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need help. *very complicated.


jann
Starting Over In a Relationship - B...
Starting Over In a Relationship - Beginners Guide

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hi all, im new. i never thought i'd end up in a place like this. nor did i know it existed. its a long story so let me get started.

 

me and my gf of 4 yrs. broke up 3 times over those 4 years. the 3rd was me, breaking it off. i said that we should still remain friends, and we did. a month later i started talking/flirting with another friend of mine and we were on the verge of entering a serious relationship. but our relationship abruptly ended before it even started. about 3-5 months after i broke up with her , she and i(my ex-gf of 4 yrs) started to talk again and started becoming intimate.

 

later on 2-3 months after we started becoming intimate. we were on the verge of getting back together, when i found out she kissed my cousin, and also had feelings for him. i also heard from my other cousins and friends, that it went further than kissing. they told me that my ex revealed that information to them herself. and my cousin told my other cousin, who told me. word for word supposedly.

 

HOWEVER, from their mouths (my ex and cousin). they said it only happened ONCE. and never again.

 

so im stuck with 2 issues. who do i believe? and should i give them another chance. its not rly the fact that they kissed, but the fact that she didn't tell me something like that before we got intimate. now im paranoid and can't help but to think she's lying to me. i had to find out from my brother, my friends, and my cousin. any help cause im very desperate at this point. i know its a little confusing, but i'll clear it up if anything needs to be.

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What were the issues that caused 3 breakups in 4 years? Have those issues been resolved? You may have been physically intimate with her for 2-3 months but clearly there was no committed relationship...if you wanted a committed relationship with her why didn't you discuss getting back together before becoming physically intimate? Without the discussion, she perhaps figured that it was okay to look elsewhere since the two of you weren't committed to each other. Also, if this actually happened BEFORE you got intimate then why does she owe you any explanation. It is not like you were sitting there with your legs crossed during the break up...in fact, no sooner did you break up with her you were out their sleeping with someone else but weren't in a relationship with the new person you were sleeping with. Before you start condemning your ex, look to your own actions while broken up with her. She has every right as you to be interested in whomever she wants during the time that you were broken up...and she owes you no explanations.

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