who pays?

[caliboy]

i've been with my girl for 3 months now and we're really close. anyway, whenever we go out, i always pay for things. it's kind of like it's expected. i don't know if it's pride or the way i was brought up, but as the guy i feel like i should pay. the other day, i thought about how much i had been spending on gas, wear and tare on my car, meals, movies, etc and it was adding up fast. so i told her that maybe sometimes we could stay in and eat instead once in awhile. she felt guilty and got angry and defensive. so i went to her house the other day and forgot my credit card. i get to her house, told her i had forgotten it, and then she started eating food at her house when normally we'd go out. i thought it was kind of odd, cause the time i don't have money is when she wants to eat in....

 

another thing is that i feel like it's tough to talk to her about things, cause she ALWAYS turns things around and tries to put me on the defensive. she's high maintenance and she's admitted this.

 

am i overreacting?

[MrDraw]

Hey Caliboy,

There's one thing every guys realise's after a while. Girls are often expensive in "maintenace". That's because we, (The Guys), find it difficult to talk to our girl (or a girl) about splitting the costs.

We always want to please a girl, and that's good, but sometimes we go to far. Girls want to be pleased and the're wright. But shouldn't we think of ourselves...??? Yes we should!!

So I for starters talk about it with a girl when we've gone out for a few times. Most of the times she understands immidiatly and doesn't make a problem out of it. Two go out, Two pay.

I found out that most girls like to pay half or pay in full. They like it to go both ways. One time they pay the bill, the other time you do. It's all about sharing!

In your case your girl likes to be treated very good en likes if it you pay for everything. You must make her understand that she too can share in the costs of everything you do together. Tell her you will treat her sometimes but not all the time. The outcoming of that talk with your GF will learn you a lot about your relationship.

If she still wants you to pay for everything, you'll have to consider this really good. Do you really want to put all that money in your relationship and get much less in return..???

A relationship means that you share almost everything with eachother!!!

 

If I were you I would give her up, if she really doesn't want to share.

But if you can't take missing her in your life, and your wallet is big enough....?? then maybe you should stay together.

 

Think it over, talk about it and make your choice!!

 

Greetz,

MrDraw

[MrKawabata]

I think it's traditional and chivalrous for the guy to pay. However, from some of her attitudes, I wonder if she loves you though. Like, why would she try and make you feel bad if you couldn't afford to go out one night? I just think she could be more supportive and understanding of the circumstances that you are in.

[Happy_Go_Lucky_Heb]

Hey caliboy

 

I dunno hey, at times like this maybe you should think about what you want. Can you really afford to stay in a relationship with this girl and is she really worth it? Try and talk 2 her somemore and if you're still unhappy in the end just leave. I kno it'll be hard to decide and you'll probably stay around for ages trying but when the time comes, you'll know what to do.

 

I personally and most of my friends don't believe on that the guy always have to pay. Its really not fair, some guys like to pay everynow and then as a gesture like we can really support them financial wise or we're just being gentlemen but seriously, I reckon it should be a half half thing or close to it. Others have a funny way of thinking that we're using it to buy a woman's time.

 

Its kinda true, why do we really pay sometimes for things, to buy some time, girls go out with us to lunch, movies etc, if we're paying then in a way, we're paying for their time...

 

Anyway, hope that helped u a slight bit.

Happy Heb

[caliboy]

thanks for all the advice. i'm lucky it's a minor complaint and not an issue with trust or something more serious to a relationship.