Boyfriends daughter really hates me now!

[star2008]

She thinks you think that she is incapable of handling things and is stupid.

[lady00]

I think she is angry because you saw the abuse take place and she has misplaced her anger onto you.

 

It's hard to tell from the story whether or not throwing the object was in self defense or in retaliation. I suspect it may have been somewhere in between. I hope her father is concerned. Someone being physically violent toward his daughter should cause him to step in and gets her help and convince her to stay away from her abusive ex.

She may need counseling to help her through the healing process.

[Cadence_oO]

No offense taken here, and none intended, either. The point isn't about forming a verdict on the fight--it's already done.

 

We're trying to point out to you that you're so stuck on that ashtray, you're not willing to back off that one thing long enough to try to view the bigger picture through the kids' POV--even while you claim to want to understand her POV.

 

At 15 I would've had a huge problem with any woman I came home to find in MY home, presumably having been in my father's bed. It's supposed to be my 'safe' place, not one of competition with a girl within 10 years my own age. It's not supposed to be a place where I must deal with my Dad's sexuality--gross. So where am I supposed to go now? That's a living hell. And you don't get it?

 

 

They weren't at home.The two of us went out to dinner,when we came back the kids were out and I spent the night.It happened twice before and neither of the kids minded much.I either left before they woke up or they only saw me at breakfast,they were perfectly friendly towards me.

[Cadence_oO]

Well,her brother talked to her and then gave the info to their dad.

 

She said she was out with her friends and she met this ex.They chatted and hung out a bit ( her brother omitted this from the version he told their dad but I'm pretty sure they both had a few drinks),in the end of the night he wanted to straight a few things out about their breakup and her new relationship so she agreed that he drives her home (and she left her car with her friend),they got into a fight in the car,once home she got out and entered the house,he followed her,once in there it got so heated that it escalated into the situation I saw.

 

She said he never did this before.

Her brother wanted to beat him up but she stopped him and my boyfriend thought about having a chat with this guy but again,she stopped him.He was really angry.

But he just hugged her and told her not to see him again and that she needs to be careful.

 

As punishment,he decided to take her car for a week ](*,)

 

Oh yeah....and he mantioned 'Thankfully Cadence was there to step in'

First she said that I could have let her handle it,but then said that she's also glad I was there...

 

 

So,I'm guessing she was just still worked up over what happened with her ex?

 

 

Also, my bf said nothing about placing some boundaries with her,he'll probably just continue with the usual parenting except he said he'll be doing some more thourough chacks when it comes to her boyfriends.

[sophie274]

I just wanted to add to my earlier responses that I do think you did the right thing in this situation. My response was more to your question of "why is she so mad at me", which in my opinion was 1% to do with what happened last night, and 99% with the overall "situation". Just to clarify - I think it was right to step in and a duty, like Shadowslight said.

 

It sounds like the resolution was not much to your liking. I hope your relationship with her improves!

[Shadows Light]

Cadence, I'm glad that things have settled down and there was open family dialogue about the incident. Her brother talking to her... her dad talking to her.... she's responding... said she was glad you were there after all to difuse the situation. I'd say that's pretty darn good !!!

 

The "BEST" you can hope for when dealing with teenagers, Your own... or your significant others.... is open dialogue and communication. When they shut down, withdraw and refuse to talk... You've got issues.

 

In regards to all this conversation about appropriateness of your age, his age, his daughters age, sleeping over and spending the night.... PFFFSST. Believe me you, the kids these days (for good or for ill) are a bit more sophisticated in the arena of "SEXUALITY" then we were at their age. Turn the TV on prime time at 8pm.... and you can see there's a HUGE difference in the language, storylines, innuendo's... and sexuality than there was say, when I was 15.

 

With teens' these day's, I think you have to be open and honest. A teen will spot "BS" a mile a way. You can't snow these kids. I think the best tact to take is talk to them openly and honestly about... sex, sexuality, drugs, promiscuity, and all the other taboo's and bo-ga-dee-boo's that are out in the world.