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How to behave in this situation?


How to leave an abusive relationshi...
How to leave an abusive relationship and why it's so hard

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hey everyone,

firstly i'm sorry if this post is long.

 

well my ex broke up with me in august. he was my first bf and i was his first gf. he broke up cos he felt we were too young to commit. although i haven't posted on this site much i've been reading regularly and the advice here is so great. i've been on here pretty much every day.

 

i've been in nc with my ex since we broke up. and i had planned to keep with nc over christmas and everything. i've done all the right things, blocked facebook, been careful when i go out that I don't go to places where he will be, etc.

 

but last week his aunty commited suicide and my ex deals with deaths and bereavment very badly. most people cry cry cry, talk about it, get counselling -he drinks. a lot. and i still care about him a lot, so when i heard that his aunt died, my initial reaction was to text him. i just had to. i know some people here say you should stay nc no matter what, but im not one of those people who can ignore their ex when they've had such a tragic loss.

 

so i texted him saying im here for him and got a grateful reply in return. i thought that would be it. but since then he's been texting me regularly - and not about the death, either. just asking how i am and how my xmas was. small talk

 

i just dont know what to do...i feel guilty when i dont reply to his texts, but don't want to text too much in case he thinks im a stalker ex gf who wants him back! i don't knnow how to handle this...any ideas?

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I would say that you should make it clear - politely but firmly - that you were just sending heart-felt condolences for his loss.

 

It's good that you care; no person in your position wouldn't have shown such consideration they way you did. But you have to realize that he is vunerable right now and he may just be looking for someone to connect with emotionally out of the pain from his loss. Like you said, he deals with loss quite badly and his current neediness could just be the product of his grief and nothing more.

 

I won't lie. It will be difficult to tell him that you want NC. Just be delicate with him and state what you want in a way that doesn't seem like your giving him 'the boot'. Try to say something along these lines: "I'm sorry for your loss and I know you feel like you're carrying a large weight, but there are others closer to you that can help you through this. You have my sympathy, but I have to move on for a while before we can talk again. Best wishes and god bless (or whatever you want to say at the end)."

 

Of course, try to put it in your own words.

 

I hope this helps.

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