. Pay attention to yourself and what you really need to observe within yourself to survive this matter. Go inside and take a good look around. How well established is your self-design to handle this. Work on any weak links. What are the actual problems this matter poses for you? Isolate them critically and address them thoroughly. Everything else will hold up much better if you can help yourself in this way.

 

Honestly, I'm shooting in the dark here. But that's my best shot barring elaboration.

 

Take care.

 

-Indigo

[brokentune]

Thank you

 

It's been 6 months since we split, and only 13 days since going NC. I guess I'm not very far along on the road to acceptance. I know I need to busy myself with me things, but whenever I find myself trying to do so, I find my mind has another agenda and it just pulls me down.

 

I am seeing a therapist and I am journaling. I think all of the emotions that get conjured with in both lead me to feelings of desperation that I don't know how to turn around. I guess time will turn me around. In the meantime, I am thankful for this place and the ability to write out how I'm feeling to strangers so I don't go and write it to my ex, even though every fiber in my being seems to be willing me to do so.

[jss1100]

Im right there with you brokentune. 4 months since the end of my 8 year relationship with my now ex gf. We were the envy of all other couples. We had a great relationship. But even great relationships often fail it seems. I am roughly 2 weeks into NC. She said we will be able to talk and stuff later but for now I have to give her time/space.

 

Life is very sad. I struggle every day to remain somewhat sane. I have no friends as my ex was my best friend and our few friends are now just her friends. Dark and lonely world. So you are not alone.

[brokentune]

Thanks, jss1100

 

I have very few friends of my own myself, and I too believed my ex was my best friend. Most of our friends were mutuals, and since I moved away from the city we both lived in soon after our break up, I find she is the one benefiting from all of our mutual friend's proximity. I worry some that I will lose them too in all of this, being that I am so far away. I also don't know what story she is telling them of our break up, but I am certain it is a very different story than the one I would tell, if I were the telling kind.

 

You are not alone either, friend.

[dstein]

I've had a brutal, crappy, sad, angry, disappointing day myself. Break-ups are hard. Being dumped sucks. I wish all of us as little pain and suffering as possible, and complete and total healing so we can all go on and find the real loves of our lives. Godspeed and all of that.

 

None of us are alone...we all have different stories, different backgrounds, different lives...yet we connect with each other on the deepest level, connected through heartache and trauma much like the survivors on the Titanic or some other disaster.

 

This is our safe haven. It's really beautiful, the recovery here. I am grateful for all of you.

[searching1951]

Me too.

Ended a 2 year relationship late November. It was a bumpy one,

but I thought we had a deep bond. There were so many chaotic factors..

Her debt, her very heavy duty medication for a serious neurological disorder,

a mismatch of many aspects of our personalities. Yet, there was a wonderful

closeness in a simple way, and the physical part of it was great.

She did the deed, but I think it was mutual. She, however, had

an ex in the wings and is back in that saddle. I am in that cold, alone, and

disemboweled state, slugging through every minute of every day and encouraging

the tears for their hoped for healing catharsis. It seems, at 7 weeks, to be

getting worse. I've maintained almost strict NC (I saw her at a restaurant

and we exchanged distant cordialities, and I subsequently sent her an email

saying how much it reminded me of our past, but that our love wasn't enough).

She didn't reply, and that whole encounter was just painful. But I am now strict NC and know I will continue it. It just sucks. This AM I was a mess, and want

her back so much.