Bad FWB BreakUp

[BtrflyMeow]

I've had a FWB relationship with this guy for a total of 6 years. I've known

him a total of 10 years. I am 10 yrs older than him, and we met when he was an entry level person @ our workplace. Now he has an advance degree, and his position places him to be one of my superiors if I move back to this workplace. Last yr I moved out of state to pursue grad studies, but ultimately, I plan to go back to our mutual place as it is one of the best places to work for and I'm vested in our pension plan. He might still be there, or he may not. But essentially we will be working in the same dept.

 

When he offered a FWB w/ me 6 yrs ago, I was w/ a BF. He knew that, and perhaps felt safe to offer to see me on the side. He passionately made some

moves, which I did not foresee to be falling for him, so I kept our FWB a secret while I had a BF, and he went on to seeing other women. Eventually,

I broke up w/ my BF, not b/c of this friend, but when he came to console me,

he made it clear, he is not applying to be my next BF.

 

Over the years, despite frequent doubts and hesitation on my part to continue w/ him (each time we had sex, he won't cuddle, or just simply

push me to go home...as sick as it is, of course, I'd feel miserable, but after a few weeks have passed, each time he would initiate sex, I'd secretly

get so thrilled, that I secretly looked forward to it.) I never voiced out that I wanted more, but over the 6 yrs of being w/ him, I have bought him afew gifts. When he's sick, Id stop by (w/o any nurturing emotions) to bring him

soup--which clearly, he counts on me when he'd down. Needless to say, it's always followed by hot sex. He's the sexiest guy I've ever met. Of course, now that he has gotten forward in leaps and bounds in his career (clue: it's a doctorate degree w/ lots of money, prestige potential). Of course, not only is

he attracting a lot of girls, mostly young and gaga over his Alpha Male attitude, of course, my feelings for him deepened.

 

He has not once given me anything, except great sex. No gifts, no gestures

of caring. He has made it known that this is all he wants. To continue to date

others, and for me to expect nothing more. It's sick but I foresaw how this

will all end, that I chose to move out of state for grad school last year. He's

some magnet that I couldnt resist. I left w/o him knowing it, that my 1st day

out of state, in class, he called me w/ a tone that he's hungry to have sex w/ me. (HIM and I have the BEST, HOTTEST SEX, our chemistry is so passionate, the quivering lingers for days, but it truly hurts that there's no followup, unless he calls me a month later.) I'm especially frustrated that he does not allow me to initiate. He loves to be incharge all the time.

 

The 24th he called me, begging to see me. I haven't flown home yet (where he and I live) and so asked to see me Xmas day. I told him I'll be w/ family.

So he arranged to see me the next day. Phone sex ensued and of course, I'd

love to see him every single day of my visit. When I saw him, the pleasantries

only lasted 1 HOUR in the car. The next several hours where nothing but nagging from him. He found out that I was engaged while I was seeing him (I did not want to disclose too much, for fear that I'll lose him, this obviously means that I'm only halfhearted w/ the guy I got engaged to + I must really have strong feelings for this FWB guy.) He also heard from a vicious ex-coworker of mine that I stated that he was after me in the past and I couldnt see him/give him a chance b/c I had a BF then. Having a BF on the side was the only way I could see this FWB guy, as I would easily fall for him. He really was my type, but he's too young and can be immature, but I love him sexually and physically (sick, no?). He uses this gossip deal as an excuse

to get so angry. Cussing and name calling ensued, that I could not bear to see him diss me all night. We spent the night together, had some sex, but no other followup or cuddling. By the time we drove home, he got hungry, got HIMSELF some food, something that he knows that I dont' care much for, did not even offer me food and simply ate in front of me. In short, outright

disrespectful, demeaning behavior. I told him I dont want to see him again, and I'm sorry I ever met him (I was fuming mad). What did he say? Sure, he didnt want to see me again, too, and even stated, "good riddance". How ugly was that? I had a gift to be shipped to him by tomorrow, b/c I cared about him so much, I gave him some expensive, comfortable sheets. Iwas gonna match it with expensive pillows but those pillows ended up in another sibling's car. those sheets wont' be any good w/o those pillows, but up to now, I don't know if I'm gonna give him the whole set. I asked his opinion abt my upcoming gift, he said he did not care and don't expect that if I gave him something, don't expext anything in return. It's so so sad. Being that I'm older than him, he really truly dragged our relationship + breakup to the gutter. I earlier joked w/ him, in an affectionate way that I wanted something pretty for Xmas, not to mooch off of him, but to even it out w/ my gift, so no hard feelings on both sides, besides, my gift/s were quite expensive. I did not want to feel used and abused. He scoffed at me and told me I'm not getting anything fr him. He's done w/ me. What a jerk!!!

 

I dont' want to see him, I'm sick to my stomach thinking of how a fool I've been falling for such an immature guy. How do I redeem myself. I'm older and I foresee, he's gonna even more trash me, seeing how I've aged compared to him and his 'fun-loving' younger women. How do I recover my self-esteem and rise above this harrowing experience. I do not wish this on anybody else.

Pls help!!! I don't need anymore insults from you guys, I know I acted out of

emotions, I'm not that that desperate, I have a few admirers, but not as successful as him. How do I conduct myself that I will come out higher than him...It's a nagging dilemma that I have. I feel so low right now, I don't want to grovel..too much damage has been done. Not sure how I will present myself when I see him at work in the future, this is HIGHLY likely..

 

Pls advise.

[jettison]

I have to ask... do you have daddy issues? A semi neglectful and/or abusive father? Someone you could never live up to no matter how hard you tried? This is CLASSIC behavior, always trying to live up to an ideal that's clearly been made impossible on its surface. Many women crave the jerk, but you've got it bad. You respect the guy most who respects you the least.

 

You can spend your whole life trying to please daddy, and it won't ever happen, but at least you'll have a few thrilling moments in between extended bouts of dejection and self-loathing.

 

My advice: therapy.

 

p.s. Sorry you're going through a rough time with this guy. I'm sure he'll be back to abuse you if that's what you're looking for so all is not lost.

[Karmageddon]

Oh jeez. wow. Really? What is it that makes you think you don't deserve better than this B.S.

 

Who cares what he thinks. you should have shown him the curb long ago, but you have this inflated version of his worth. Good luck to you

 

I agree with Jetti....even though he is much shorter than me....that perhaps a counsellor will help you get to the root of this. you know you deserve better

[waveseer]

Hold your head up, and be the productive smart employee that you are. Don't stoop to whatever tactics he may throw at you to keep you in your place. Find peace within yourself so it just doesn't matter anymore.

[whes]

1. Therapy, as jettison said.

 

2. Grow a backbone, at least when it comes to this jerk.

 

3. If you ever are working in the same workplace again, be entirely professional, and do not allow him to call you or text your or email you. Do not respond to his advances.