no contact question

[luckystar]

I am on day 38 of no contact. I did not have a bad breakup and my ex actually emailed me on day 28 of no contact and she was very nice and wanted to know how i was doing and said she hoped I would have time to reply to her. I sent her a short email telling her what I was up to, ..

 

That boosted my spirits for a few days......but then I found myself back a bit miserable and probably had too high of expectations after that contact.

 

How long of no contact before you actually saw "real" results from your ex. Mine did not rule out a reconciliation after she had some time to get a job and figure out her head.....so I am optimistic but scared to death of losing her. I was ready to put a ring on her finger if she was ready, but she wanted some space.

 

Help!! Any words of wisdom are much appreciated!

 

thanks...

[raggamuffin]

unfortunately I never saw results from my ex after the no contact thing. But that doesnt mean that you wont. I think that mabye the only reason at this stage why she may be contacting you is to see how you were doing mabye so she didnt feel bad about hurting you. Instead of waiting and waiting and waiting I think that you should try and sort it out. Ask this woman where you stand in terms of reconciliation and getting back together. I think that 38 days if long enough for her to have some space. I hope this is useful. R.

[SunnyScott]

Just flat out tell her that you still care, and don't want to lose her. Tell her. If she's truly into you, then your responses will be quick. Beating around the bushes will just kill you. I know what you mean though. I tried everything like buying new clothes, taking aerobics class, and basically wasting my money just to try to forget about my ex. (I tend to do that when I'm depressed, that's why I'm broke )

 

Yeah, so, once again, tell her, then you'll get the answer.

 

P.S.- Love means equality. Your perfect soulmate should love you and share an equal attraction for you. When she mentioned space, I think that she's not feeling that equal attraction (or she feel suffocated). In any case, ou should invest in someone whose your bestfriend, and she does not sound like it.

[luckystar]

so sunnyscott,

 

i am taking it that you do NOT believe in no contact??

 

I do.....so that is not an option for me to do as you suggest.....it will make me look weak.....i need to look strong and confident........that is exactly what she told me she was looking for when we split

[SunnyScott]

I believe in the 'contact' rule in certain situations. For the most part in being that contacting will show you again, why that relationship didn't work out. It re-enforces the fact that the relationship is going no where, nor will it ever!

 

Some people learn their first time, while for others it takes several times b/c they love the other person too much (so, they cannot truly comprehend why the other person doesn't love them equally). I can't speack for all situations, so in your case, it's seems necessary, but it's your call.

 

After all, her message is telling you that, "Hey buddy, now I feel like talking to you, but when I don't need you, I guess you should get out of my life!" I know that she's not actually saying this, but your patterns sure do communicate it. And, it sounds a bit selfish don't you think? Plus, she's saying that you need to appear more confident????!

 

I've been in that situation before, with an ex, who I did say the same thing to. Honestly, in my eyes, even if he did change and become confident, I will always see him for the person that he was when I dated him. In other words, you can try your best to impress her, but in the end, you're always going to be you, and she'll always be herself.

 

She's basically expecting you to change, and NOT loving you for the person that you are. That's not right. So, a person who loves you should accept you for everything that you are.

[Senna]

I used to believe that the no contact rule was a waste of everyones time if you love someone why should you have to do this but sadly i think thats what needs to be done and in my opinion 38 days is not enough they say it should be between 4 or 6months. You have to find yourself again and maybe that's what she has to do the more you the bother the more she will back off. You can't rush thing's if it's meant to be you both will find each other again

[raggamuffin]

I dont think that having no contact makes you a strong and confident person, especially if you are living by the other persons rules. Being confident is doing the things that YOU want to do for yourslef to make you a better persona and by putting your heart out there. To me being strong and confident would be taking matters in to your own hands and saying well NO contact is not what I want so we should compromise and see eachother once a week and talk about whats going on. Thats what I would be looking for in strong and confident.

 

Im not really sure of my opinion of the no contact rule Im sure it has its place in some relationships but I sometimes think that you should need to go to those extreams to keep a relationship alive I think if it has happened once what is going to stop it from happening again, and do i really want to be in a contact non contact relationship for the rest of my life. Maybe you do and I hope it works out. But I wouldnt wait for 6 months for somebody to sort themselves out and decide if they want me or want to throw my and my love away. Good luck. I hope you get the girl. R.