Its been a month, but I cant put away 3 years of feelings

[nowdsa]

My gf of 3 years broke up with me on 12/30/03 b/c she said she wanted to be independent. I am 28 and she is 21 but our age has really never been a problem. Its just hard for me to think that up until right before she broke up with me that she was ready to move into an apt with me. She was all excited and stuff and then the next thing I knew she told me that she wanted to be alone and independent. Its so very hard for me to deal with this as she was the best thing that has ever happened to me. Back in Sept she wanted us to be on a break so she could be independent but that only lasted a week b/c she missed me and I, her. I havent heard from her since the first week of the break up and I cant see us going out as long as we did for things to end like this. All I do is think that I caused this to happen as maybe I was mean or so caught up in trying to figure out the apt thing and worring about money that I forgot about showing her attention at times. I am so full of regret that I am almost eaten alive by it. She told me that I was good to her and this isnt my fault this is something she needs to do. But I still have a problem dealing with it. I want to move on and have a sound mind about this but I have the worst conscience in the world so the little things bother me badly. I care so much about her and miss her to no end. I wish things never came to this and we were still having fun together. I dont know what to do or think about. I am afraid of contacting her b/c I would break down over the phone. I am so messed up right now and need some good advice. Please help.

[avman]

Hello nowdsa,

 

Welcome to eNotalone,

 

There is a LOT of information here to help you. Check out The Morrigans two posts on the index page to get you started. There is a lot of useful information in those.

 

Also realize that some things are just completely out of your control. Perhaps you didn't do ANYTHING to her. Her feelings just changed. Or she decided her goals were different. That doesn't mean there is a thing wrong with you. It just means there is something wrong with the relationship.

 

This isn't going to be easy. Take it one small step at a time. Start by not contacting your ex. You need some breathing room so that you can start to heal. And you clearly aren't ready for contact with her right now. Take a good breather, and cry things out. We are all here for you. You're never alone!

 

avman

[bluemudder]

Hey-

 

I am sorry to hear that you are going through such a rough time. My ex-gf and me just broke up this past saturday....so i know how you feel. We had a 4 year age difference and it didnt pose a problem at first. Since I graduated from college and got a full time job and she was still in school...things changed. She wanted to do extra activities with the school...like cheerleading..... that took more time away from us and we ended up only seeing each other once or twice a week. Once we broke up....i tried to call her....but she wont take my call so i am not going to try anymore....i just try to keep myself busy. The thought that hurts the worst is to think of her with another guy...it just stings really bad. Do you have the same feeling? I hate to think that someone will be enjoying my girl...the one that I adore....or that some guy will just be using her for a quick piece and then dump her. I hate that thought.

 

Take care and good luck.

Hang in there...we will get through it.

[nowdsa]

I feel just the way you do, I cant imagine her with another guy at all. Man, I sit here everyday and think about all the times I didnt go lay down with her or watch tv with her or give her the attention she was asking for at the time. I am so full of regret b/c I think that she may have thought that I didnt want to be around her, which wasnt true. I can say that most of the time I did those things she wanted me to do but not all the time. So now I wished I had. I remember the day she called me I got upset b/c she was always hanging out with her friends more than me here of late. I called her and I asked her where she was and she said at her friends house where she spent the night, and the night before I had asked her over. Well I kinda got upset and I told her I felt like she was dodging me sometimes and then thats when she told me that she wanted to get her own apt and be alone. This broke my heart but she had told me this stuff before on 2 or 3 occasions; I just thought she had put it behind her. Its funny, I would have never thought I would lose her, ever and then that day came along and everything changed. She doesnt write me back or call me and since the break up, I think I have talked to her maybe 4-5 times either thru Instant Messenger or over the phone. She tells me this break up has nothing to do with me, its about her wanted to do this stuff and she doesnt want me to be sad. I cant help to think that she has found another guy, its just natural for us all to think that way. She told me that I was so good to her, so its good to know that she thinks that way. I still get regretful and wish that everyting was perfect and that I could walk away thinking like that. I dont know, she was a great girl and I would take her back in a heartbeat. I wanted to marry her and start my life with her b/c we had planned so much in the future with each other. I just wish I could clear all these thoughts from my head and feel better but I cant and it takes time for that to happen.

 

Dude, I appreciate you responding to my post. Its nice to talk to someone who is feeling the same and relate with each others problems. I feel bad for you as well man as I adore my ex so much and I cant think of her having sex with another guy or being with another for that matter. I want that to be me, making her smile, laugh, cry whatever it may be, i want to be that person that she wants to be with. Keeping busy does take away the pain, but then the down time comes and it crashes all over you. Thanks again for posting to my topic and I look forward to your reply.