Have you forgiven multiple affairs????

[Snoopy24]

You have no basis to say this other than your personal beliefs, and my life experience and observations have shown me otherwise.

 

 

Men and women are different and cheat for different reasons.

 

 

Your opinion of my statement is irrelevant. You don't see the presense of groups of guys with certain tendancies and I do. You have your belief and I have mine. What else needs to be said?

 

Your belief is every guy that has cheated, will always cheat again when "temptation" comes.... sorry but that is NOT true.

[D_Lish]

I stupidly forgave 2 one night stands.

 

He went on to have a full blown affair sometime later and left for her.

 

After we split, I had people break their backs to let me know about other women he'd supposedly been with. Just sickens me that he put me at risk of god knows what diseases!

[BeStrongBeHappy]

I think you are on the absolute right track with marriage counselor. A counselor will help steer you thru this tough time and help you make a decision on what is the right thing to do in your case.

 

Sometimes people are sex addicts due to unfortunate situations in their childhood like childhood sexual abuse and neglect. And some people use sex to try to alleviate their own depression and sense of emptiness. So depending on the reasons for infidelity, some cheaters may be treatable and learn how to be faithful with professional help.

 

And there is research that shows that some hard core philanderers do mellow with age. As their testosterone levels drop, their urge to cheat also drops. So depending on your husband's age, there is a chance that could be helpful in the long run too.

 

So i would suggest that you give yourself time to make this decision, and make it with the help of a professional. Marriage counselors are very good at smoking out which guys are sincere about wanting change, and which ones are fooling themselves and their wives.

[Mythical_Suicide]

Your belief is every guy that has cheated, will always cheat again when "temptation" comes.... sorry but that is NOT true.

 

That may not be true when a guy has cheated, MAYBE twice but c'mon now if a guy has cheated this many times he isn't going to sit there and change over night just because his guilt kicked in. He came clean, apologized to ease his conscience not because he felt bad for his actions but because it was eating him inside. Now that he has came clean, he may be "good" for awhile but eventually that temptation will get the best of him again. He has proven in the past to not be able to resist it.

[lilwifey2208]

Girl I am so sorry you are having to deal with this. I know you must be crushed. I hope you have someone you can go to to vent about this.

As far as personal experience..Yes and no. I have as recently as last night forgiven my husband after catching him having cyber sex with multiple women (sending and receiving nude pics) and after confronting him repeatedly he finally fessed up that he has been doing it the entire 10 months of our marriage. I packed my bags and left after asking him why the hell he married me in the first place. The first time i confronted him i let him off too easily and he clearly did not get the message. I told him that if he does it again I will move out. He on his knees with tears in his eyes (my husband doesn't cry) begged me to forgive him and he would do anything to prove that it will not happen again. I have forgiven him and went home last night but he is on probation.

Now as far as physically cheating that is another bowl of wax. You will get all kinds of advice on here and you have to remember most of us on here are here because we have been burned by one we love so a lot of what you hear will be tainted with that perspective.

What you need to do for you is decide how much you love this man. Have his actions shown true repentance? Is he still placing himself in situations where he can cheat? If you want to work through it and he is willing than go for it girl and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. But don't let him off easy.

Its like I told mine, This is not just about your penis. This is about our marriage and you need to decide just how much that means to you.

 

I wish you the best of luck girl. And i do have to say the fact that he came forward with it and told you when he could have continued hiding it is a good sign. It absolutely does not excuse his behavior, but it gives a little indication of his remorse..

Anyhow good luck with your counseling. You are a very strong woman. keep your head up high, this too shall pass.

[midnightrambler]

Some one who cheats once...is one thing...but a compulsive cheater is another.

I agree with heloladies....and I wouldn't trust this man....period.

 

once or ten times...I could forgive but not forget.....

[Ac143]

The fact that you thought you had such a great husband and that he knew how to hide it so well would make me RUN as fast as possible. Who the hell knows what else this guy is hiding. If he could pull off multiple affairs without you even suspecting a thing is pretty scary.

 

I could say I would NEVER forgive multiple affairs, once - maybe, twice - no freakin way. Walk away and save yourself some headaches.

[PixelPusher]

I haven't read all the responses... this is just my personal experience. My Xwife was a habitual cheater when I met her, and I knew she was. She cheated on her then boyfriend with me... I should have seen the signs but was lost in the "she'll never do that to me!" mentality.

