If she wants to stay friends

[GoldFox3840]

Okay, I'm a month into my breakup, with only one contact a week in, since I still had a book she wanted back, and I wanted to calmly tell her I was interested in a second chance, but wanted what's best for her, so I wouldn't be pressuring her.

 

Anyway, when she broke up with me, she told me I could come over and watch movies still (I told her right away it wouldn't be the same), and I could text her anytime I needed to.

 

She's brand new at relationships, and I've been through a few. I know that being a friend when the emotions are still raw is impossible, but she doesn't realize that. And I think she seriously believes that if there's a chance for us that we have to be friends so we can have that foundation.

 

So far I've just dropped off the earth, but one day I see her trying to contact me. I'm not sure what to say if she says there is no chance of us ever getting back together if we cannot be friends. I know it's basically emotional blackmail... if she wanted to get back together it shouldn't matter how close we were during the breakup.

 

Again, I know better than to try to be friends while still hurting. Maybe someday I can be friends with her, I still care about her a great deal as a person and really want the best for her. But I'm not sure how to handle the situation if she flat out tells me that we'll never get together again if I can't be her friend.

 

Any words of wisdom?

[gundr1kr]

I am not really sure what advice to give you. However, I believe she wants to have her cake and eat it too right now. I know a lot of men have done that and I have never really heard of that coming from a female. I would continue to keep your distance. I think if she cares for you a great deal, she should respect the fact that you cant be her friend. I know this from experience. My ex wants to be my friend too. I think the break up was on her terms and now how you go forward is on your terms. Don't let her decide, again, how you go forward. Thats just my opinion though.

[xXPusHedAsiDeXx]

I say implement complete NC and start moving on. You can't be friends whilst emotions are still raw, and especially if you have hope of having her back one day.

 

She needs the chance to miss what you both had, and you need the chance to move on and work on yourself.

 

Hope this helps.

[drewciouS281]

she wants the cake and eat it too. building a friendship foundation before a relationship is a valid point but i think she just wants you around at her convenience to fill her lonelieness. just cut off all contact. sounds like your headin down the right path so keep at it and you will be over her in no time.

[GoldFox3840]

Thanks everyone.

 

I know NC is the ONLY option for me right now, I just like to have some confirmation that I'm doing the right thing. NC is actually pretty easy for me to do, since I've seriously screwed up some relationships by not doing it, but it's still not easy ON me.

 

I'm going to really disappear next week. She and I interact at the university, and right now she's on break so I haven't had to see her for a month. What she doesn't know is I've already lined up something to get out of the university (it's actually a great opportunity, so it's not like I'm running away), so next week she'll be back, and I'll have just vanished.

 

I'm doing NC on my part, but I'm uncertain of what to do if/when she contacts me. She might do so simply to ask what happened to me. I don't want to ignore her completely if she calls. I'm not ready to be her friend, but that doesn't mean I can't be civil to her. I don't think it'd be a bad idea to simply return her communication to say "yeah I found this great opportunity, I'm taking care of myself, doing good, hopefully same for you."

 

Thoughts?

[rbr85]

NC, but do it for YOU not for her. Don't be a lapdog begging for table scraps of her attention. YOU are the decider of your destiny. Find out what you want, do you want a relationship with her? Don't settle for anything less.

 

You said it yourself, you can't just be friends. So don't. Tell her you're not interested in being friends, and she can call you if she's interested in being with you seriously. Then she will most definitely not call you again, but at least you leave the door open.

[rbr85]

"I'm not ready for us to be friends because I need time to sort out my emotions and work on making myself a better person. If I decide to be friends later I will get in touch. I wish you the best, bye bye."

[GoldFox3840]

NC, but do it for YOU not for her. Don't be a lapdog begging for table scraps of her attention. YOU are the decider of your destiny. Find out what you want, do you want a relationship with her? Don't settle for anything less.

 

You said it yourself, you can't just be friends. So don't. Tell her you're not interested in being friends, and she can call you if she's interested in being with you seriously. Then she will most definitely not call you again, but at least you leave the door open.

 

 

No, I can't be friends. Not yet. But, I don't want to be rude, either. If she calls to see what happened to me, and I snub her, she might decide I really wasn't worth it after all.