jony123 Posted February 8, 2004 Share Posted February 8, 2004 hello.. how is everyone?... i am new here i just found this site heres the situation... i borke up with my girlfriend after 1 year... we have not been gettin along real good...i know i am dumb.. i could have did more to make her more happy and i realized that.. it has been 3 days since we broke up. I did that begging thing and said i was sorry..i guess i found this site too late becasue it says not to do that.. i have been talking to her alittle bit each say that we broke up.. She says she needs time to be alone and she does not want a boyfriend for awhile. She said we may get toegther again in future (i think she just said that).. i dunno what to do with myself i feel real stupid.. i could have did things to make this work beter...i just feel so alone now...i lost alot of friends becasue i spent most of my time with her.. i just don't know what to do?....should i not call her ne more? Link to comment
jony123 Posted February 8, 2004 Author Share Posted February 8, 2004 she just called...just tell me about th party she was at... and just talking for a bit...i asked her if she wanted to work on things and take it slow.. and that i realized alot of things.. she said she did know.. she said she needed some time alone for now.. she said we will still do things and and she would call me or i could call her what should i make of this Link to comment
neallo82288 Posted February 8, 2004 Share Posted February 8, 2004 I have been down this road and it is usually a short road. I would recommend that you do as much as you feel comfortable with and nothing more. If you feel comfortable being just her friend then do that. I, also, reccommend that you stop trying to get back with her. If you feel that you can just hang and not be her man then you could go on and do the things that she wants to do. If you find yourself feeling bad that you can't be with her then start a no contact thing. But wait until until you see how comfortable you can be around her with out being with her. Here is a post that may help you: www.enotalone.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=16105 It will help you understand where you are and what you are going to have to do prior to getting her back. It explains the no contact rule, but it fails to tell you that when one is started that the other party should, if possible, be informed as to why you cannot talk to them. Neallo Link to comment
jony123 Posted February 10, 2004 Author Share Posted February 10, 2004 she called me ... i was not home so i called her back...i was in bad mood today.. till i went to town adn hanged out with some friends... she said you sound in a beter mood...i said is that a bad thing...she said i didn't say that.. but i am feelling beter today and i think that is a good sign.. i would love to get back with her... but i am not asking anymore...if she wants to talk i just talk and be friends... Link to comment
DJHIPHOP Posted February 10, 2004 Share Posted February 10, 2004 okay i just want to know if you two tried talking about what makes you guys happy. she can't only be happy, you got to be happy too. she says she needs her time so good, let her. maybe you can try to get to know her again when you guys talk on the phone again. try to find out what makes her happy, you need to sound interested too. you can compliment but not too much. hope that works for some time Link to comment
jony123 Posted February 10, 2004 Author Share Posted February 10, 2004 ok thanx... 8) Link to comment
jony123 Posted February 12, 2004 Author Share Posted February 12, 2004 why does she call me everyday.......???? i am never home i call her when i get home...she just says how her day was... i say i miss her she says she knows.......i don't mind talking to her now...i am over the whole thing but would still like get back together...i have not seen her yet...i would have tonight but i did not go into town where we all hangout.. she told me she did not see me there..... so i dunno she don't say anything about us... but she must think of me still if she calls everynight when she gets home..... she always goes home for 9pm.. and calls shorty after everynight for past 3 days......... so what do you all think of this and what i shoul say on phone... should i just play it cool ..i don't bother saying i miss you ne more to her or anything...i know you think i should just not answer or call back... but it makes me feel good in away.. its weird i never wanted to be on phone with her for long and now i don't want to get off..lol... thanx in advance jon Link to comment
