tattoobunnie Posted November 16, 2008 Share Posted November 16, 2008 So while my ex and I have decided to work things out, not see other people, and have a fresh start, and I know it's a slow process...but I'm hitting the "I'm becoming needy" wall. I've never been in a situation where I wanted to work things out with someone, so I'm confused as to how to act around him. I'm not sure how often I should contact him, or if I should let all my expectations fly out the window. During the week, our contact has been kept to the minimal of what instant messaging would bring. We've been making plans for the past two weeks, but haven't been able to keep them for many reasons. We now have one for Monday. I don't wanna come off as needy and desperate...though I've been feeling this way since Thursday. I haven't really called, though I was somewhat persistent in trying to make plans for the weekend. Is that too much to handle for someone? I asked him if I should leave him alone, and he said no. I told him, it was hard for me to gage how things were going since we don't hang/see/talk to each other often. And while I'm use to him saying I love you to me, he hasn't said it since Wednesday, when he found out his cousin's girlfriend was talking horribly behind his back to him, making up things that he was dating and was a horrible person. We're not into games...just want to know how much is too much effort on my part...or is this the tough part I have to deal with when trying to work things out? That there's a little chase I will have to do on my part. I do know that I couldn't put myself through this for very long, or am I just trying to run for the hills, cuz really, it's a lot of work. Link to comment
stabbedintheback Posted November 16, 2008 Share Posted November 16, 2008 How long were you two together and how long have you been apart? Were you in contact the whole time, LC, or NC? Link to comment
tattoobunnie Posted November 16, 2008 Author Share Posted November 16, 2008 We broke up mid-October...and kept in LC since he would call me up about the most weirdest things, like our dresser in the bedroom, his sewing kit, etc. Then, since I lost a baby a week before, I was so hormonal, and was intimate with him...all the while us still wanting to be together, but knowing we had issues to work out. Something clicked in my head, and I realized how I attributed to the break-up, and we've been moving forward. Though the one line he mentioned to me on Thursday, when we were talking about possible plans for the weekend, I started getting frustrated since it wasn't gonna pan out since he had things to do, he said, "it is what it is." And man, I hate that line...then I said, let's shoot for Monday since I have random plans all weekend. So that line got me thinking, is he losing interest...and I'm just rushing myself, and trying to rush him? Do I need to chill out, and really chill out? Link to comment
crab62 Posted November 16, 2008 Share Posted November 16, 2008 it sure is alot of work... having to guess how he's feeling, having to guess if you're being too needy, not interested enough, etc, etc. ugggh... i feel for you. when my exbf dumped me the first time in June... i hung in there while he worked things out in his head. i was sick day and night waiting for him to make a decision if he wanted me or not. i lived like that for a month, tearing my gut into shreds ](*,)wondering wondering wondering](*,)... before going on a planned vacation with him and we ended up getting back together... "but"... even while back together i often thought of the pain he put me through during that time... all the while knowing i was hurting well he dumped me again last Friday night... and this time there will be no waiting. he said he's done... and my response is "no I'M done" i won't put myself through that again. if someone cares about you, they don't leave you hanging and they don't hurt you. i think you should go get two books if you haven't read them already 1) it's called a break-up cause it's broken 2) he's just not that into you... and go live your life and if he wants to call, fine. if he wants to be with you, he will let you know... i think you and I need to be out finding our next boyfriend...the one who doesn't leave us hanging... because WE are worth more than that Link to comment
waveseer Posted November 16, 2008 Share Posted November 16, 2008 It's a dance. Each must put in the same effort. When you feel him backing off, back off. When you feel him coming close, come closer. Match his level of interest. It's hard but you will feel better if you guard your heart. Link to comment
tattoobunnie Posted November 16, 2008 Author Share Posted November 16, 2008 Mmm...good point ready2heal... Link to comment
tattoobunnie Posted November 17, 2008 Author Share Posted November 17, 2008 crab62...did he ask you to wait for him? And did you ever forgive him while you were trying to work things out? Why did you both break up? Link to comment
crab62 Posted November 18, 2008 Share Posted November 18, 2008 crab62...did he ask you to wait for him? And did you ever forgive him while you were trying to work things out? Why did you both break up? he didn't really ask me to wait for him... he said he "needed a break". i wasn't sure why.. we had been having a blast up until then... just like last week with his break-up... it came out of nowhere. but i waited, because i adored him and i was loving every day everything we were doing. but honestly, no i don't think i really ever forgave him after we got back together... or maybe i did forgive him... but i was always waiting for the shoe to drop. you see... i got to learn about him during this time. he holds alot of his negative emotions in. every day is/was a good day for him... so he says... but really he just stores all his sad/bad/mad, emotions inside... and when he can't hold them in anymore, he leaves... me. so dating him again, i was watching... wondering when he'd explode again... knowing he didn't and wasn't sharing his bad emotions with me... i knew eventually they would surface and he'd probably walk out... well he did last Friday. honestly i don't know if he cares about me... but i do know that he has a big problem with showing his emotions... and until he can get in touch with that, he won't be able to have a relationship.... because you can't walk out on your girlfriend when it gets to be too much... you just can't keep doing that. to this day, i am not sure why we broke up either time. we never had huge problems... we had a ton of fun together and have almost everything in common. both times he pulled the rug from under me on these break-ups... and they hurt like he$$... there won't be a 3rd time. so i don't know why we broke up... you'd have to ask him. at this point, i don't want to know... all i know is i will never go through that pain with him again... i miss him terribly... but i cannot go through watching him walk out a 3rd time Link to comment
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