I Ended it and now I have Doubts...

[confused4life]

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[DN]

If the positions were reversed and he had found a female friend - how would you have felt about that?

[confused4life]

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[DN]

Why wasn't it your favourite thing?

[NJRon]

If the decision is right for you, then it is a good one Only you can really answer that for yourself.

 

I know when I have been in a situation where I have had to evaluate having a particular friend or respecting my significant other's concern over the frienship, then I have made my decision based on what I felt was more appropriate for me and the relationship. If I felt the friendship was more important than my partner's feelings, then it was a clear indicator to me that there was something either wrong with the relationship for me or that my partner and I were not on the same level. I then had to figure out what I needed to do to fix that.

 

So, the decision really comes down to trying to figure out whether the friendship is really appropriate and, if in your heart it is, whether it is more important than your relationship. In the end, if you decide that you value the friendship enough to cause damage to your relationship, then you are making the choice that is right for you and there is a valid reason for it... you just need to address the actual issue though.

 

I think you mention that reason in your post. You feel as if he is controlling. Is he? Is it such that you are willing to walk away from the relationship? If so, then I think you made the right choice for yourself.

[confused4life]

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[DN]

You see, the thing is that you were jealous. It doesn't matter why - but it does matter that you were. And the same thing applies to him - it doesn't matter why he is jealous - he just is and people can't help how they feel.

 

Now you have to decide if he can't get past the jealousy what matters most to you - having him as your boyfriend or keeping your friend. Don't get distracted by the word 'controlling' because that isn't really the issue.

 

So - do some self analysis here and decide what it is that you really want - and whether you really love him.

 

If you love him and want him - then you could try negotiating so that he is reassured that this guy is really just a friend. But don't discount his feelings- he will know that many times people do leave a SO for someone who was initially just a friend so his fears are not entirely groundless.

[confused4life]

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