Finding closure outside of NC?

[jennamajig]

What do you do when NC seems to start eating you alive a little?

 

Sounds weird, I know, but it's been 42 days of NC for me. No contact from his end at all. The last contact I had from him was online when I told him he was right about the break-up, thank you for our two years, I'm not angry (I wasn't at the time) and best of luck in life. He wished me best, but told me he will basically never talk to me again. That hurt because the man I fell in love with would never be so cold. It was a harsh reality I faced.

 

Search and you'll find more details of my break-up story if interested. I started it "Getting Back Together" because that is where many start because getting back the relationship seems like the only way to stop the hurting.

 

I'm hurting today, hurting physically as well, which is something I haven't felt in a few weeks. I was sad, but no physical pain. At first I thought it was the holidays, but yesterday and today I cried. I mean, really, really cried. It will be three months since the break-up in two days. A friend told me the three month mark is very hard.

 

I faced and realized some things about our relationship. In the end, it seemed like it was all my fault and I shouldered that burden. I accepted what I did wrong, but I slowly realized (once he was off the pedestal) that I wasn't the only one to blame. I loved him and tried to support him, but I noticed that my needs weren't always being met. He took on too much and perhaps I was the easiest thing to let go.

 

I'm feeling lost at the moment. I need to do something to move forward, find direction in my life, rediscover true happiness. I'm not sure NC is helping me heal, but contacting him (I deleted his phone number and don't remember it - I was always bad with remembering phone numbers!) won't help either. I don't know if I would even want to hear from him unless it was to say "We need talk, I'll like us to give each other another chance" and even then, it would take so very much work.

 

I realize I am responsible for my own life, my own moving on. Just when I make some progress, I dream about him. My friend came to visit and I dreamed that she got with him (would never, ever happen!!). I had one dream where we reconcile, but it wasn't easy. We talked for ages (I wished I remembered exactly what we said), admitting what we each did wrong and how we needed to work on it...it ended with me saying "I can't move back in with you right now." The last dream had us reconcile and then he broke it off again.

 

Why if I can get through a day or two without dwelling, does my subconscious not want to let go? NC through this all, no real urge to break it until now. I'm stick of talking about it sometimes, but if I don't, it stays inside, festering.

 

I think what upset me the most was that he just give up without us trying anything. Just didn't think I was worth it. I am a stubborn person (I thought he was as well) and I hate just giving up. He just shook his head, saying "we are too much the same" and gave up. Of course, I'm not him, so who knows how he feels. I just know how I feel and that is what I deal with.

 

I'm a smart woman. Who wants to spend their life with someone that gives up that easily, right? I've gotten rid of him, pictures, etc. New apartment, new purse. Changed the ringer of my cell phone even to look ahead. Start fresh. Head is on straight - heart isn't on the same page. Spent some time with family (returned to Boston today and that may be why I am feeling so badly right now) and wondering if this God's way to telling me my time in Boston is coming to a close and that I need to move back closer to my family. I do nothing rash so I don't regret major changes when emotions are still in play.

 

Thank you ENA, for letting me get this out instead of doing anything I regret. You listen when everyone else is sick of listening.

[Decaf08]

Well for the most part you just really need to hang your head high. Too really move on, learn about yourself strenghts and weaknesses and to change so that you will be happy with yourself is a very important aspect of NC.

 

Now an important thing about your transformation. The changes you're going through right now should be done for YOU. yes YOU. YOU are the important person here, don't just do it for the sake of getting back with him. NC is not the means for reconciliation. Reconciliation is one of the many side effects of NC.

 

By the way, have you been on dates lately, or have you gone out and met new people. Give it a shot. Don't just lay idle and wait for things to happen. Your dream man, possibly future soulmate is out there. Give yourself the chance to enjoy and appreciate yourself.

 

You're a smart woman, you know what you need to do. Move on with your life. And make the best of it.

 

Looking out for ya!

[huskiesfan]

When I get tired of NC, I remind myself of two things- how my ex acted during and after the breakup. The way she acted was very selfish, and it reminds me of what I'm getting out of. Then, I think of a beautiful woman telling me that she loves me. That reminds me that God will bring the right one into my life one day, and I dont need to worry about it.

 

But, I understand how you feel. We all waver sometimes. There were times, and still are, where I feel extremely lonely and, I think to myself, how could this happen to me? For a while after the breakup, I wished for nothing more than to go back to when her and I were deep in love and happy with one another. Everyone wishes for what they once had. But we all just need to remind ourselves of why we are in NC. Keep going, because we are all behind you. If you need to talk, feel free to PM me. I can use the support myself. And don't let yourself get down. You are doing the right thing, and you will become stronger and a much better and happier person because of it. Go for it!

[jennamajig]

Now an important thing about your transformation. The changes you're going through right now should be done for YOU. yes YOU. YOU are the important person here, don't just do it for the sake of getting back with him. NC is not the means for reconciliation. Reconciliation is one of the many side effects of NC.

 

By the way, have you been on dates lately, or have you gone out and met new people. Give it a shot. Don't just lay idle and wait for things to happen. Your dream man, possibly future soulmate is out there. Give yourself the chance to enjoy and appreciate yourself.

 

You're a smart woman, you know what you need to do. Move on with your life. And make the best of it.

 

Looking out for ya!

 

Thank you. NC is and always has been for me. Not for reconciliation. I just want to heal so I can find love again someday.

 

I tried dating. Went on a few dates, though I backtracked a little when I started too early. I stepped back from that and have been thinking about taking the plunge again. I have a lot to offer, I know, I just need to be ready to open myself again

[jennamajig]

Thank you. I don't know why, but lately it has been a lot harder. Just when I think I can never cry again, sadness creeps up on me.

 

I figure each day is progress.

[thedude27]

I think what upset me the most was that he just give up without us trying anything. Just didn't think I was worth it. I am a stubborn person (I thought he was as well) and I hate just giving up. He just shook his head, saying "we are too much the same" and gave up. Of course, I'm not him, so who knows how he feels. I just know how I feel and that is what I deal with.

 

 

Jenna you are definitely not alone. I'm sitting here at 55 or whaterver days of NC and I just cant believe that the person I loved so much and who I thought loved me just gave up like that and never looked back....I cant seem to reconcile the person who I loved and shared so much with the one who hasnt even tried to contact me????????? How can she not care we were together for 8 years and I dont see how what she is doing is even possible. It just seems so cold. I've tried to villify her...I've tried to believe that maybe she thinks its helping me or something...I just cant understand. We really did have a good relationship for the most part...I'm just so confused about how she is doing this(I guess the other guy helps). Everyday she doesnt contact me is just another kick in the gut.

 

Anyways I wanted you to know you weren't alone. Some days I'm fine and some days...well you know. You have to admit that its a lot better than right after it happened tho. I guess since its changed so much from back then that it's bound to change even more for the better in the future.