Phoenix_girl Posted February 13, 2004 Share Posted February 13, 2004 Hey there, lets calm down and take a few deep breaths. I kind of know where you're coming from with this. I persoanlly don't agree with the No contact rule - if i had follwed that with my ex then i would have lost my best friend. Now let me try and help you out. I think its good that you keep talking to her - it keeps the lines open and keeps some form of a relationship going. As for why she calls you everyday well she may be trying to get to know you again - learn new things. She may be trying to figure out what you like to do, where you go, ect ect. Wants to learn what your all about. Now im not a mind reader so i cant say this is the truth, its just my opinion. My suggestion - if you want to get back with her just take it slow. Do the friendship thing for a while. Talk and get to know each other. I know from personal experiance that talking with an ex can rekindle old feelings. You may find one of two things happens - 1) you accept just friendship, it could become one of the best friendships you ever have or 2) she gets to know you and decides to come back. She may have some of her own issues to work out right now and may feel that a relationship is hindering that. Let her know you there for her if she ever needs to talk. Try going for coffee as friends or go for a walk somewhere - talk and just enjoy each others company and let whatever happens happen - you cant force anything. If you know when shes gonna call try to be around at that time or perhaps just mention to her if you wont be and maybe she can try calling another time. You'll be fine - women can be complex (as one, i should know) - we dont always know what we want or what we're ready for. But a guy with patience can be a rare find. Hang in there Feel free to PM me anytime you need to talk. Link to comment
The Morrigan Posted February 13, 2004 Share Posted February 13, 2004 I see your patience and vocabulary are evenly matched. I don't suppose it occurred to you to use this really cool invention called a private message to ask a moderator, or even one of the people who had answered previously, for assistance, before flipping out? I mean come on dude, vday is around the corner, it's been hectic as hell around here, and everyone's only human. Honestly, if you actually still have a goal of getting her back, are you sure you're READY to be in contact with her every night? This should be "exploratory" and light, letting her lead the conversation, and you not feeling like you're going crazy trying not to ask her what's on her mind. It's not supposed to be a torture test, or you're not really healed. Take a few deep breaths and see how you really feel about hearing from her when you don't know what's up - and let her get in touch in your comfort zone, where you don't feel the pressure. Link to comment
jony123 Posted February 13, 2004 Author Share Posted February 13, 2004 thanx those were the replies i wanted...sorry i am drinking and its pretty much over now.............bc i was not PATIENT!!!!.....i never was.. i was doin ok for a few days Link to comment
Phoenix_girl Posted February 13, 2004 Share Posted February 13, 2004 I want to say patience is a virtue, but i would be hypocrit, i am far from being patient. Drinking is never a good thing, I know. whenever i get stressed i drink and it always ends up hurting things (but you knew that right? ). When you say its over do you mean the chance on getting her back? Link to comment
jony123 Posted February 13, 2004 Author Share Posted February 13, 2004 yea ........i f it up... since we broke up there was one day that i did not say anything about our relationship.........and she said u seem like in a good mood..like she was surpirsed.. so that gave me hope... then i asked her tonight... she like i dunno...dunno... i asked her to do something saturday(vday) AND SHES LIKE I WILL FIGURE IT OUT TOMROW... DAM CAPS..........ne ways i was like just tell me if you do not want to... she like i dunno.. i got to go to bed ... bye and pauses for a afew seconds.... then hangs up bc i did not say anything Link to comment
The Morrigan Posted February 13, 2004 Share Posted February 13, 2004 Ok - she's not ready to decide - I know it's hard, but you HAVE to back off. Pressing her before she's ready will make her decide alright, but NOT in your favor. And that's not what you want. Think of it this way - when someone pushes you, or tries, your instinct is to push back, right? You feel like you're cornered. So back away a little, let her follow. Decide if you can honestly let her decide and keep it light on your end without going berserk. When she calls, make sure you "have to get going" BEFORE she does, and end on a good or "high" note, "hey, great talking to you, but I gotta get going, later!" No pressure leaves her freer to decide - and especially if you've been having trouble with that, see what you can do about catching yourself if it's a habit. And keep busy!!! Don't sit there drinking and going out of your mind!!! Link to comment
jony123 Posted February 13, 2004 Author Share Posted February 13, 2004 great point.. i don't like being presured at all...that hit me hard there Link to comment
Phoenix_girl Posted February 13, 2004 Share Posted February 13, 2004 I have a feeling you are starting to gain some insight into things. I think you're gonna be ok. Just keep your cool and a clear head. *hugs* Link to comment
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