getting back my ex-girlfriend!!

[DJHIPHOP]

well, here's my situation!! i hope somebody out there can help me out!! ive been with my girlfriend for over 2 years!! we been having problems but who doesn't right!! well, all of sudden she got with these guy!! and i dont know understand that!! she loves me and misses me but she's with another guy!! im so confused and i know she is more confused!! i dont know what to do!! i would do anything for my girl!! i would give my life in order for her to live!! im the most sweetest, caring, romantic kinda guy!! i always want to spoil her, meaning buying her gifts, im always there for her when she's sick, because thats all i want to, take care of her!! so basically i dont know what to do!! i miss her so much, i think about her everyday, and it hurts to see her with some other guy because she said she need space and time and i gave it to her, so, she goes with some guy!! i dont understand that!! well, i hope to hear from u people out there

[emma]

I do understand that people need space and time sometimes, because after a while together the relationship gets serious, and people kind of freak out (I did freak out, my ex is freaking out right now, I've been there, on both sides of the fence).... BUT, she is not doing it in the right way. She is not taking time and space to sort out her feelings and fears if she is dating somebody else. If this can help you, believe me, this will probably not last. My ex did this the first time we broke up, with 3 girls, and even one year apart, he still didn't feel really good about it... It never worked because very few people can jump in another relationship after 2 years with somebody.

 

If you want to get her back, give her even more space than she is asking for: do not contact her, think about yourself for now, don't hurt yourself thinking of what she is doing, who she is hanging out with, if she is the arms of this other guy or not...etc. I know it's hard not to imagine those stuffs, but force yourself... You say you care for her more than for yourself basically....I'm sorry to say this, but that's maybe what drove her away from you for now. Do not buy her gifts, do not call her to check if she needs anything, don't tell her you would do anything for her (even if you would). I did the same as you did, and it destroyed my whole relationship... My ex boyfriend is the first one to tell me how devoted and nice I am, but he couldn't be with somebody who did not set her own life and well-being as her main priority. At first I told him that he was so selfish to think this way, but now I understand, and I have to admit that he was right .... I don't know if we will ever get back together, I hope so, but what I've learned is that I will never be as devoted as I was before, to him or to anybody else.... I will never be selfish either, but I will always think of what is the best balance.

 

As so many people tell you on this forum, the best thing is 'no contact' for now... Let her miss you, and miss all what you were for her... If she keeps contacting you, be there, be friendly, but don't be 100% available... keep the conversations or/and meetings short, don't call, let her come to you, and concentrate on your well-being..... No matter how much you love her, always keep in mind that she is the one who decided to break up and went for another guy.... I'm not saying that you should not forgive her sometimes, but now you have to face this pain and fight against it.

 

As the previous post advises you, act as if you were not getting back together, try to move on as much as you can, and no matter if you get back together or not eventually, you will have achieved a lot on a personal level.

 

Hope this helps.

[Athena]

I read a poem once that really hit home about living in limbo. It is from the book entitled, "How to Survive the Loss of a Love", it goes like this,

 

I do all right alone

and better together,

but I do very poorly when semi-together

 

In solitude I do much

In love I do more

but in doubt, I only transfer pain to paper

 

Come to Stay

or Stay Away.

 

I read that only about 15% of people who say they need some time and space, ever go back.

 

I think they are trying to spare us by just not leaving completely. What they don't realize is it just drags the pain out.

 

-A