 

We were together 6-years when she cheated on me the first time. It was "only" a kiss, but it was with my best friend (and boss), pre-meditated, and with his wife and me sitting in the other room. Some may not think a kiss is that bad, but it was the betrayal of trust that hurt the most. I forgave (or so I thought... long story... in hindsight I don't think I ever did forgive her, which caused some issues). Anyway... we moved on, with her swearing it would never happen again.

 

Three years later, when our marriage was REALLY rocky, she turned to a male friend for comfort. Started as chatting, then emotional infidelity, and (of course) finally physical. And this time it was more than a kiss... i found quite a bit of evidence.

 

I was done. I'm a firm believer in forgiveness and I always give people the benefit of the doubt (proudly still do). But I go by the old adage: Once, shame on you. Twice, shame on me.

 

I haven't looked back...

[jc1214]

Thank you so much! I think your post out of all of them have helped me the most. Its funny because I know what I would tell any other woman in this situation...to pack her bags and leave! But, when you are the one in it and know the details and know what is at stake...its not as easy or cut and dry as that. THe thing I feel right now is that I know I can leave whenever I want to...nothing is stopping me and I have good reason if that is what I want to do. But, I also feel he truly has decided to change his ways. Only time will tell and there is no way he is getting off easy here. I still dont know if I can live with what he has done and that is why I need the counselor. So, the way I see it today is I have nothing more to loose. We have an appointment with a counselor and Ill see what their take is on it. Thanks again!

 

 

""""""Girl I am so sorry you are having to deal with this. I know you must be crushed. I hope you have someone you can go to to vent about this.

As far as personal experience..Yes and no. I have as recently as last night forgiven my husband after catching him having cyber sex with multiple women (sending and receiving nude pics) and after confronting him repeatedly he finally fessed up that he has been doing it the entire 10 months of our marriage. I packed my bags and left after asking him why the hell he married me in the first place. The first time i confronted him i let him off too easily and he clearly did not get the message. I told him that if he does it again I will move out. He on his knees with tears in his eyes (my husband doesn't cry) begged me to forgive him and he would do anything to prove that it will not happen again. I have forgiven him and went home last night but he is on probation.

Now as far as physically cheating that is another bowl of wax. You will get all kinds of advice on here and you have to remember most of us on here are here because we have been burned by one we love so a lot of what you hear will be tainted with that perspective.

What you need to do for you is decide how much you love this man. Have his actions shown true repentance? Is he still placing himself in situations where he can cheat? If you want to work through it and he is willing than go for it girl and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. But don't let him off easy.

Its like I told mine, This is not just about your penis. This is about our marriage and you need to decide just how much that means to you.

 

I wish you the best of luck girl. And i do have to say the fact that he came forward with it and told you when he could have continued hiding it is a good sign. It absolutely does not excuse his behavior, but it gives a little indication of his remorse..

Anyhow good luck with your counseling. You are a very strong woman. keep your head up high, this too shall pass."""""""

[amtjrtcet]

I think what he did by telling you was compeletley selfish. He did it b/c he was carrying around guilt and wanted to get it off his shoulders. But you having NO clue as to his affairs, if he really had changed he should have carried that guilt himself, not put it off on you. Now you will question him when he says he's going somewhere, you will check up on him, you will wonder wonder wonder......Shame on him for what he did and shame on him for making it your burden now.

 

 

I've forgiven a cheater before, and honestly, he really did change for the better. He NEVER EVER would have done it again. I know this for sure....but I couldn't let it go.

[scarfoe]

sorry to be offending people in this forum.. but i have been here for several months and i have decided that if i want some pessimism... i go here.

 

jc1214... bottom line is... he was an a**hole... but if u truly believe within ur heart and soul that he is going to change and will work on it with ur help.... its worth a shot. this way ur child cant blame u or u cant blame urself down the line.

its awful that u didnt know about it while it was happening but its great to trust ur instincts this time around.

 

i'll keep positive thoughts ur way.

[jc1214]

Ill always be thankful that he told me...no matter the outcome. I dont like the thought of living with someone who is living a complete other life. I at least want to know the deepest part of the person Im married to and living with.

[ImThatGirl]

You have a one year old child. Though it may be very difficult or even somewhat impossible to move past this, I give props to you for trying. I'm sorry that you have to go through this and the pain of all of this. If I were in your shoes, I'd most likely go to counseling and see if husband follows through with his promises.