When Good Conversations Go Bad....

[hereagain]

Long story short.... found out yesterday officially that my ex (who I work with) is seeing someone else and that it most likely began before he broke up with me. I think mentally he had broken up with me a couple of months before the actual break up date... things had been slowly going down hill for a while. He's gone back to his ex... (another long story)

 

Of late he is been increasingly brash and rubbing it in my face by talking to her in front of me, that kind of thing.

 

I made the decision to call him last night and ask if he could perhaps be a little sensitive to my feelings and perhaps wait till after work or when he goes to lunch to make these calls.

 

he launched into a tirade of abuse at me, telling me that it was absolutely rediculous that I was asking this, that it was absolutely none of my business, he couldn't believe I was even making this call. Told me I should grow up and live in the real world. and it was the way in which he said it, it was said with such viciousness. Wouldn't even try to see things from my point of view, told me get a life and hung up.

 

Why is it that I'm the one he cheated on, and is treating me like crap, yet I'm the one that is apparently in the wrong? and made to feel like absolute rubbish?

[waveseer]

Maybe he inadvertently did you a favor. Now you know exactly where you rate with him, nowhere. That should make it easier to let go and get on with your life.

[duppy_conqueror]

what an immature . he obviously has no consideration for your feelings, and doesn't see any reason to. in which case you need to also realise that you are not dependent on his treatment of you to increase your sense of self worth. this is the painful process of healing. not that he can really talk about growing up and living in the real world; but you need to start detaching yourself. go cold turkey; NC the deal will be the best way for you to reflect on the situation without interference, get over it and move forward so you can one day find yourself in a relationship with a man, not a little boy.

[DN]

Was he verbally abusive during the relationship? And how did you react when he broke up with you?

 

I don't think you should move from thinking he may have cheated to making statements that he did. It is possible that he was attracted to her and that is what prompted him to make the final break but that doesn't mean he cheated.

[hereagain]

Maybe he inadvertently did you a favor. Now you know exactly where you rate with him, nowhere. That should make it easier to let go and get on with your life.

 

I totally agree. I think fate did it on purpose right before New year so that I could fully and totally get over him. there is absolutely no feeling from me whatso ever anymore. He destroyed that. I feel quite liberated and I am choosing to believe that this is because it is the only way he can live with the guilt of what he's done.

 

what an immature . he obviously has no consideration for your feelings, and doesn't see any reason to. in which case you need to also realise that you are not dependent on his treatment of you to increase your sense of self worth. this is the painful process of healing. not that he can really talk about growing up and living in the real world; but you need to start detaching yourself. go cold turkey; NC the deal will be the best way for you to reflect on the situation without interference, get over it and move forward so you can one day find yourself in a relationship with a man, not a little boy.

 

I know that now, that I don't need him, when our entire relationship was built on lies and falsehoods. Im angry at myself that I trusted him when my gut told me to run. but I guess you have to look at the lessons you learn through this kind of thing.

 

Was he verbally abusive during the relationship? And how did you react when he broke up with you?

 

I don't think you should move from thinking he may have cheated to making statements that he did. It is possible that he was attracted to her and that is what prompted him to make the final break but that doesn't mean he cheated.

 

He wasn't verbally abusive, about 2 months in (not long after he met up with his ex - to give her daughter a birthday present - he promised me that he just wanted to see the little girl (not his daughter) and that he would never in a million years get back together with her, that she had issues and that it was over with her)

 

he just stopped communicating, told me that he was just complicated and that he had walls up and struggled being with someone. Towards the end it was like he couldn't touch me and would pull away or shrink away if I tried to hug or kiss him. I got the feeling then that it was almost like by touching me he was cheating on someone else. he also had a bit of a drinking problem as well which he wouldn't acknowledge. He'd get angry with me and just shut down when I tried to actually talk to him.

 

I was gutted when he broke up with me, but I took it in my stride, accepted it and think I dealt with it very well. i just wish that I'd listened to my gut when I had alarm bells ringing.

[DN]

He'd get angry with me and just shut down when I tried to actually talk to him.

 

Which is what he has also done this time.

 

I think it better that you just try to avoid him as much as possible. And, if it is possible, maybe find another job.

[hereagain]

Which is what he has also done this time.

 

I think it better that you just try to avoid him as much as possible. And, if it is possible, maybe find another job.

 

yes, you're right. I'm totally keeping my distance today and if I need to ask a work question, corresponding via email. I've been looking for something else, just nothing has come up yet. He is moving to a different department in a month or two as well. So maybe I can hang it out till then.