Trying NC but unsure

[lil big guy]

Hey ENAers. Its been a while since I've posted on here. I'm not sure how to post the link to my previous thread but it's on here.

 

Other wise here is just a bit of background. I have been split with my ex for about 7 months now. We were in LC for most of the breakup and I was having a hard time with it. I told her I wasn't interested in friendship, but she kept contact with me a few times a week and I always responded. Finally, I got to the point where I couldn't keep it up any longer and just started to ignore her. This sent her into a bit of a panic and she basically told me she wanted to be with me, but had to end things with the guy she was seeing.

 

Well that never really happened and she ended up going on a trip with him. Upon her return, we talked and she's telling me about her trip, the new guy, and things in general that didn't sit well with me. I told her I didn't know how she could expect me to be comfortable with what she was telling me knowing my feelings still and that I needed NC to heal myself further. Well that lasted for a while until she called me up drunk one night which led us into the relationship talk again the next day while we were both at work via text messages.

 

She told me that she thinks I've changed (she complained I never told her I loved her and lacked in affection), but that she's involved with someone and even though it's not serious, she's still involved. I took that as sort of the last straw in my attempts to reconcile this relationship. I've tried to put so much into reconciling since the breakup and have been getting rejected for the past 7 months. Well a few weeks go by and I get a few texts here and there. Happy bday, Merry x-mas and happy new year texts, but I ignored all of them. I don't want it to be a game even though it may seem so, I just want to either be with her or heal to the point where contact doesn't bother me.

 

Last night she texted me asking if I had any plans for the evening. This was nearly impossible to not respond to because my old feelings flew back into me. I reluctantly held off on responding because honestly I feel that its the same stuff different day, meaning we hang out, I get my feelings again, ask for her back, and she tells me she still cares for me but is involved. On the other hand, I still desire to be with her since I feel we were a great couple and I loved her dearly. Am I doing the right thing here? Should I have responded or should I still respond sometime today? Or do I just continue NC as is and wait for something more profound from her (if that will ever come).

 

I wonder at times if she is just having a hard time letting go, but has no plans of us being together. She did tell me a few months back that her relationship isn't serious and that she feels we will ultimately be together in the long run. Meanwhile, I'm sitting here wondering when the long run will begin. Time keeps ticking away and she still stays with this guy. I am confused today and in need of some advice. Thanks you guys.

[sff123]

If the other relationship isn't serious then why does she prioritize it over yours?

[amipushy]

Don't reply. Sorry but all you will do is reopen contact with a girl who has messed you about for months, who doesnt want you but doesn't want you to move on AND is doing all this behind her new bf's back!. Thats so unfair and selfish of her and you owe her nothing, not even a reply.

 

 

If you feel that you MUST reply, tell her that unless she is single and wants to talk about getting back together to move on like you have and not contact you again. And end it by wishing her a happy life with her new boyfriend.

 

She made this decision, you did not. You never wanted this to happen or for things to be like this but she did and she does. She is still with this other guy and texting you like some 'friend', she is not your friend, she has the capacity to hurt you and she knows this and still she comes back, man that sucks.

[Pandaman211]

Just say Not sure, or something. IDK this ones tough, she could be maybe wanting to inch back into your life, b/c I see the likelihood of girls that wanna come back doing it discretely versus coming back after a long time and randomly professing her undying love for you. Its tough. Logically and most probably shes just going to confuse the hell out of you, and just play games. But theres always a chance that it would be something different. You know your ex the best, you know how shes been acting, you know if she would change or not, so assess this before you decide.

 

Yeah I can see why you shouldn't reply either. But she obviously is still interested in you in some way, shape, or form. I don't think you owe her anything though. So I say go with your gut instinct, when you're thinking rationally. If she sent it yesterday, its kind of late, depending on where you are, but yeah, go with your gut, so that you don't have any regrets. If your guts being swayed by emotion, read these posts and decide which method sits the best with you. Good luck man, tricky situation.

[SighSob]

Come on, show a little bit of self-respect and stick to NC forever!!! You are NOT her toy!! You deserve someone who wants you and loves you RIGHT NOW, not "in the long run"!!

[lil big guy]

Thank you everyone for your responses. They helped give me the confidence that continuing NC at that point was the right thing. More has happened since that last text. She texted me last week asking if it was too late for us. I called her and we talked about possibly getting back together.

 

Turns out she had a big fight with her current bf and told me she wanted to break up with him. I told her before we can think about us she had to get him out of the picture. So a few days go by and we talk a little bit, just light stuff aside from the relationship. Then she tells me she broke up with the bf, but I could tell she was obviously bothered by it.

 

Last night when I was drunk I stupidly called her and she told me she was going out. I asked her if she had talked to him and she said ya. I got really upset and we argued a bit. We got off and she texted me telling me not to be upset, that she just needed time to think. I responded saying I thought your mind was already made up. To which she responded: don't make me resent calling you, its not a big deal..don't overthink it.

 

I called her up again and she said she'd prefer to talk to me when I was sober and that I was putting a ton of pressure on her. She also said I knew not to expect to get back together right away which she did tell me in our previous conversation. She also told me in our previous conversation that the only thing keeping her from me was the current bf which she dumped.

 

I don't really know what to do? Wait for her to call? Call her and apologize for being a drunk idiot? What's your guys' thoughts?

[SighSob]

Lil big Guy...I want to fly wherever you are and give you a hundred slaps...YOU ALMOST SCREWED UP EVERYTHING!!!

So it seems like things are taking the right path...now PLEASE DON'T GET DRUNK ANYMORE...if she truly wants to go back with you or start it all over again you know what I'm saying...she will call you. You stick to NC man, and WATCH OUT...she may still be playing games...

[lil big guy]

Thanks SighSob..I would deserve every bit of those slaps. I guess I'm a little worried that I may have already screwed it up. Her last text to me was "ugh forget we even talked." But I talked to her on the phone and she said she would like to talk about it when we were both sober.

 

So I guess I'm hoping she didn't mean that last text where she said forget we talked. I guess NC really is what I should do right now. At least if I'm not talking to her then I can't screw up by saying stupid things.

[zrehman]

NO CONTACT 100%

 

She is just using and abusing you mentally for her own needs. How do you know that IF you guys get back together that she won't be doing this sort of mess behind your back with another guy!

 

She is not worth it and you can do A LOT better my friend!