Finally talked to the ex but....

[sspaul]

Someone help I am not sure what to do. My exgirlfriend and I have been broken up for 6 months and have had some contact in that time but it was never pleasant always me begging for her to come back. I know this is stupid and it always pushes them further away. After reading hundreds of post on here I figured I would try the no contact rule for a month. Well A month goes by and we have a great 45 minute conversation which was mostly me talking about us maybe being friends. Anyway I never got dont call me anymore or yes we can be friends, so I am left wondering what to do now. The reason I am looking for some advice is because while we where talking I was acting happy and was telling her that my life is better now and that I am happy with myself. Well toward the end of the conversation she started to get upset (crying) but trying not to let me hear her but I could tell.

 

Well after we talked I felt really good hopeing that maybe we can start over somehow as friends but here is my problem.

 

4 days go by so I figured I would give her a call just to say hi and she doesnt answer. She has caller ID so I know she knows I called but It is like it was before she is ignoring me again. I did ask her why she was ignoring me before and she said that she is still angry because I hurt her. Well I am wondering if it still hurts her to talk to me and that is why she is ignoring me again? Why else would she get upset on the phone we where having a good conversation?

 

What should I do? Leave her alone for a while? I am so confused and after actually talking to her all I want to do is call her. I love this girl so much any advise would be great please help me do the right thing to try to get her back.

 

Also if this helps when we talked I was at work and kept telling her I have to go and she kept saying NO talk to me this went on for a half hour, I am so confused someone help.

[mr_ripley]

definitely leave her alone. I'm afraid it's no contact time again. Let her come to you in her own time. The next time she calls do exactly what you did before, act happy and natural but this time don't suggest that you and her have any sort of relationship, even if it is purely friendship based. I have a hunch that this is what scared her away. If she wants any kind of relationship with you she will call again but please be patient, otherwise you will lose her for good.

 

Good luck mate

[sspaul]

Is it a good sign that six months later it still hurts her to talk to me? I am affraid of leaving her alone for too long, it scares the hell out of me!!

 

No contact S**ks but I guess I have no other choice......

[mr_ripley]

It is indeed a good sign, in fact it's a REALLY good sign! This is all the more reason to leave her alone a bit longer. If she hasn't forgotten about you in the last six months then she won't be forgetting about you any time soon. Trust me.

[sspaul]

thanks for your advice but why do you think she is ignoring me?

why do you say trust me did this work for you?

[Apoc220]

I think he means trust him that she won't be forgetting about you anytime soon. If she hasn't forgotten about you yet, then she won't anytime soon... thats a given. As far as why she is ignoring you, I see it as this. She calls you as a friend because she just wants to try and she wants to start working on a friendship with you. She wasn't looking at discussing the relationship or anything of that matter. When you mentioned why she had been ignoring you, that was a bad move on your part. You should have kept the conversation at a positive direction. By you asking that, the conversation went into negative mode. She felt uncomfortable and you ruined immediate chances of starting a fairly normal relationship. I think you gave her vibes that you still wanted a relationship of much more and that scared her off. Your gameplan is the following.

Dont call her! Let her call you. Next time she calls you, you MUST keep the conversation on a positive note. There can't be arguing, and if there is you end the conversation at that point. Try and not keep the conversation too long for this will send off the message that you are willing to give up a lot of time for this girl. And lastly, take baby steps. After a few phone conversations suggest meeting up for coffee or something. If she is hesitant convince her with the friends viewpoint. You have to start out as a friend, because she won't feel "safe" if she knows that you are trying to get back with her. Once on the "date" you act like a friend. Make her have the time of her life however! Make her laugh andhave a good time. Be carefree and a good date (without her realizing it). When the night is over you tell her that you had a good time and that you'll call her. DONT SAY WHEN YOU'LL CALL HER! Leave her guessing. Call her a few days later and don't mention the date until a while into the convo. (You dont wanna call her the day after because you come off as desperate.) Repeat this cycle and little by little build up the intimacy. Use good judgement in building it up because she has to show you signs that she is into you again and that its good to go. If she doesn't show signs that shes into you (i.e. laughing constantly at all your jokes, looking at your eyes when she talks to you, Touching you a lot

[mr_ripley]

thanks for your advice but why do you think she is ignoring me?

why do you say trust me did this work for you?

 

Yes and no. I've used the no contact method on a few women now and at least a couple of them have contacted me with a view to getting back together. The only problem is that by the time they did contact I had already moved on or at the very least realized that they were not right for me, which is not a bad thing in itself.