dumbblonde88 Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 This one goes out to the ladies. Men you can comment too but I'd like to get some female perspective on this topic. My problem is I have NEVER had an orgasm during sex without me or my partner directly stimulating my clit with a hand. Even when he does rub my clit it takes a really long time with direct stimulation before I orgasm. A lot of the time he just doesn't want to put forth that much effort and he is one of only two men in my life that has ever gotten me off. If I do the solo act it can even take me up to 15-20 minutes at times. It is seriously affecting my current relationship because my man just cant understand why it can't happen "naturally" for me and he's getting frustrated about it and I'm getting frustrated because obviously I'm not reaching my climax. Is anyone else facing this problem? Has anyone else faced this problem and overcame it? If you're not an intercourse kind of girl is there anyways you can make yourself be one or am i doomed to the "unnatural" methods? Input and advice greatly appreciated! Link to comment
shikashika Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 Well it has happened for me...but it definitely took some effort on my part.... then once I got to know his body, it happened all or most of the time. I really don't know how to explain it, but for me, orgasm during intercourse happens best in missionary...which isn't the most exciting of positions, but if you climax together it can be wonderful! Link to comment
Nkaleidoscopic Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 I don't think I've ever orgasmed without clit stimulation. I might have. It's hard to tell because after having good sex you feel kind of like post-orgasm even though you didn't have one. Link to comment
dumbblonde88 Posted January 13, 2009 Author Share Posted January 13, 2009 Well it has happened for me...but it definitely took some effort on my part.... then once I got to know his body, it happened all or most of the time. I really don't know how to explain it, but for me, orgasm during intercourse happens best in missionary...which isn't the most exciting of positions, but if you climax together it can be wonderful! Any hints? the more graphic the better because I'm hopelessly annoyed by my current situation. Link to comment
Nearwater Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 Well, When I gal is on top of me, i put m left hand down and put my wet thumb on her clit. she can focus on riding and I use a little circular action and there you have it. Seems to work! Link to comment
liquer Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 Don't get frustrated and just relax or it will never happen. If you break your connection with your clit and start thinking "omg, why is it taking so long and when will it ever happen" it never will. Link to comment
staircase Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 Sounds to me like your boyfriend is contributing to the problem more than he is helping it. How can you feel comfortable and want to orgasm with him, if he is saying he can't be bothered? That's terrible. Link to comment
Honore Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 How many men can get off with stimulation to the head of their penis? Not so many I think. The clitoris is the female equivalent to the head of the penis. So you can try to help him appreciate that basic physiological fact. And it is totally natural to want stimulation to your clitoris. Trying to rewire your sexual response is one thing, but to do so under duress doesn't sound like a lot of fun. But to address your question, kegel exercises could help in that direction. am i doomed to the "unnatural" methods? Input and advice greatly appreciated! Link to comment
liquer Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 Perhaps there is more a problem with his 'ego'? He wants to be this great lover who gives you an orgasm this way, but sorry, it just doesnt always happen that way. No shame in that, you and he just have to try other ways that will work. Link to comment
Perfect Dark Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 I don't think I've ever orgasmed without clit stimulation. I might have. It's hard to tell because after having good sex you feel kind of like post-orgasm even though you didn't have one. That's exactly the same for me! And it's really annoying. I can do it myself and it takes like 30 seconds, but with a guy it takes ages. I need a guy who knows what they're doing! Even if the sex is really good and I still haven't orgasmed I still get that nice post sex buzz. Link to comment
liquer Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 That's exactly the same for me! And it's really annoying. I can do it myself and it takes like 30 seconds, but with a guy it takes ages. I need a guy who knows what they're doing! Even if the sex is really good and I still haven't orgasmed I still get that nice post sex buzz. I'm glad you get that. An ex of mine was the same. Link to comment
Pappers Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 you are completely normal... what you see in movies and porn where a woman can come "just like that" is unrealistic. there are a few out there - the lucky ones - but not many. i suggest you just relax a little bit more and lay off the pressure you're putting on yourself. Best position for an orgasm through intercourse alone is usually woman on top - you can then grind the right way to achieve the right kind of stimulation. Also if you are in missionary the guy can become quite active (moving about a lot over your clit) and that can work too but everyone is different... realize though that what you are describing is extremely common for women Link to comment
rocio Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 Your boyfriend needs to educate himself and stop putting so much pressure on you. "Fifty to 75 percent of women who have orgasms need clitoral stimulation and are unable to have an orgasm through intercourse alone. " "Only 35 percent of the female population will orgasm during intercourse." link removed But there's hope: "Performance anxiety is believed to be the most common cause of orgasm problems, and 90 percent of orgasm problems appear to be psychological in nature. " "Reasons for failure to climax include: sexual ignorance, sexual anxiety, and fear of letting go." ...and your boyfriend pressuring you is only going to make you anxious, creating more psychological barriers. Link to comment
KG Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 If you are in missionary, arch your pelvis for your clit to make contact with his penis....he will have to help, by angling a little higher, rather than just pumping. Link to comment
Traveler27 Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 I have the same problem. I've never had an orgasm from sexual intercourse alone. I'm seeing a new guy and the sex is fantastic, but I still haven't had an orgasm with him. I too feel self-conscious about how long it takes for me to climax during oral or hand stimulation (usually 10-15 minutes), and I just give up because I get frustrated. Link to comment
jstaman Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 I was with a girl who had this same problem. At first I thought it was just me, and felt bad. We talked about it (This Helps, let him know what is going on) her main problem is just as was stated above, she was constantly thinking to herself "WHY AM I NOT CUMING!!" and not thinking about what was going on. We found that foreplay was GREAT to loosen things up for her and get her mind right (I should say extended foreplay) I would go down on her for a while and try and get her to orgasm that way or at least get her close to climax, and then most all the time she would orgasm. Just relax and think about what is going on and how it feels, dont let your mind get in the way of your orgasm. Hope this helps. Link to comment
schizo Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 What helped me when I had this problem was masturbating. Getting to know yourself really helps during sex, because you can try to manipulate yourself into positions that work for you. I have the easiest time reaching orgasm when I'm on top, because I can control what's going on and do what feels good to me. It's also easier for me to get clit stimulation by rubbing against my partner. When you're on top, try putting your hand under his lower back, or even grab onto his butt. It'll help your press your clit against him and stimulate it. You could also try getting a cream that you put on your clit to make it more sensative. Or get one of those * * * * rings that vibrate. Another thing that may work for you is if your man will give you oral sex beforehand. When I have sex after that I usually get off pretty quickly. You definitely need to try and get your partner to understand that it's not always easy for a girl to get off. It's REALLY hard to do it when you're feeling pressured. Link to comment
KG Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 How about he gives you oral till you get off....then do the deed? Link to comment
Perfect Dark Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 Another annoying thing when I'm close to an orgasm the guy always orgasms first grr! Lol. Link to comment
liquer Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 Another annoying thing when I'm close to an orgasm the guy always orgasms first grr! Lol. Never mind, that's one he owes you every time that happens. Link to comment
Perfect Dark Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 Never mind, that's one he owes you every time that happens. Lol or just finish myself off after. Link to comment
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