capuccino83 Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 Hey guys, This is a really strange question for "attraction and flirting" category but I think it belong here. Basically I met this guy a while back and we really hit it off so we started sleeping together. I thought it was going somewhere b/c he kept telling me how much he likes me, and whether this is true or not I don't know, but the guy cant give me what I want and has very ADD like behavior and wants to flirt with other girls, so I broke it off with him. But we usually hang out in the same spot (we are into the same type of music so I see him out all the time). I have no problem being nice and friendly to him so every time I see him I'm like hey whats up and chat for a bit and then continue on my way. Everytime he sees me he comes up to me and tells me how cool he is and how all the other girls want him, and I'm like.. good for you. And then when he sees that I'm not getting flustered or talking to other guys, he goes into how much he likes and while he realizes that he can't give me what I want he still wants to be with me and why we just can't get together. I mean, the last time I saw he was even like.. I'll stop seeing other girls if you just come be with me, just pleeeease make out with me, I want you so much, etc. Other times he'll be like.. I guess my behavior is ADD I can understand how you can get the wrong message but I really like and so on. So I tell him to call me during the day and he's like.. I called you so much before (he did) you do it now. So fine, I talk to him the next week online or something and just say hey, and he'd be like.. oh wow, I was so drunk the other night and just goes back to being ADD. Everytime I see him this conversation happens over and over and over again and I have tried everything to break the cycle. I've tried to be a b*tch. I've tried to be nice. I've tried LC, NC, FC. I dont want to avoid places he's going b/c he's acting like an a**. i'm just really annoyed? Can someone (some guy) explain to me what his deal is? And how I make him stop trying to get with me? Link to comment
My Advice Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 You said he can't give you what you want? What would you have liked from him? You gotta make the sacrifice and not go to those places for three or four months and be firm about not talking to him or calling him back. Link to comment
capuccino83 Posted January 13, 2009 Author Share Posted January 13, 2009 You said he can't give you what you want? What would you have liked from him? You gotta make the sacrifice and not go to those places for three or four months and be firm about not talking to him or calling him back. I've already avoided them for a month! I figured he would have gotten over it by now. All I want is consistent attention (meaning every couple of days) and for him not to sleep with other girls. I'm actually totally fine with a FwB thing as long as I get consistent attention and no hot/cold behavior and no screwing around with other chicks. Thats not asking for anything really, so I don't see what the big deal is here and why he won't give in or leave me alone. Link to comment
waveseer Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 Maybe he won't give in or leave you alone because he likes having his cake and eating it too. Link to comment
My Advice Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 I've already avoided them for a month! I figured he would have gotten over it by now. All I want is consistent attention (meaning every couple of days) and for him not to sleep with other girls. I'm actually totally fine with a FwB thing as long as I get consistent attention and no hot/cold behavior and no screwing around with other chicks. Thats not asking for anything really, so I don't see what the big deal is here and why he won't give in or leave me alone. Okay, this guy sounds like bad news, as either a boyfriend, FWB, or even somebody you ever run accross. You are totally right to let this one loose. A month though isn't going to be long enough. I know it sucks, but you are going to have to find a new hang out. Did you tell him outright there is no chance for more? NEVER give him anything else again. No chance. Nothing. The hot cold thing is the oldest player manipulating insecure douche bag trick in the world. Women do it all the time to by the way. This guy has a huge red flag on him. Do not go to those bars or clubs anymore. Do not return his calls, except maybe one more time to say do not call anymore. good bye. If he calls fifty million times after that, warn him you will file harrasment charges. Link to comment
capuccino83 Posted January 14, 2009 Author Share Posted January 14, 2009 Maybe he won't give in or leave you alone because he likes having his cake and eating it too. That's the thing, he's not getting anything. At all. I told him back when that I'm willing to meet him halfway (whereas I would normally expect a guy to come fully to me) or he can hit the road. And I'm such a stubborn girl, that there is really nothing that can be said or done to make me change my mind. Link to comment
waveseer Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 That's the thing, he's not getting anything. At all. I told him back when that I'm willing to meet him halfway (whereas I would normally expect a guy to come fully to me) or he can hit the road. And I'm such a stubborn girl, that there is really nothing that can be said or done to make me change my mind. Ah, but as long as you're still willing to talk to him at all he gets to enjoy keeping you on his "future achievement" list. Link to comment
capuccino83 Posted January 14, 2009 Author Share Posted January 14, 2009 Okay, this guy sounds like bad news, as either a boyfriend, FWB, or even somebody you ever run accross. You are totally right to let this one loose. A month though isn't going to be long enough. I know it sucks, but you are going to have to find a new hang out. Did you tell him outright there is no chance for more? NEVER give him anything else again. No chance. Nothing. The hot cold thing is the oldest player manipulating insecure douche bag trick in the world. Women do it all the time to by the way. This guy has a huge red flag on him. Do not go to those bars or clubs anymore. Do not return his calls, except maybe one more time to say do not call anymore. good bye. If he calls fifty million times after that, warn him you will file harrasment charges. I guess if he straightens his behavior out, I'd have no problem with him, but as long as its like this, than yea... Thanks for the insecure douchebag comments... it def made me lol and you're right. I suppose he does think he's a player but when he sees me I guess he realizes he's not as big of a pimp as he thought and well, honestly, the other girls aren't as nice as me either The hot/cold thing is really annoying, and just so you know, I'm a woman and I try to consciously avoid doing it as much as possible. Link to comment
capuccino83 Posted January 14, 2009 Author Share Posted January 14, 2009 Ah, but as long as you're still willing to talk to him at all he gets to enjoy keeping you on his "future achievement" list. Maybe, I guess some guys would consider random conversation an achievement, but at the same time, I'm not going to be completely rude and just avoid him. I use to do that and yes, it worked really well to get the guys off my back, but then I realized that at some point I always bump into them or meet someone who knows them. So now, I just try to keep things as civil as possible in case of future contact. Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 Did you know that he was like this before you started sleeping with him? Link to comment
capuccino83 Posted January 14, 2009 Author Share Posted January 14, 2009 Did you know that he was like this before you started sleeping with him? I was difficult all the way from the beginning.Him no, the difficulty came several weeks after we started seeing each other. If I had even the slightest doubt that his character was like this, I would have stayed away. But he was the nicest guy ever.. in fact, I could have sworn that all the sexual tension aside and no matter what happened there, we were headed for the really good friends route. Which is why I figured sleeping with him would be okay. Link to comment
My Advice Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 I was difficult all the way from the beginning.Him no, the difficulty came several weeks after we started seeing each other. If I had even the slightest doubt that his character was like this, I would have stayed away. But he was the nicest guy ever.. in fact, I could have sworn that all the sexual tension aside and no matter what happened there, we were headed for the really good friends route. Which is why I figured sleeping with him would be okay. capp maybe you aren't attracted to nice guys. It sounds like his hot cold routine, which has built enough sexual tension to have you here speculating over him, worked pretty well. Link to comment
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