Has your best friend ever thwarted your dating attempts?

[Storm2166]

I'm 21 years old and I have never had a girlfriend. I've only had one real kiss, which happened a few months ago. I became a very shy person after a series of mildly traumatic incidents when I was in my early teens, and I've been doing a pretty good job of coming out of my shell. I've been trying to put myself out there and meet girls just to talk to and date casually.

 

My best friend who I've known for years is trying to help me, but here's the problem: He's very selfish when it comes to girls. He's an awesome person in every other way, but every time we go out to party or hang out with any girls he immediately goes into Pickup Artist mode and becomes the center of attention. He monopolizes the conversation and becomes the "Alpha Male". Any opposition by anyone is met with jabbing insults and he's so smooth that all the girls in the group agree with him on everything, without any exception that I have ever seen.

 

Every single girl who doesn't have a boyfriend (and a few that do) starts vying for his attention. He does this on purpose because he likes to play them off of eachother to be a challenge to whatever girl he wants that night.

 

This inevitably ends with him hooking up with whatever girl he wants that night with all the other girls still following him around and me (not to mention all the other guys in the group) left with nothing.

 

I want to know if anybody else has experienced something like this and even if you haven't your advice would be appreciated. I don't want to lose my best friend, he's an awesome person, but I can't stand him when girls are involved.

[coldplay.]

Me and my best friend went for the same girls consistently, and for whatever reason they liked me more, finally one day he called me a 'c*ck block'. Consequently we stopped hanging out together and going to parties with females involved.

 

 

But form your situation,i think i have something for you aswell. Another friend of mine is simply a man * * * * , but he isnt selfish, what he does, he will hook you up with anyone you want, he only goes after one girl a night, and as you say the 'rest' well he wants all his friends to get the girls.

 

You should talk to him, and just be like hey man hook me up, if he is unwilling, or wont stop his behavior why hang out with him? Hes not doing you any favors, just making you suffer in the shadow of his 'glory'.

[alli]

If you meet a girl you like, spend time together in the beginning without him there until you are officially in a relationship.

 

Not every girl would be willing to sleep with him just to get his attention for a few hours, and the ones that do are probably not the ones you would want to have a commitment to, anyway.

[hmdreamer7]

I'm sure he's not doing it to intentionally hurt you, it sounds like that's just how he does things when he goes out. You could do a couple of things: Ask him to help you out the next time, have him sort of coach you through a night at the club, and ask him to observe while you make the moves. Or - you can start going out with this friend less frequently, and go out with other friends whose company you enjoy. You can still be friends with him - let him know your feelings, and if he's not open to a little change, find other venues where the two of you can hang out, where there's less of a chance to pick up the ladies.

[Cloudyday]

Quite frankly he sounds like an ass. Pardon the expression but whatever happened to "Bros before Ho's"? If he really was your friend he wouldn't act the way he does ever, even in front of girls, and especially wouldn't hurl insults around.

[Kinetics]

This means he is not your best friend in this type of situation. He may be your 'best' among friends, but he certainly isn't perfect.

 

That's why I don't have best friends, haha...that's half joke, half truth (well maybe 60/40). I have much better odds when I am not with my usual circle of friends.

 

Like you, I have those who turn into 'alpha male' mode and i get the short end of the stick. Those situations absolutely suck so I know when to avoid that if I forsee it (i.e. "Wanna come to the party man? I've invited lots of girls!" "[You mean, YOUR girls.] Sorry, nope.").

 

And other times, I have those who don't understand the game at all...they don't realize I am trying to pick up a girl and they would interrupt me with really lame jokes, or others even go out of their way in an attempt to sabotage it.

 

In either end of the spectrum, any of my friends would be a terrible wingman. I have had much better odds playing the game alone, it's always worked out so I intend to keep it that way.

 

And besides, I don't like picking up a girl among my usual circle of friends. I usually find one in a different circle, through co-workers' house parties or through my hobbies, not through my friends.

[Salucious]

I am sometimes in a similar situation. Although I wouldn't say my friend is good with girls. He does know many, and when he's around girls that are attractive (not insanely hot though) he'll usually act kind of arrogant and constantly tease them. It is more of a defense mechanism for him, I don't think he knows how to talk to girls so he just teases them to a really unnecessary level.

 

Anyway, even though he doesn't exactly get girls, he definitely monopolizes the conversation and makes it hard for me to get a word in. But I've realized that that is my fault. Don't take this the wrong way, but maybe you should look at the most obvious solution, that would be: be like him! I mean, just try and pick up how he acts, how he communicates to these girls. I'll bet that if you observe him with an intent to mimmick what he does, you could do the same thing, and end up getting just as many girls, maybe more.

 

I'm not calling you a liar, but I'm willing to bet not ALL the girls that you two meet are all over him. I mean, I have been to my fair share of college parties, and there was never only one guy with every girl around him.

 

Bottom line, you recognized that he gets girls because he acts like an alpha male. So, the solution to your problem is for you to become an alpha male as well. If you call him out on "hogging" all the girls, he may think less of you. Between friends, it isn't a competition, so learn what you can from him, and then you can share the girls, 50/50. To be honest, I wish I had a friend like yours to "show me the way"